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  1. #1
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    Default q for those who are not with the father when baby is born.

    My partner has left me and the kids, im a few weeks away from giving birth to my fourth ( his second) child. He will be living a hour away, and works, im really worried about with babies how they form a bond with the dad when they dont see them often>? Obviously he cant take the baby away so he is just going to have to visit with bub here ( painful) and only on his days off, which im sure he wont use every day off to come here caus he loves to do his own thing.. pfft.. anyway has anyone had experience with this? Did the dad still get to have a good bond even though they arent there much? did bubby know who dad is.. i really worry about that as bub will see my friends, parents etc more than her own father so how does she k now its her dad? (before shes at a age where she can be told)
    Thank u

  2. #2
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    I don't have experience in the same context but when my DP was away for a period of time (work) I would give the boys something he had worn which had his smell on it, that way when he came home they hopefully put two and two together.
    I am not sure if that is something you want to do but it's just a suggestion.

    My DP also has a DD from a previous relationship, he often travelled away for work for weeks at a time and then they split up just before her 1st bday. From then he had her nearly every weekend and they have a fantastic bond. Due to living in different countries he has only seen her 4-5 times a year and she differently knows who her father is and loves him very much.

  3. #3
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    Fuchsia! is offline Winner 2009 - Best Signature
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    Shmoooooooosh! AKA jaxcoop
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    My kids have grown up with their father living 4hrs away since they were born.

    He had a good bond with them seeing them every couple of weeks. But he has repartnered now so he has taken them for a grand total of 8 days since last Xmas and I have noticed the kids don't really care for him now and the bond is slowly breaking away.

    So I think regular contact is great way to build a bond.

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    I broke up with FOB when I was pregnant with DD. Her dad was involved every so often when she was a baby and saw her for short or day visits maybe once a week depending his social life until after around 14 months after I stopped breast feeding and he started taking her overnight once a fortnight. Now that she's nearly 3 he's started taking a lot more of an interest in her as she's more independent and can do more things. He takes her Sunday's and Monday's nearly every week and she has a great bond with him. He lives about 45 mins away which isn't so bad because we share the trips and I'll drop her at his place and he'll drop her home. Don't worry about bubs forming a bond with him in the beginning just because he's not there everyday. So long as he is making an effort to see her and is spending quality time with her the bond will develop over the years.


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    Oh and we did go through a few periods where DD would cry and cling to me when he came to pick her up when she was a young toddler. It was hard for me but I knew she would get over it. She always settled within 5 mins of being with him though. Now when he dropped her home last weekend she bawled and clung to him because she didn't want him to leave!


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    I know it's painful for you emotionally (I have BTDT too) but at the end of the day the one who will miss our most, will be your ex, if he decides his time is more important than bonding with his baby.

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  8. #7
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    i like the shirt with smell idea.. maybe i could buy some of his deodorant and put it on a blanky for baby.. Ive been through this before with my ex husband and it was a bit easier as he was in the same town so for first few months he used to come over every night and see the kids ( of course that faded away less and less and now doesnt see them at all) so im just worried about this dad not being here from the get go and also only coming up maybe once a week max... And yep he will definitly be the one missing out, he doesnt see it that way though - one of the reasons hes leaving us is he cant handle the step dad thing( felt 6 years of trying was enough) and that how we will have 4 kids total, he cant handle that and needs his freedom and space. Glad he decided that AFTER we decided to have a fourth ( his decision iwas done with 3 kids!) :-/


 

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