I must have missed this thread initially, sorry. I'm the ambassador for Natural/Attachment Parenting but I'm currently being treated for postnatal depression as well. I would love to reply properly to you tomorrow, when I have more time. Many hugs
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30-11-2011 00:53 #11
04-12-2011 17:03 #12
My sincerest apologies for not replying sooner. Please feel free to read this post in pieces, take your time to process it and read through the articles, so that you don't feel overwhelmed by all of the info. Don't hesitate to send a PM if you need someone to talk to, or if you have any questions regarding attachment parenting & PND. Another hubber who will be able to provide invaluable help in the area of PND is the Bub Hub ambassador for Postnatal and Antenatal Depression, aka MumInMind.
So first of all - How have you been feeling this last week MummaInky?
As I mentioned in the post above, I follow the philosophy of attachment/natural parenting and I am fighting the PND battle at the moment. I can truly relate to the things you mentioned in your original post - I too feel as though my eldest got the best of me, and my youngest child has been shortchanged. I feel guilty that my youngest is not attended to as fervently as my eldest was. You are not alone
I understand that you are consulting with speciailists in January, but I would strongly recommend finding a counseller in the interim. I find that counselling helps immensely, even if it's just someone to speak with who can assist you in processing everything. I also suggest discussing medication options with your GP - you mentioned that you were prescribed Citalopram but haven't taken it due to breastfeeding. I'm unsure whether this medication falls into the 'safe' bracket for breastfeeding, but it's definitely worth it to check - breastfeeding is important but so is your mental health. I am exclusively breastfeeding my son and i'm taking Zoloft, which I hear is a fairly common anti-depressant amongst breastfeeding mothers. However, different anti-depressants work for different people, so it's definitely something which needs to be discussed at length with your GP. Here is some more information regarding anti-depressants and breastfeeding which I found helpful (kellymom is a fantastic BFing resource!), however it's important to consult with a health care professional in that regard
On the breastfeeding note, you are doing a fabulous job - I have personally found BFing to be helpful in my PND battle, as I find it helps me enormously to bond with DS2. However, I sometimes feel stressed that DS2 relies heavily on me for all of his meals though, which is something I didn't experience with DS1 - you might be able to relate to that? In that case, there have been a few occasions where I have expressed milk and asked my DS2's father to give him a feed. I make sure I always keep expressed milk in the freezer, in case I really, really do not feel like breastfeeding (because chances are that if I don't feel like breastfeeding at the time, then I also don't feel like expressing!). Here is an article (from bub hub) about PND and Breastfeeding which was collated by the fabulous MumInMind - it's a really good read and has great tips for coping with PND while breastfeeding.
I agree with other posters in this thread - diet and exercise are really important for mental health. I notice a huge change in myself when I eat poorly and stop exercising. Lately I have been making a concerted effort to get out there and exercise, to release those feel-good hormones. Another important factor is family support. I read that your DH is quite helpful, which is great, and that you have found a wonderful mother's group. It's unfortunate that they only meet up every second week due to work commitments - are there any non-working mum's in the group who you could catch up with on the weeks you don't have mother's group? Either way it's fabulous that you have some support networks in place
I understand the guilt you might feel at having time away from the kids, but I think it's pretty important for your own sanity - it can really help with those feelings of resentment which may seem to fester if you have zero time to yourself. Perhaps you could look into a hiring a Nanny who is attachment parenting-friendly for a few hours each week, so that you can go do something for yourself. For myself, having time to recharge each week can be the difference between feeling happy and rejuvinated or very down in the dumps with zero motivation to even get out of bed, let alone be attentive to my children. Here is an article about finding an AP-friendly caregiver, so that you can ensure any sitting is done with the AP philosophy in mind.
I don't want to overload you with info, but you mentioned that you don't have time for basic housework, which I imagine adds to the frustration of everything and probably creates feelings of being completely and utterly overwhelmed. I have read several articles recommending babywearing in this instance, as apparently babywearing can assist those experiencing PND and can even reduce risk factors, as it can create a sense of freedom. See the paragraph below, taken from this article.
