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  1. #751
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    As of now I don't know what is flowing more, AF or tears.
    Feeling pretty defeated. Mainly I keeping thinking if a Grade 1 embryo can't stick and stay what chance do I have? and was it because my eggs are old that the little embie couldn't grow? Like a fault in it relating to age if you know what I mean.

  2. #752
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    Oh fort my heart goes out to you xxx you can also look at it as not so bad hun as it was yr first Ivf attempt and you got a positive the first time round and next time yr fs will adjust your treatment and you will be fantastic!! I know how you feel with the tears it's a tough/**** time and cry as much as you like Hun cause it all helps. Thinking of you heaps eat and drink what you like Hun then speak to yr fs to see what can be done differently next time xx sending u hugs hugs and more hugs xxx

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Leannep For This Useful Post:

    Fortitude  (09-06-2012)

  4. #753
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    Hey Leanne,
    I feel sad, but one thing this IVF has openned my eyes to is the sheer struggle having a child is for rather alot of people.
    I feel a greater pity for those struggling and a keener sense of annoyment when people who don't have fertility issues seem to show off their fertility or take it for granted.
    I for one took my past fertility for granted, 100%. I had not one thought that my pregnancies might fail or MC. Yet, here I am now on planet IVF- a whole new ball game.
    Thanks for the hugs xoxoxox. I feel a bit lost right now because I don't exactly understand where it goes from here.
    I truely hope your dream comes true Leanne. I copied you a bit... I know you like shopping! I bought myself a bubby blanket- as a symbol of the pregnancy. Even though it was a failed pregnancy I wanted the actual baby item to celebrate it (does that make sense?). I found having an actual baby item in the house makes me more hopeful that my dreams might come true.
    How's the DHEA going?

    How are all of you other lovely ladies going?

  5. #754
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    Oh fort one of my girlfriends doing Ivf and Ivf came up with the theory that every woman should go through one Ivf cycle to really know what goes on because it's an eye opener lol also they might appreciate there pregnancy
    You will get there Hun I know you will re shopping I'm shocking it's unbelievable I have way too much stuff so my next shot has gotta work I have everything crossed for all of us as for the dhea well it better work lol my hairs falling out and my skin is a mess and well extra facial hair seems to have slowed down(it's wonderful stuff lol) but its my last hope!! I think I am also going to ask my fs about freezing them and transferring them the next month to allow my body to recover from the collection and see what he says????
    Hun we are here if you need us down load cry what ever
    Oh and ps yr my inspiration loosing 50kg I'm on the weight loss track now and see how I go!! Thinking of you xxx

  6. #755
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    Aww Leanne thanks!
    Glad I can inspire. My theory has been simple for weight loss. I ate alot of naughty stuff and should have worked it off then- but it wasn't too late to work it off now. I set lots of small milestones because trying to look at the total amount of weight I needed to lose was doing my head in. LOL Being so strict that you can't ever have a treat never worked for me either, because seriously I love food and would hate that life. I hate the gym, I never ever want to go to a gym- they make me feel ugly, old and fat (even now). If you have the $ a treadmill or exercise bike is a GREAT thing- as you can park your butt near a TV and watch something to make the time pass. Sounds like you are already making fantastic progress- well done!!
    Glad to hear that DHEA stuff is settling a bit, shame about the hair though. I love the idea that all women should have to do IVF once (AND PAY FOR IT!!!)
    I am going to focus my nesting needs on my spare room- it is so full of crap that I can barely get inside it. I need to rearrange and toss a heap of stuff out. I want the room painted, new blind (at the moment there is no window covering at all) and make it all fresh.
    What scares me is how much I want IVF to work and how I might feel if it doesn't. I am lucky as I have children, but in my heart of hearts I have been desperately wanting this last baby for 12 years. The want has never left me, try as I could to 'get over it' and 'move on' I never could.
    About shopping, do you buy online? I bought online cause I didn't want to be seen in a baby shop- cause nobody (excpet our parents) knows I am TTC. Any good online shops you'd recommend?
    Comments about frosties: I was talking with another IVF lady who goes through my clinic and she said her Dr Bowman said the FET have a higher success rate. Maybe your idea about frosties is a good idea? BUT the only possible problem is they tend to have very tight criteria for quality for freezability compared to fresh transfer quality standards from what I understand. So what might be considered worthy of ET in a Stim cycle may not meet the criteria for freezing. You would also run the risk that a great embie might fail to thaw. I wonder if you could do ET with the lesser quality ones during stim cycle and freeze the better quality one? The other thing to consider is that only 50% of stim cycles have an embryo/embryos that are freezable- perhaps you might need to go into the cycle with the attitude of "if" none are freezable but are transferable for the stim cycle you may just have to go ahead with ET anyway?
    I have been through a pregnancy where I started it at over 110kg- I did end up with pre-eclampsia and a premmie bub, but I also had a previous history for that. I didn't get the diabetes though.

