Oh and sorry but to answer your question I stopped getting smacked at about 10 or 11 as my parents learnt there were other ways to punish me like taking stuff away from me, not letting me watch tv or go to the park or whatever as she knew this would hurt me more in the sense that I loved doing these things. I agree with the way my mum did it
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11-08-2011 13:52 #71
11-08-2011 13:53 #72
See I don't get how smacking 'teaches them a good lesson'. IMO It's not good and it's not a lesson.
My son is only 14 months but the thought of smacking him has honestly never crossed my mind and I sincerely hope that *I* never lose control enough to smack.
So OP I agree with a pp, if you never start you'll never have to know when to stop.
And yes I was smacked as a child and grew up in a household with domestic violence (not towards me apart from smacking). Even being smacked myself, I do not classify smacking as abuse BUT I do feel it's completely unnecessary.
11-08-2011 14:11 #73
As I said earlier, it worked for me! And my my husband I might add... he also got smacked on the bum a few times as a child and he is now a beautiful, gentle adult - again, with no anger or resentment issues.
We both have fantastic relationships with our parents.
11-08-2011 14:11 #74
But a thought that crossed my mind, is that perhaps niece #1 feels more secure and safe, so she feels as though she can let loose with her emotions, although in an inappropriate manner (it does take time to learn appropriate ways to manage anger/frustration after all, some adults still struggle), without fear of being hit.
While niece #2 perhaps holds back her emotions in a potentially harmful way (we all know bottling your emotions is bad), because she fears the repercussions of being hit.
As I said, just musing out loud
11-08-2011 14:13 #75
Next week I will be taking in my SIL, who is leaving home because her mum decided that a slap across the face was an appropriate way to express her displeasure at her child. I've just spoken to the police who have said that SIL has every right to go in and report her mother for abuse.
So, is it only abuse if the child is old enough to report it now?
11-08-2011 14:28 #76
I think the ones who do abuse their children have ruined it for the rest of us who believe the occasional smack on the bum is acceptable. A smack on the bum should not be out of anger and it shouldn't inflict pain - it should just shock the child.
This is an endless debate which I am going to step out of now. Each to their own.
11-08-2011 14:39 #77Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
Lots of people use a slap on the face under the guise of 'shocking' someone or 'snapping them out of it'.
I do agree, the two are different. A smack on the bottom, if not done to hurt them to cause them to change behaviour, it's done to humiliate them If not intentionally, that's what is often the result.
I see a lot of parents say they give their kids a "quick 'tap' on the back of the legs". My ex partner used to slap me on the back of the legs and it really stings. It's a horrible sensation actually.
I don't agree re shock, if people to shock a child they could do it without touching them.
11-08-2011 14:45 #78
People obviously have very different views on what is acceptable and what is not, and that is half the problem. It's not just about age either, some people think a light tap,some think an open handed smack and some think a wooden spoon. The problem is that one quite often leads to the next, many cases of child abuse began as 'little slaps' and escalated into child abuse, do abusers realise they are abusive or do they feel justified? I 've worked with children who have suffered horrific injuries from parents who 'loved them' and were just 'disciplining them', that's not to say all parents who smack their children will get to that point but I think very few of those abusive parents thought they would do that to their children either.
11-08-2011 15:18 #79Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Going off-topic, but has anyone read Alfie Kohn's 'Unconditional Parenting". Incredibly well researched book detailing the harmful effects of physical punishments as well as more seemingly harmless punishments such as time-outs, etc and what to do instead. Highly recommend
11-08-2011 15:26 #80
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