We just found out at our scan on Tuesday that we are expecting another boy.
I had huge gender disappointment with with DS because I was convinced he was a girl... took months to bond with the pregnancy and even when he was born I was sad. DH wanted a son, so I was happy for him. DS is an absolute daddys boy also.
We both wanted a little girl this time. DH even had a name picked out. We found out its another boy... I am happy he is healthy, but this was going to be our last baby. I feel quite distraught and am close to tears all the time, even locking myself away in the toilet in the middle of the night to bawl my eyes out. DH wanted a girl also and is disappointed which isnt helping me feel any better.
I know I will love this baby, so it's not about that. I love my DS more than anything in this world. I just know that as much as people have told me I'll see him and fall in love and forget, im not denying that, but it still doesnt make him a girl and I wont forget.
I have spent the last few years since my DS was born dreaming about my daughter we were going to have. I am tempted to try for a 3rd after this baby is born but if I end up with 3 boys they might as well put me away.
I know you can't choose and I know theres as good a chance of having a boy as a girl. (even though we swayed for a girl this time) I just cant take the extreme feeling of sadness and loss away that I have felt for the last few years, which is now 10 times worse. Most of my friends now have one of each and all my pregnant friends are having girls... its making me feel so jealous and spiteful that they can have a girl and I can't and everyone knew how much we were hoping for a girl, I just can't take the comments they will make when they find out we have another boy.
I just think there will be an empty spot in my life and our family until we have a girl, but I don't think we'll have any more. I can't say I feel guilty because I know my reasons for wanting a daughter are valid.. and I know I will love my sons just as much as any girl... I know I feel depressed and sad though and wish something could take the feelings away, I want to be excited and happy.
I'm more scared about being pregnant again and having to find out we might have a 3rd boy. We havent even had this one yet.
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25-11-2011 16:31 #1
Another blue one.
25-11-2011 17:39 #2
We were told that DD1 was a boy and I was secretly devastated. I told no-one how I was feeling because I felt ashamed of my disappointment.
What helped me to make peace with it was to allow myself the time and space to be sad, ie - crying was only allowed in the shower and all other time I made myself think of 2 positives for every sad or negative thought I had about having a boy. With time and effort I overcame my disappointment and you will too
It was actually quite a mental adjustment I had to make once she was born a girl and not the boy we had prepared for!
All the best for your pregnancy , Shortii. Be kind to yourself
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25-11-2011 17:44 #3
You know what. Even though you are disappointed, two boys is effing awesome!!!
I love my two. It is so sweet, they truly adore each other & want to be together constantly.
I myself have a brother & no one else & it's so hard being different gender. He's not into what I'm in to & I'm not interested in things that interest him. The only common ground we have is mum & dad & extended family. Every conversation is just what we need to say, not actual banter back & forth.
I watch hubby with his brother & they talk, then they talk rubbish& laugh & have a few drinks & get on like best mates. And then I see him with his sister & it's the same conversations my brother & I have.
Although you maybe initially disappointed, just think of the fun these boys are going to have together. It is truly magical. Promise
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25-11-2011 18:30 #4-
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
I know how you feel - I also have 2 boys, and a stepson. And experienced gender disappointment both times. I love them unconditionally and they are both cool little dudes with great little personalities and I wouldn't change anything about them. But even now I long for the daughter I don't have, and dread TTC in the future in case I have another boy. If you ever need someone to talk to that can relate, don't hesitate to PM me
Last edited by Littlemissmetal; 25-11-2011 at 18:34.
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14-12-2011 12:36 #5
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had my 2nd son 2 months ago and was so depressed when I found out I was having a boy. It wasn't that I didn't want another boy - but that it meant I would never have the daughter I have wanted all my life. There is a lot of guilt involved in gender disappointment, and I know some people say you are just lucky to have a healthy baby (which is true) - but you are entitled to feel the way you feel. I think it helps other women when you admit to these things.
I have just done an interview with 'Mother and Baby' magazine about my gender disappointment and it will be in the next issue along with my name and a photo of my family. I'm expecting some negative feedback but decided to do it anyway as it is a legitimate emotion I'm feeling and I'm not the only one feeling this way and I want to help other women and let them know they aren't the only ones.
DH is adamant we are having no more children which breaks my heart. I feel like my dreams have been shattered.
to you Shortiii
14-12-2011 13:03 #6mama bear
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- Feb 2011
- In an apartment
15-12-2011 03:02 #7Junior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
I do sort of know where you are coming from. We have 3 boys and were told that this baby was a boy at 20 weeks, this is very much our last child and I had to take a day to think about whether I had actually wanted a girl or a child iykwim? I realised that a child was what was going to make our family complete and that the sex was pretty much secondary. I told people we were having a boy, not "another" boy simply a boy!
Of course to throw a spanner in the works we found out at 25 weeks that they were wrong at our 20 week scan and that we are actually 100% having a girl, so that took a bit of adjusting to as well.
Don't feel bad, but, do look for the positives. Two of my boys are close in age and are the very best of friends, in fact I sort of worry that this little girl will be a bit left out.
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