    How long until your next cycle? I know it's a while.
    PS sorry I just realised I wrote you a small novel! LOL

  7. #756
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    fortitude.... hang in there sweetie... its always so hard the first time... and its your first cycle which makes the blow even more hard. After just having gone through what you have I can sympathise... and a pity party of gorgeous food and wine and cuddles from DH really helps... as for the shopping... well online shopping is evil...lol.... try nextdirect.com... international site for clothes free delivery...
    and I always keep an eye out on sears.com as they have specials on shipping everynow and again.
    As to why it failed... well probably eggs is the most logical answer.. when you are over 40 it really is a lottery on the eggs being chromosomally normal... about 3/10 will be normal... ivf helps to filter out the bad ones... but unfortunately bad eggs can still make great blasts and implant.
    It is just a matter of time and your next cycle will be even better... if I can get pregnant with 41.5yr old eggs... you can do it... and here I am planning for my last cycle where I will be 44..eek.. I have every confidence you will be pregnant but it may just take time...this ivf game really sucks... but the drug taking does get better as you do more cycles..
    hugs to you

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to micca For This Useful Post:

    Fortitude  (09-06-2012)

  9. #757
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    Thanks heaps micca- I know it sounds crazy but the disappointment has made me more determined. I don't think I will stop until the FS says Game Over. 3/10... yeah that sucks. I am going to ask my FS about DHEA see what she says.

    Question:
    I know I am emotional from this disappointment- but are the hormones crazy and adding to it?

  10. #758
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    Hi there Ladies im back on "the wagon" so to speak I just cant seem to quit we have decided that we were blessed to be given those beautiful doner icycle babies we need to see them thru as we cannot bear to have them destroyed because just one might be a bub for us it has been a massive 9 months for us with job changes weve stopped working together (the 1st time weve been appart since losing our son) we have gone from working 115 hours per week to 38 hours a week my house has never been so clean I have just gone thru day surgery they found a massive poloyp (2cm) and apparently im riddled with endo!!! so until I see fs next week not sure where I stand or what it means for my journey but we plan on doing another cycle this next couple of months. We also have been fortunate enough to have Dh 15 year old son move in with us so life has been very different to say the least....


    I have been stalking for the last 9 months watching and sharing all your up's and down's hopefully I now have the time to keep up with you all again!!!!

    Hope you all have a great weekend



    ICSI #1 2008(1 Embryo) -DS Archie Jo(stillborn at 36wks and 5 days)
    ICSI #2 2009(2 Embryo's) 1 Transfered -BFN (1 frozen)
    FET #3 2009 BFN
    ICSI #42009(2 Embryos) 2 Transfered -BFN
    ICSI #52010(2 Embryos) 2 Transfered -BFN
    ICSI #6 2011 May/June 2011 -BFN

    ED 2011 no luck -BFN

    # 8 Here we come

  11. #759
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    Fort I am so sorry, it's just awful.

    I want to echo everything Leanne said & understand how devastated you must be.

    It's kind of hard to know whether it's hormones plus natural feelings of disappointment but I wouldn't worry about trying to analyse it too much hun. Feel what you need to feel, that's the most important thing, let yourself cry, be angry etc., all those things the 'experts' say to help you on the road to recovery.

    On frosties & grade 1 embies. I had about 4 grade 1 embies transferred sadly with BFNs. I agree with Micca, as did my FS, it was most likely egg quality and really became a game of numbers. I got my current BFP aged 42.

    Dr Bowman is my FS and I am probably living proof that frosties are a better outcome. They will generally want to transfer the best embie fresh but if you really wanted to push for a frozen transfer, they would do it. There's an obvious extra cost for that though - and I think it does help if you have a regular cycle to enable you to do a natural FET (of course a medicated FET could work too but the optimum environment is the body in its natural state). Genea also has a very good vitrification record, so if you have a grade 1 or 2 embie, the thawing success are very high. I had 4 frozen transfers & all of them thawed very well.

    Good luck and try to switch off over the next few days to help yourself feel better.

    Hi to everyone....

  12. #760
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    Fort- when I had my first m/c blighted ovum I had a D&C I ask them to do a generic test on the matter/embro and the outcome was trimosy...it was a terrible time being my first fertility treatment, then my ectopic was worse with the rising Hcg knowing that it was coming to a end, like Micca and many others, you investigate and persist, and yes IVF is a restrictive group with others no quiet understanding the mental pressures associated with it (even when they think they do, they don't!).
    And yes hormones & disappointment all add to what your feeling!
    Tens2many- what you went through with your son was cruel and my worse nightmare, you truly are a remarkable woman! Glad to hear your back on the journey with us.

    I was thinking about trying to get a embryo to blasty but with my poor response to stim with, if I'm lucky two eggs, is it worth the risk??? I've been on DHEA for 4 months now and it is truly making a mess of my skin and hair!

    Have a nice Sunday ladies x

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Anxious For This Useful Post:

    wanabemum  (10-06-2012)


 

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