Babywearing Reduces Risk of Post-Natal Depression -Babywearing helps parents balance their needs with those of their baby. Baby carriers help prevent life becoming completely dictated by baby. This sense of personal freedom and flexibility may well reduce the potential risk of post-natal depression which is often associated with being housebound and missing out on much-needed social interactions.
I hope some of this has been helpful, even in the slightest. You are not the first AP parent experiencing PND, and you won't be the last (which makes me think I need to compile a list of resources for this section pertaining to PND). You sound like you are doing a fabulous job though, and you have done the right thing by reaching out for help. Once again, don't hesitate to PM me if you need someone to talk to or have any more questions. Many hugs
Last edited by BH-tech; 17-08-2015 at 10:42. Reason: Link Updates
04-12-2011 19:17 #13
Bump for OP
The Following User Says Thank You to Witwicky For This Useful Post:
04-12-2011 20:38 #14
Wow Witwicky, what an amazing post
I am feeling so much better this week. I took on the advice and have been eating better, taking vitamins and getting out into the sunshine and walking with the boys. We had a marvelous walk around the lake yesterday and fed the ducks some bread, it was awesome!
Hubby even asked this morning if I'd started taking the pills becuase I seemed happier (which I have not as yet but will speak to my doctor about this week)
But I know this is such a roller coaster ride and know some days are great, others are horrid. Sometimes the ups and lows leave you dizzy, for now I'm enjoying the up. I also gave myself permission to just be happy, which may sound like an odd thing but I often think I have two beautiful boys that I don't deserve.
I sacrificed some sleep a few nights ago and locked myself in the bathroom and had a bath and shaved my legs which had'nt been done since well before bubs was born and he is now 8 weeks old
Unfortunately for some reason I just can't express. It takes me half an hour to get 10ml. I could never do it for DS1 and disappointed to find I still can't. I consider giving him formula so I can have some time out but just can't bring myself to do it (breaking dawn will have to wait).
I have the number for PANDA and often think about calling, but then I just don't know what I'd say. . . ?
I've found this post wonderful, I think actually saying it out loud (well typing it for all to see) has actually helped a lot. I also opened up and told a mum from mothers group who then said she had it first time round but never felt happy to share it, which I am surprised how well you can cover it up when you want to...
And I've given myself a curfew, everything stops at 930 and go to bed, so I'd better say nigh nigh! Thank you all so much, it's great that although I'm only a screen name it feels nice to have people interested and care how your doing.
The Following User Says Thank You to AllYouNeedIsLove For This Useful Post:
05-12-2011 04:11 #15
It's great to hear you're doing well at the moment! And good news that you have been able to talk to someone in your mother's group about it.
I know what you mean about phoning the helpline - it can feel a bit weird ringing someone you don't know and have never seen to talk with! But I guarantee it's worth it if you do need someone to talk to, and the counsellors are great. When you phone, just say something alone those lines (about needing to talk to someone), and the counsellor on the other end will take it from there
As for seeing Breaking Dawn - there is a 'Babes in Arms' session showing at Event cinemas this week for that very movie
05-12-2011 06:17 #16
I'm guessing you have a small age gap? It's really difficult in those early days! I have 19 months between my two and it's only in the last few weeks (since DS turned 4 months) that things are getting normal. I too, find myself getting short tempered. It is hard to keep up with two small kids, especially when one is demanding attention while you're focussing on the other one!
It will definitely get better, just hang in there xx
06-12-2011 11:00 #17
Hello there, mumma inky.
First of all, I apologise for not seeing this thread until now; I don’t venture into the Natural/AP Sections as much as I would like!, so your post was a great wakening call! You have already received a lot of fantastic advice and resources from others in here, and Witwicky has beautifully articulated everything that I wanted to address.
In regards to calling PANDA, they are fantastic at ‘directing’ the call if you do not know where to start.It is perfectly fine to just cry and not say a word (Believe me; I have!), or tell them that you don’t really know where to start or what to say, but that you are finding parenting more challenging with your second born than you expected. PANDA also has a large database with a lots of information about perinatal support services in the community, so if you don’t really know what to say about your situation, perhaps you could ask them about support of all descriptions for your area. They are likely to ask you some questions so you can take it from there!
