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  1. #1
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    Default Just so disappointed!

    I'm 32 weeks pregnant and just found out yesterday that the hospital I wanted to birth at, thought that I WAS birthing at has rejected me "because I don't fit their birthing criteria".
    This is a BIG deal for me. This is my fourth bub but my first hospital birthing experience. It has taken a long time for me to be "OK" with the idea that this baby won't be born at home, like my other 3 children. The idea of birthing in hospital scares the hell out of me -- the people who are supposed to be "the experts" just don't seem to get that women have been birthing babies since time began, it's what we are designed to do. Birth is just birth -- not rocket science. They don't need to make it into something complicated.
    Anyway, I thought I had found the perfect place and the perfect doctor/obstetrician for this birth. (And can I just point out, my doctor trusts the hospital system so much that even she chose to birth at home!!) I had my booking in appointment at the hospital about a month ago and fell in love with the place. I came home so excited; so comfortable with the idea that I CAN make this "birthing in a hospital" thing work for me, that I CAN achieve the kind of birth I want/need even though I'd be in a hospital.
    Unfortunately, they have now decided that they are a bit freaked out by my obstetric history, which goes like this...
    After an amazingly simple and straight-forward and glorious first birth, my second daughter "got stuck" (our belief as to why this happened differs from "the experts"... so, apparently, we have no clue and are wrong!! We believe it was the distracted labour, they believe it was my daughter's size) and needed some resusitation when she was born. After a very "political" and battle-weary third pregnancy (trying to achieve the kind of birth I knew I needed), something (nobody knows exactly what) went wrong right at the end of the labour and our little boy was born unresponsive and died 2 days later in hospital. (NB. Bub was BIGGER than his sister and DIDN'T get stuck!)
    Now I know there will be those of you out there going "well, I'd say they have good cause to be concerned by your birthing history". My point is, WE aren't!! We don't look at what has happened and automatically go "oh no! That is going to happen again! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" Going by their attitudes, and by what happened with the last birth, we should never have worried about getting pregnant again, because this baby is CERTAIN to die... based on the idea that the last one did. (During the last pregnancy, the baby was going to get stuck, because the second one did!) If WE aren't "frightened.... why do THEY need to be?? Why can't we all assume everything is going to go fine and IF something does go pear-shaped, let's deal with it then. WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE SO MUCH FEAR AROUND CHILDBIRTH??

    So, anyway, all that aside... I am now faced with the prospect of having to birth at our local hospital -- which is exactly what I was trying to avoid (I don't trust them and I don't feel comfortable there) -- or having to travel much further a field trying to find somewhere I'm comfortable with and all the complications that go with that.
    8 to 10 weeks out from this baby arriving, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm suddenly back in this place of "OMG, how am I possibly going to birth this baby in hospital??" This pregnancy has been so much more relaxed and stress-free, not to mention happier, than the last one. I've really been able to enjoy it... and now this!! All because the staff at this hospital are "scared".

    All I want is to birth my baby -- the way it was intended, the way I know I need to. Surely, it doesn't have to be this complicated!!

  2. #2
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    Oh I'm so sorry maybe see if you can talk to your ob about getting you in? lots of


    Me 20 ~ montessori mummy
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  3. #3
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    Wow. I completely sympathize that u r in such a panic at this late stage of your pregnancy.
    IMO there IS a valid reason for fear surrounding some births because years ago there were more deaths of mothers and babies. I am a little baffled how u are so unhappy about birthing at a hospital after loosing your last baby. If it were me I would endure any intervention necessary to bring my next baby home safely. please don't take me wrong I am not placing blame I just believe there is a reason we have medical advances these days and it sounds like your case is one example.
    Maybe u could just go down to your local hospital and meet with a midwife, explain your concerns but go in with an open mind and your baby's health as your main priority.

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    I'm not sure I get the mentality that baby is the only one who is important.. The birthing experience is very important and there are some very real reasons to be afraid have you ever visited the birth trauma section?..

    Could you maybe hire a heap of support to help you get the birth you want? Go in armed with info etc and lay down the law sts


    Me 20 ~ montessori mummy
    He 19 ~ learning quickly
    DS 03/07 ~ pirate prince
    DD 10/11 ~ boobing princess

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    kbf2plus2 (18-08-2011)

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by parentingrocks View Post
    I am a little baffled how u are so unhappy about birthing at a hospital after loosing your last baby. If it were me I would endure any intervention necessary to bring my next baby home safely. please don't take me wrong I am not placing blame I just believe there is a reason we have medical advances these days and it sounds like your case is one example.
    I get that you might be baffled because for some people the most important result is the baby at the end. They don't care how it gets there... they just want the baby. For us the birth and pregnancy are just as important and we are also able to accept the fact that not all babies are meant to be. Babies die. Mothers die. People die. That's how it is.
    We also believe that our baby still would have died even if we had been in the BEST hospital, with the BEST doctors, with the BEST equipment. He was alive when his head came out, when his body was birthed 5 mins later there was no sign of life. No response to CPR. Ambulance officers were able to get his heart going when they arrived using more invasive methods but he never breathed on his own. Now WHY it happened like that, I have NO idea. Neither does anyone else. My guess is, he just wasn't meant to be.

  7. #6
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    I'm so sorry you lost your baby
    I think it sux you can't birth at the hospital you want, so now you have to go to your local hospital? I think you can have the birth you want in a hospital, I had a drug free, intervention free birth at a hospital and it was amazing, I got everything I wanted. I did a very detailed birth plan, I hired a doula and stayed firm in what I wanted and my midwife who delivered me was amazing. You've decided to birth in a hospital for a reason? I hope you can have the things you want and I really think it can be just as amazing as you want it to be

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    I'm baffled too, hospital is the best place and they are experts whether you think so or not. And working in Clinical Risk I understand why the experts have their concerns. However if you are under the care of an obstetrician it shouldn't be so complicated to birth at the hospital of your choice as he should be aware of your history and have a birth plan in place.

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    MrsLats (18-08-2011)

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    Sorry if I missed this part, but is there a reason you are not homebirthing again?

  11. #9
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    Just PMd you lovely.

  12. #10
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    Some things you could do to make it easier to have a good birth at a hospital are to wait until the very last minute to go to hospital. I laboured at home a long time with my first so when I got there I was almost in transition. With my second I got to hospital and delivered in 15 mins!! Not much time for intervention really lol. Have some good supports around eg your mum and hubby. Make the room homely, dimly lit, quiet etc. Good luck and sorry for your loss


 

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