I think you are a caring supportive friend GFP, and it sounds like your friend may well have depression or even PTSD. The thing is,many women regret it in hindsight but are adament when they are there. I have a few gf's that regret their abortions, but at the time of the op were sure it was what needed to be done. The clinics can't be expected to identify women that may change their stance down the track.
Don't get me wrong, I do agree there isn't enough counselling. My friends have said their 'counselling' consisted of some tokenistic checklists and a 5 min discussion if they were sure. I guess what I'm trying to say is that many women present being adament, and given it's the woman's choice, the clinic can't deny a woman with a dr's referral who is clearly saying they want the procedure 'jic' she changes her mind.
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11-12-2011 08:25 #11
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11-12-2011 08:30 #12
I think your friend needs to concentrate and reaffirm why she chose this route. My DH and I fell pregnant when we were dating. I was living overseas when we met and had no intention of starting a family without concrete foundations. I had also had a wild time whist not knowing I was pg so didn't want the consequences of that. I didn't have counseling but we had time to think about it before doctor would do it.
I have had a few minor regrets as it has taken a long time to get pg again but nothing in comparison to your friend.
I hope your friend is getting help. She is carrying a huge and unnecessary burden. She needs to look forward not backwards but needs help getting there.
I think you are right she needs better support.
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11-12-2011 08:38 #13
I just want to add, mandatory is probably the wrong word, or too strong etc. Just would like counseling (more than is offered) to be a part of the process. I looked into doing sperm donation and did you know that I would have had to have two counseling sessions before I did it? To donate sperm for crying out loud!! You would think that there would be something more involved in place for women having abortions. It's certainly a hell of a lot more emotionally challenging than sperm donation!
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11-12-2011 08:42 #14
11-12-2011 08:47 #15-
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
From you FB page:
If she is choosing to abort because of perceived problems instead of real ones, as soon as she comes to the understanding that her problems at the time were not insurmountable after all, isn’t it likely she will find sorrow and regret for her abortion decision that will overwhelm
Hmmmm. While you say you are choice neutral, your page does NOT reflect that. I hope your friend is ok, but no, I don't support you in your bid for mandatory counselling. But, I do believe that there should be better aftercare for women who have had a termination.
11-12-2011 09:09 #16
I agree that in a lot of circumstances, women don't have the resources or information to make an INFORMED choice. GFP you may be interested in the non-profit organization called Real Choices Australia. Their focus is on supporting pregnant women and informing them of their options so they can make an informed choice. I know they've also been involved with post abortion counseling.
I'm sorry your friend is going through this. I hope she gets the help and support she needs.
11-12-2011 09:37 #17
I've read through this thread, and I've read your page description, and I DO get where you're coming from.
To me it doesn't read as pro-life, but that more education and counselling needs to be offered to women considering abortion.
I guess for me, I can relate FAR too well, and so I see exactly where you're coming from, from an "insiders" point of view.
I know there are a LOT of women here who have had terminations, and I'm one of them. Sadly though I'm one of the ones who more than a decade on, feel like the wrong choice was made, and wish there had have been counselling offered.
I was living in NZ at the time of mine, but I know a couple of people here who have had terminations aswell, and the process seems the same.
At the time of mine I was 17 and in a physically and psychologically abusive relationship. My pill failed and I fell pregnant, and the father threatened that if I didn't abort, he would "do it for me". I had no doubt (and still don't), that he would have done it too.
I didn't want to terminate, and within the 5 minute pre-booking questionaire I made it quite clear that I was uncomfortable with the decision. The father was with me so I couldnt tell them exactly what was going on, but had I been offered counselling, he wouldn't have been able to be present.
I realise now that I could have done more to make people aware of what was going on, but at the time (despite being a know-it-all teen and thinking I was really mature yadda yadda yadda), I was a CHILD, and couldn't see beyond the immediate situation.
12 years on I do feel guilt, and I do feel even if I had been given counselling and chosen to terminate, I at least would have been at peace with my decision.
I'm now 34 weeks pregnant with my second child, but it took us 4 years to concieve this time around, and with every month that went by and I hadn't fallen pregnant, I was convinced it was my punishment for my termination. (May sound silly but it's difficult not to consider).
So yeah, I wholeheartedly support your cause. And I thank you for caring enough about your friend to act on this issue
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11-12-2011 09:44 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Northern Beaches, Sydney
Mandatory sessions? I feel for some woman that could add to the trauma. It's also degrading for some who have made their own informed choices but are expected to be dragged through some systematic process. It sounds like your friend needs post abortion counselling. Done well many women feel comfortable with their original decision.
11-12-2011 09:59 #19-
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- The 'Gong, NSW
I think self doubt often comes as a result of a termination.
I was 17 when I had mine, and was definitely not in a good position to have a baby, but there are times where I look back and think I could have managed. At the time I was one hundred percent sure that a termination was the only option.
ETA: I do think there may be a necessity to further discuss the risks and future complications of termination. While the risks are slim, some people, like me, can end up with cervical incompetence which in my case resulted in a second trimester miscarriage.
11-12-2011 09:59 #20
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