Furthermore, there is lots of information about PND on this forum. They are not AP specific but hopefully they contain some valuable information regardless. Please have look at this link for ‘sticky’ threads with resources about perinatal depression. http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/forumdisplay.php?79-General-depression-and-blues
Which reminds me:
Also, I want to tell you about a private discussion area on the forum, for members with perinatal depression. (Antenatal and Postnatal depression) The area aims to be a supportive area where sufferers of perinatal depression can come together for support, education and general chat. It is an accepting place where distressing issues that we may not feel comfortable disclosing elsewhere can be raised.
• If you want access to this private discussion area, please message me or the moderator ‘veve’ to request the password for this area.
• If you go to the section with the heading Not happy? Emotional health issues area, and click on the depression section, you can scroll down and will see a sub-section called Private Discussion Area.
• Use the requested password
• Once inside the area, you can subscribe to the sub-section to ensure that you always get an email whenever a new thread is started in there. To do that, click on the orange RSS button and follow the on-screen instructions. Because access to the new section is restricted, posts made in there will not appear in new posts and won't be indexed by google, etc.
The discussion area has been a really great success so far. It is a really supportive space full of intelligent, funny, understanding and supportive ladies who have experiences with PND and/or AND. We agree that talking privately with others in a similar situation has been really therapeutic and positive for us, so we are continuing to look for others who want to join our lovely "family".
Lastly, I want to tell you that I think you are being a fantastic parent by recognising that you are struggling at the moment. The sooner your concerns are addressed, the sooner your situation is likely to improve, and you can get back to where you want to be.
Please, please, please feel free to PM me if you feel like a private chat, I would love to hear from you. And please keep us updated on how you are progressing.
Lots of love from me to you.
The Following User Says Thank You to MuminMind For This Useful Post:
11-12-2011 14:41 #18
How are you going Mumma Inky?
14-12-2011 23:26 #19
Thanks for checking on me Witwicky..
I'm still on such a roller coaster ride some days I don't know which way is up. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some sort of horror movie where a sweet caring loving 1950's apron wearing baking mum turns into a monster at the flick of a switch.
Two days ago I had such a lovely day with the boys, but then at bedtime DS1 was taking FOREVER to go to sleep and the baby was crying for a feed and he tried to sit up in bed and I pushed him back down onto the bed. He must of been so scared and confused to have the person who usually consoles him and treats him tenderly be so mean to him, I'm still heartbroken over the whole thing
I've realized that I have a lot of triggers that seem to make things worse, when the house is a mess and the washing isn't done, when I haven't had time to shower or prepare a meal, and If the tellies been on and we haven't played many games or read a book that's when I just feel like such a failure as a mum and a wife.
DH is less than helpful I have to say. He is self employed and works late frequently. I keep asking him to just come home earlier so he can watch the kids and I can do some housework, but he keeps telling me that "others manage" followed by specific examples of others we know that must be "managing".
I miss my family a lot because both our families are three hours away, us being in the middle, but with his work moving is not an option atm.
I just had this dream of how our little family would be, and it's just so far from it. I feel like I'm not doing anything particulary well atm
But then tomorrows another day and hopefully better than today. I think that makes it worse, when we have a great day, I just wish it could be like that all the time
19-12-2011 18:51 #20
I have to say - I think it's a common misconception that your DH has, about everyone else "managing". I think he would be surprised by just how many people are battling PND in secret, as I have found in my own experience that it can be seen as something which is quite taboo (this is my experience). It's really unfortunate, because obviously women need to be able to speak up about it. I remember saying to a friend just a few months ago that it p!sses me off how others can cope and I can't, and I was shocked to discover that she herself battled PND with her first baby! I would never have known otherwise, she never let on and always seemed very cool, calm and collected. It might be a good idea for your DH to read some fact sheets on PND, do you think he would be up for it?
I'm sorry to hear that you haven't got a lot of support at the moment, particularly with your family 3 hours away. I highly recommend joining the private PND group that MumInMind mentioned - it's a wonderful, extremely supportive environment where everyone else can relate!
I hope you are doing well
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