OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG are we married to the same guy like seriously everything you have said is exactly what happens with me and DH to the point where its always way me breaking the silence
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23-08-2011 21:55 #11
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24-08-2011 04:49 #12
I have talked to mine when he is back to normal. Basically I told him the three year old silent sulks don't wash and if he does it again he won't be happy with the result. In normal times he adores me and our daughter. I feel your pain and I would go get professional advice how to tackle it. It is a form of abuse. Mine has slept on the couch over night but ours r over in a day. Friggin hell they can b so immature!!!!
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24-08-2011 12:45 #13
An update for anyone interested. Its Day 8 today and the silent treatment continues... I have composed an email to him which is sitting in my drafts folder. I'll hold off sending it for now, but its looking as though it will have to be me that does the adult thing and makes first contact, yet again. I don't want to do it before Sat though, as I've made plans to spoil myself and I'm not missing out on that!
Since I read all that emotional abuse stuff, its like a switch has flipped and I have a newfound disgust for him. Normally I'd look wistfully at him and wish he'd just come & hug me, but now the thought of touching him is repulsive. With each passing day I care less and less about making up, and the disgust is developing into hatred. I can't believe this is happening to me!
I made to a call to a counsellor, initially I'll go alone and if he decides he wants to fix things, then we can go together.
Threadkiller- I doubt we're married to the same guy, unless you had your kids with someone else . Its awful that they do this to us. I hope we both find ways to snap them out of it. Now that I've realised its abuse, I'm seeing him through different eyes and its really helping me to get through the days without giving in to him, and I won't be allowing a 'next time'.
IVFhopeful- I'm glad your DH listened to you and your fights are over within a day. I have decided to seek professional help. This morning I cancelled our FET plans for next month because of this nonsense. The fact this has now spilled over into other parts of our life shows its just gone way too far this time.
24-08-2011 12:57 #14
It's disgusting, controlling behaviour. It is indeed abuse. He makes you feel like crap, he does it because he know it hurts you.
My BIL does it to my sister, the same exact thing, won't speak to or acknowledge her for weeks at a time.
He is a pig of a man, lousy, selfish, useless pig and its his way to make sure she feels like she needs him.
I'd get outta there, I know it's easier said than done (my sister married the idiot knowing this) but from what I see, it never changes. It works for him so why stop?
I hope your DH agrees to counselling, but I wouldn't pin my hopes on it, he does this because he gets what he wants from it, and he won't see anything wrong with it at all.
Hope he grows a set and acts like a real man.
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24-08-2011 18:52 #15
Wow! 8 days. Thanks for the update. I'm glad you have seen the light. Stay strong. Keep us updated.
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24-08-2011 18:55 #16
I hope he attends councilling with you, otherwise I'd still go myself and piece together what's going on and where you want to go from here.
Relationships Australia are good if that helps.
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24-08-2011 19:06 #17
Stay strong. Counselling will be good for you to sort out your own feelings and maybe to help build some coping strategies. I'm glad you are treating yourself on Saturday, enjoy it.
8 days is ridiculous. Would he even remember what the fight was about or would he be making more issues up in his head? You deserve better than this. He is not showing you any respect or acting like a loving partner should. I hope he too seeks help. You don't want this to be your relationship for ever after.
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24-08-2011 19:13 #18
damn I just wrote a very insightful response lol and BH got another flutter, so I'll condense....
Yes it is abuse imo. This is more than a bit of a sulk. My DH can be a sulker, but I leave him for an hour, give him space and he apologises. Sometimes people are like that... but 8 days? that is just ridiculous and he's doing it to punish you for a perceived transgression. After a lot of years with my husband I acknowledge most long term relationships come about from forgiveness and not leaving over every tiny little thing. People aren't perfect and we all have our faults. But if that was my husband after 8 days his bags would be sitting on the step with a note to come and talk when he's ready to grow up and be an adult
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24-08-2011 19:16 #19
Wow I thought my ex was bad with his sulking for days! but to outright ignore you for 11 days straight....that takes commitment, and that commitment sure as hell isn't to you
It took me a long time to recognise that my ex was abusive. His behaviour didn't sit right with me but I wouldn't have called it abuse. It took him physically assaulting me for me to open my eyes and see that yes, he was trying to isolate me from my friends and family, that yes, his behaviour was incredibly childish, manipulative and controlling and yes, when were having sex and I told him to stop, it was rape when he didn't. I even took him back after his assault and things were great for a few months, great enough for us to be expecting another bub in Dec. But pretty quickly he returned to what I call his 'default *** hole setting' where he does nothing but pout, kick up a fuss and try to convince me that his behaviour is ok. He's just tired, he's over worked, he's sorry he did/didn't do that, he'll never do it again.
I know exactly what you mean about the more you think on it, the more repulsive and disgusting he seems. I used to LOATHE my ex some days and it turned me into a person that i didn't like and couldn't stand being. Now we've broken up and I have my own space and my own time and I know I will NEVER have to put up with that type of cr@p from him again, the relief is overwhelming. Everyday since I have looked at my life and marvelled at the peace of it, the peace I feel where there used to be upset and hurt and resentment and chaos.
I really hope you manage to figure out what is right for YOU in this situation. If all else fails, my new motto is "I will put myself first when i need to, because no one else will." and you defintely need to put yourself first here. He is.
And p.s He's a w@nker!
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24-08-2011 19:26 #20
omg couldnt read and not reply with some massive hugs!!!
Your so strong for putting up with his sh*t for so long!!
I hope you get a good resolution. You dont deserve this. Men are idiots and we can be b*tches but you dont treat your loved ones like this
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