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  1. #1
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    Unhappy What would you do?

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    Last edited by ~ElectricPink~; 14-02-2012 at 17:04.

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    I think , yes her treatment of her child IS abusive and not acceptable.She obviously is very stressed and does not know any other way to parent....

    I think she needs to be sat down and in a VERY gentle way with a positive statement first, followed by how you are worried about her and her dd, followed up by another postive staement needs to be made aware of her actions and how it impacts on you.

    She might welcome the help , she may get angry but either way if that little toddler was you , would you want an adult to intervene or ignore it.She isn't enjoying being abused.

    I think you should talk to her asap....

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    Wow... What a difficult situation to be in!.....

    Perhaps your friend is extremely stressed out... and doesn't know how to deal with her little one. How close are you to her? Is there a way you could instigate a gentle conversation... Maybe you could just say something like... "you seem so stressed lately, is there anything you want to talk about, I have been a bit worried about you"...

    I wouldnt directly say anything like that she is bordering abusive, but instead you could offer support like... "I know how hard it can be with young kids and little support..."

    It sounds like she is having a rough time, and doesnt really understand to parent out of love.

    I hope she gets the help she needs.

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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    What an awful situation to find yourself in!

    She sounds to me like someone who is not coping, who is sitting constantly on the edge and is easily tipped over by things that others would find insignificant.

    I think the way I would approach it is from a point of friendship and support. Rather than launching into the ill-effects on her daughter (which will only make her defensive) I'd focus on bringing to light those things that are out of character for her and try to help her figure out a) why she's behaving that way; and b) how to address it. If she's in pain or not coping I'd assume she would respond best to a sympathetic friend who comes from a position of support rather than accusation.

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    Wow! No wonder her kid is full on if that's the way she's treated

    I think what everyone else has said is spot on. It definitely sounds like she is not coping well and it might possibly be how she was raised so she knows no better? Definitely a cycle that needs to be broken though....

    You're a good friend to want to try and help rather than wash your hands of her though

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    Quote Originally Posted by emzluvbub View Post
    Wow! No wonder her kid is full on if that's the way she's treated

    I think what everyone else has said is spot on. It definitely sounds like she is not coping well and it might possibly be how she was raised so she knows no better? Definitely a cycle that needs to be broken though....

    You're a good friend to want to try and help rather than wash your hands of her though
    ^ this says it well but I also think you need to work out what you will do if nothing changed it is NOT ok to let a little girl continue to be treated that way is there any way you could give dd/ mum a break and take dd for a night/ weekend? Maybe that's all it will take for her to think it out and implement some changes.. If not is there family that could maybe step in like that just so she has a chance to think without dd around? As hard as it may be maybe docs needs to be brought in to offer some support and help her grow as a parent?

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    I was also wondering if a she needs a break, are you able to have her daughter for a night & day? Sounds like she isn't coping too well - perhaps gently mentioning that you noticed she seems a bit stressed lately and would she like a night off?

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    Hi electric pink!

    I have a similar situation where a very good friend has very different parenting to me. Like your friend she swears at her children, and u mean things like 'you little c**t' to a 2 year old and 4 month old and does other things I find offensive and unacceptable. I bit my tongue for as long as i could and had to
    Remind myself that someone needs to advocate for the children. I sat her down over a coffee and as respectfully as possible told her the affects of that language and discipline was life long emotional issues. She didn't take it well and we didn't talk for a month or so but when we did talk again she asked how she could change and confessed how overwhelmed she was. I suggested alternatives, she listened and hadn't been the same in front if me. I do hear from other friends she still does it with them, but at least the kids are safe when I'm there. As at least she knows there are alternatives. I got to the point after months of witnessing this of deciding I was happy to loose the friendship, and it's over 15 years of friendship, if it meant she would be made aware of how unacceptable the behavior was. Hope that helps? Such a hard position to be in!

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    I agree with above. I think loosing the friendship is worth confronting her (in a nice way of course) because her DD is the innocent one suffering.

    I really feel for you, because I could Personally never be friends with someone like that!

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    Goodluck. I agree with a gentle discussion.


 

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