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  1. #51
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    At our wedding we had a wishing well but only cause I thought it was the norm these days or that's what people told me anyway because a lot of people told us they would prefer to give us money so I thought as a safety thing money would be better in the well lol. We also gave people the option if they wanted to bring a gift. It wasn't about gifts or money it was about people enjoying my day with me. I would never expect people to pay for their meal and drinks, I invited them to have a good time not to sit at the table and think to themselves oh I can't eat or drink cause I can't donate enough money to the wishing well. I know wishing wells are becoming the norm these days and that's fine I would prefer to give money if that's what the bride and groom wanted but if they wanted gifts then I would happily do that too. As far as the green notes go that is soo rude and I would be embarrassed to have that on my invite!! I wouldn't have a wishing well at an engagement or a first birthday party that's very very rude and tbh I would be wondering whether the money would go into the child's bank account or to the parents.. Just a thought.

  2. #52
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    I was never going to have a wishing well when I got married, and then for our engagement party got towels, wine glasses and photo frames which we already had a million of after living together for 3 years. I could just imagine bringing home more of them so we decided on a wishing well.

    We did however have one of those poems about if you prefer not to that's fine too, and I allowed for anonymity by providing an envelope they could place in the well instead of having inside gift card. This way we didn't know how much had been given from alot of people.

    I don't think it is appropriate for 1st birthdays, but for certain reasons maybe 21st I could handle. Ie wanting to head overseas or something.

  3. #53
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    It's very interesting seeing how differently people view this topic. I'm neither for or against wishing wells. We didn't put anything on our engagement and won't for our wedding. However - I went to a wedding last night that had 270 guests - so a large European affair. In the European culture that I belong too, people are very generous at weddings and I would say that 95% of people last night would have easily given a gift if $100 MINIMUM for each attendee. So, doing that math that's over $27k spent in gifts for this couple - and seriously if everyone was going to get them a physical gift, i would hate to see how you fit $27k worth of stuff in a house the couple have already lived in for three years. So I totally think a wishing well was the way to go - otherwise that is a lot of towels!!!!

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    I think as a pp said the etiquette is you should give what the function costs per person, I would much prefer to give money or registry gifts as at least you know what they want and don't have to stress about buying a present and wasting your money on something they don't want.
    Ezackly

  5. #55
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    Expecting gifts for engagements Is tacky and rude!

    We had a registry that had gifts of under $50 only that we told our parents about so if people asked them about what to buy they could tell them about it. Only grandparents and aunties and uncles used it. And a few long distance people.

    But mostly we got towels, glasses and photo frames, which 4 years on are all actually being used as we broke half our glasses and random coloured towels are great for swimming lessons and deflooding the bathroom after Belle has fun.

    And some people gave is nothing as a wrapped gift but walked in with a calton of booze and asked where to put it for everyone to share which was great!

    I can't afford to put $50 in a card, but I'm awesome at buying gifts. And I think it's more rude to not turn up to a friends engagement party so I always offer to help out with decorations and setup and cleanup and buy a small personal gift. Or take advantage of some of the group buying deals. And if nothing else I make up a package of 2 movie vouchers and lollies.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat1341 View Post
    I agree, wishing well at an engagement is very presumptuous (sp??) Meanwhile, we are invited to a 1st birthday party (yes, a 1st birthday ) with the invitation specifically saying 'no obligation, but we are having a wishing we'll if you would like to make a contribution'. ...W..T..F???!!??!!
    I didn't get any further reading this thread past this post as it gobsmacked me so much!!!!!!

    A wishing well for a first birthday!!!!! Now I have heard it alll!!!!!!

    I agree a wishing well for wedding - fine but engagement - not so much, bit of 'double dipping' but it really seems to be the done thing these days!!!

    Asking for birthdays is just taking into the greedy, WTF zone!!!

    I would say $50 is more than enough, I usually go $50 engagement, $100 wedding!

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneDoe View Post
    I didn't get any further reading this thread past this post as it gobsmacked me so much!!!!!!

    A wishing well for a first birthday!!!!! Now I have heard it alll!!!!!!

    I agree a wishing well for wedding - fine but engagement - not so much, bit of 'double dipping' but it really seems to be the done thing these days!!!

    Asking for birthdays is just taking into the greedy, WTF zone!!!

    I would say $50 is more than enough, I usually go $50 engagement, $100 wedding!
    Yep, this is what I do too

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaddyLarge View Post
    I ignore registries, and as far as I'm concerned wishing wells are for botanical gardens. I couldn't imagine the thought process behind inviting people to enjoy my hospitality and then charging them for the privilege. How mercenary is that?

    Gifts are supposed to represent thoughts and feelings, rather than being some kind of bizarre payment in kind. I know exactly how I'd respond if someone handed me an invite with a cheesy poem about what colour banknotes they expect me to give them.

    Strangely enough, when we invited people to our wedding it was because we wanted those people to join us in celebrating our special day. Maybe we should have put more thought into how to extract more loot?
    Hahaha well said!

  9. #59
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    I feel comfortable that I gave $50! I'm not against wishing wells at all, but don't really understand it? I like the idea that a pp mentioned about it being anonymous though! The engagement party wasn't a flashy sit down meal or anything just close friends and family, some drinks and nibbles. Not that it matters I still would have felt comfortable giving $50! I was worrying over nothing as if my friend and her df would honestly go through the well and think anyone stingy!

    As for a pp calling us all stingy for giving what we can afford - shame on you!

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  11. #60
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    I usually buy a gift under $50 for teh engagement party and $100 into teh wishing well at the wedding


 
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