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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by MothersMilk View Post
    I tend to think if you are not sure then you shouldn't go ahead with it. It sounds to me like maybe you feel you should have another because that was the original plan - but plans change and that's okay too.
    This. I read into it that you are contemplating another bc that's what you planned but in your heart you are happy with one. I was an only until a teen and tbh it sucked, but that had more to do with my mother's parenting style than not having sibs.

    Have you expressed to your DH you are having 2nd thoughts? I don't think there's any rules to how many kids you 'should' have and by the sounds of it, in your heart you know the answer to your question. I think you need to listen to it

  2. #12
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    Nannymummy you are right. Us only children tend to think abit harder on these things. However I was never lonely growing up. I feel abit of pressure now my parents are getting older though. and sometimes I feel jealous when I see other siblings and their bond. But I'm a grown woman now, with a family of my own. So if and when my parents pass away, it's not as if I would be all alone in the world.

    Also back to the career thing... I've actually never had a proper career before. I was an EA and never really happy. Now I'm HR and loving it! My bosses think I'm fantastic and I'm getting loads of opportunities. I know I can take this all the way, and I'm loving my new career! I feel so selfish saying that btw.....

    I just dropped the bombshell on DH..... He's having doubts too!

    Thank you all so much for taking the time to talk to me. I really appreciate all your opinions!
    Last edited by Naboo; 03-12-2011 at 08:10.

  3. #13
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    bellalika is offline I'm trying my hardest, please don't ask for more.
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    I'm a strong believer in having a baby when you want a baby. Not because you want a certain gender, a sibling, it's a good time etc. My advice, have a baby when you want a baby.

  4. #14
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    Thanks Bella. Thing is, I'm 40 net year! If I was 10 years younger I would put it off for a couple of years, but the final decision needs to be made.

    Is there any other parents with only children reading? Just wondering how one would cope if something happened to your only child. I guess it wouldn't matter how many kids you have, but that's another reason why I want another. I know it sounds morbid....

    God help me, I'm talking around and around in circles

  5. #15
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    Personally, if what your worried about is lack of family for your DD and her feeling she has to look after you I feel there is ways to overcome this.

    I would be making sure (as you get older) you are planning retirement, updating wills with so as your daughter gets older the financial burdern is not on her to put you anywhere and with a living wil stating what happens to you if you are incapcitatedl that takes the decision from her as to what you want. If funeral arrangments are made in your will etc then there is less for her to worry about.

    I'm sure you already do this but I would give her the oppurtunties to be surrounded by friends and learn to meet new people so she can carry those skills through life. If you plan on staying in the same area, it might help develop life long relationships (just drawing on my own experience here, not saying if you move she cant have friends)

    Who is to say if you have another child they would be close? This is so blunt but I thought it might be a bit of thinking material in case you are trying to think of ways to overcome the hurdles of having one child. It sounds like you are all very happy as it is.

  6. #16
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    Hi ladies. I thought I'd drop back in this thread to give an update about our decision.

    DH and I have decided to stop at 1

    It has been turmoil for the last couple of months. I've been thinking about it every waking minute but in the end, there was more reasons against having another child then for.

    Am I sad? I really don't think so! In fact I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I can plan for the future now without living in limbo land.

    When it came down to it... i just didn't want to do it all again. I'm actually starting to feel 40! DH feels the same.

    If someone told me 3 years ago I would be where I am today I would have never believed them. My future was all set out, DH and his professional career would make us a comfortable life. I would have had another child and dropped back my hours at work while continuing to be a very average secretary at best.

    But that didn't happen... Now It's just the 3 of us. DH is building a business from scratch and he's never been happier. My career has skyrocketed. We are all planning to go to Ireland (MIL is paying for the tix) for Christmas this year. DH and I are going to do a side trip to Prague.

    We are talking about taking DS to Thailand to do some travelling in the next couple of years. Maybe inviting SIL and BIL and their only boy to join us.

    We can afford to pay for the best schooling for DS. Give him a car and help him with a deposit for his own home when he's older.

    I'm going to lose 10kg and run a half marathon before I turn 40

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    bellalika  (26-01-2012)

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    Congratulations!!!!
    Your dilemma sounded a little like my situation over the past year, whether to go for No2 or not.
    I totally understood your thinking on losing your child, and wanting there to be another, but in my case , if I ever lost one, I would hope there wasn't another to HAVE to live for, if you get me.
    Anyhoo, yeah, crazy talk hehe
    I'm really happy that both you and your DH are on the same page, sounds like a lovely happy future ahead , I wish you all the very best

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    Naboo  (26-01-2012)

  10. #18
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    You sound really at peace with your decision - I'm so pleased. We're going through a similar process at the moment and i just wish a decision could be reached one way or another.

    Good luck with the marathon!!!!

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    Naboo  (27-01-2012)


 

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