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  1. #1
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    Default Not Sure if I Want Another Baby Now? Opinions Please..

    Hi,

    I'd love some opinions from other mums here. I'll try and keep a long story short.

    I never wanted kids. I had DS 2 days after my 36 birthday and fell deeply in love with him and being a mum. After DS was born DH and I decided we were going to have another in about 1.5 years.

    Before my return to work (in a Govt Dept) I was informed I was displaced. This forced me into a different job at my organisation and I decided to do some study by correspondence.

    It was around this time my husband almost had a nervous breakdown. On his road to recovery he quit his professional career and took 1 year off to study with a view to make his own business. He finished his studies yesterday.

    So the baby making was put on the back burner and we are going to start trying again in February (when I'm 40 in September).

    It's been a real tough couple of years and our future is far from certain in regards of DH business. Meanwhile my career has skyrocketed! Additionally my husband's studies required him to live 2 hours south during the week and I had to return to work full time to support the family, so in effect I was a full time working single mum this year.

    But now the baby making is almost upon us, I find myself seriously doubting if I want another now. Things are good now, DS is getting older, our social life is getting back on track. We can travel and do so much more with only 1. Especially my career, I could go really far without having another maternity leave then reduced hours etc.

    However my husband is Irish, with no family here. I myself am an only child and my parents live interstate. DS has no other family here except his god mother who is almost family. I feel so selfish questioning whether to give him a brother or sister (especially as we are older parents). In addition to that, I have this fear that what if something happens to DS! I know it's horrible, but if anything ever happend and we lost DS then I would just want to die myself. Is it crazy to want another one for that reason?

    I don't know what I want from this post? At my age I can't afford to muck around. Do i have another and turn my life upside down just when we're getting on track, or do i have another (knowing I wouldn't regret it).

    Help!
    Last edited by Naboo; 03-12-2011 at 05:45.

  2. #2
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    It is definetly a hard one.

    To me I think family has to come first over work. You can always try and build up your career again but having another child as you know chances get slimer as you get older.

    I have 2 sisters and I dont know what I would do without them. Our mum passed away in her 50's so having sisters there through hard times and special times is the best. Plus my Dad has us three girls to look out for him now.

    I know it is hard to change your life again now that it has settled down and having a baby certainly does change things but that baby will grow up and you can get your work/social life back on track again.

    Maybe see what fate wants for you and try, sometimes it is not so easy to concieve so the decision could be made for you or you might concieve quickly and you will have a new baby and a sibling for you son.

    Good luck with your decision. Im not sure if I helped it is a personally decision. You will work it out. Most importantly talk to your hubby.

  3. #3
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    You sound happy how you are. If I was in this situation I probably wouldn't.

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    I agree with Happy1982. Our last son (DS2) was a massive rollercoaster & after saying I was NEVER having another after DS1 somedays when thongs were really tough I use to think why did I do this to myself again.

    Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits but I just couldn't have predicted the rollercoaster ride we were about to embark on once DS2 was conceived.

    If you do decided to have another just be prepared to give up life as it is. Not being rude either but your chances of birth defects is significantly higher now too being almost 40.

    Can you handle life not going back to normal? Can you handle giving up your career if something was wrong with this new baby?

    Because the way I see it, if you are just doing it to give your other child a sibling it's not a good enough reason. You have got to go into this pregnancy (if you choose to have another) with eyes wide open & making a conscious decision about all the possibilities. Because it's not always a given that you'll to have a healthy baby & return to a sterling career after a short time off.

    Sorry for being so blunt but I think you need to hear both sides to give you everything to think about.

    Good luck making your decision. I'm sure which ever way you choose to go will be the best for your family


    Sent from my Atari 2600

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    Thanks for your replies. Please be blunt. That's why I came here

    Also I know it's not given i will fall pregnant again. I almost wish that was a decision made for me. Hubby wants another one, and I do too... but....

    Keep being blunt people, I need good (blunt) advice from other mums.
    Last edited by Naboo; 03-12-2011 at 07:27.

  6. #6
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    my DP is the only child of an only child. He has never felt lonely. He does these days occasionally feel like he carries the load with caring for his parents, but it's not that big of a deal, i have a useless brother so i am in the same boat as DP! I would say don't sacrifice your whole life just 'in case' your son might feel lonely. Only have another child if YOU and your DH truly want one.

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    I tend to think if you are not sure then you shouldn't go ahead with it. It sounds to me like maybe you feel you should have another because that was the original plan - but plans change and that's okay too. I had always planned to have a third and had the ttc date set but before it came life changed and i seriously doubted having another baby and so we decided to stop at 2 - sometimes things don't happen you way you expected them to.
    Only you can make the decision, good luck

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    Mothersmilk, you almost nailed it there. When the baby making plans were put on hold I was DEVESTATED! I definately wanted another child then! We were supposed to try about 1.5 years ago, then it was put of again and again. I have really struggled this year and i don't know if I can handle more struggle. But then I don't want to make a decision I regret later either.

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    I'm an only child and my DH family all live interstate
    We have just (5 weeks ago) had our second child and at least 50% of the reasoning was for our first DS to have a sibling
    If/when something happens to MY parents I won't have any family (except DH & DS's) as all my other family are in the UK.
    I didn't want DS1 to be alone after DH & I are no longer around
    Only you can make the decision but for me a family for DS in the future was so important, knowing what it feels like to be an only child

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    I completely understand
    I really wanted another too but then my life has been quite difficult lately and i have to be honest with myself - i would struggle a lot with another pregnancy/baby/child. I do sometimes think maybe i'll regret it in 10 years but i have to also think about how i would cope before then, i have to look at the present not just the future. It would not be good for me to make my life any harder atm. I can still have a happy, fulfilled life without another baby (perhaps even more so..).
    It's really hard, especially when you know you have to make the decision soon.


 

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