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  1. #41
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    what a mess. I was almost semi-understanding of him if he hasn't had much to do with your children alone but it really does seem as though he's acting irresponsibly to manipulate you into not going out and leaving him with the big responsibility of being alone with his own damn kids! I'm so mad for you - it's not your hormones, I'm not pregnant and I worry about kids being left home alone ESPECIALLY at age 2 yo. That could have been a disaster!!!

    A messy house is not endangering anybody's life. Leaving the house with a child not in a proper restraint and leaving the 2 year old at home could possibly be life-threatening! He's clutching at straws.

    I disagree with some of the responses that this is a 'man' thing - this is an utterly STUPID thing of him to do and my DP would never DREAM of leaving a young child at home by themself. He really needs to grow up and learn how to be a proper parent, don't let him manipulate you like this. Everybody deserves enjoyment alone from time to time and if he can't act responsibly you may as well tell him to move out as he really sounds like just one more child to look after!

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  3. #42
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    His response is unbelievable. I'd love to get the police to have a chat to him...

  4. #43
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    Not that I think it will really make a difference but perhaps get him to take a read of something like this http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/...%20Leaflet.pdf

    My DF was gobsmacked when I read him your post. It's definitely not a man thing as someone suggested.

    And the PP whose partner left their 9 month old crawling around the house alone, omfg, how on earth did you work past that?

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Laurenk View Post
    Well we had a big talk last night. He thinks everything is tit for tat and started questioning me about how often I clean the house!!!! I thought I was going to have a brain explosion. I couldn't believe his way of arguing and thinking if the house is occasional messy that excuses his dangerous and neglectful behavior.

    He absolutely begrudged me having coffee with my sisters for two hours even though he is off skiing for 4 days at the end of this week.

    I need to get to the bottom of his thought process so we know what our next steps are. I told him I was questioning our entire future and that I cant trust him to be alone with our children. He said "well is that going to happen?" almost like he is thinking "great, less responsibility as she'll never go out without the kids.

    I'm thinking of going to a counselor. He needs serious help and I'm questioning if things don't change what our future really will look like. U can't stay with someone who basically lives like a bachelor and has no concept of responsibility. Things are easier when it's just me and the kids, but kids need their dad.

    He also thinks I'm emotional anx hormonal as I'm pregnant, which really ****es me off.

    Sorry for huge posts and vents but thank u all so much for all ur words of advise and hugs.
    If this is his attitude, I would be telling him not to bother coming home from his skiing trip, this attitude about his children and their safety is a massive dealbreaker!

  6. #45
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    Just want to add that I agree it's not 'a man thing'. My DH would NEVER do that, and would be horrified by anyone who would. I think it is a bit of an insult to all the responsible Dads out there, and a cop-out to the OP's DP that it can be excused as a silly male mistake.

    As for his reaction when confronted - it is truly unbelievable. I would seriously question the benefit of staying with a partner who was that irresponsible, self-absorbed, manipulative and unsupportive. As you have another baby on the way, you should absolutely go to counseling. Dragging him by the hair if necessary. to you. Sorry you are in such a sh*t situation.

  7. #46
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    If my DH did that I'd kick him out. A few days apart for him to think about what he could have lost but for the grace of God. After that, assuming he was properly penitent I'd insist on parenting classes, get a cleaner and never EVER leave him alone with the kids, even for 5 minutes.

    Something like that has the possibility to destroy the marriage, but that would depend on the circumstances and whether trust could be rebuilt.

    Edit - ok, with an attitude like that on discussion it would be over for me. Out the door, no access, no nothing. If he doesn't care enough to ensure basic safety for his kids, then I don't want him in my life.

    I am so angry and hurt for you right now!! Big hugs
    Last edited by narribri; 08-08-2011 at 10:53.

  8. #47
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    His attitude is appaling!!!!!

    How endagering both of his children life is even slightly comparable to a messy house is beyond belief!!!!

    God forbid you take a whole 2 hours to yourself and he be responsible for his own children!!

    I think counselling sounds great there seems to be a few issues with this scenario. He clearly cannot see the error or severity of his actions and he begrudges you for going for coffee but finds it totally acceptable to go on holiday for 4 days, these two would be ringing alarm bells for me!!

  9. #48
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    ^^^what they all said.

    His attitude is appalling! There is
    no comparing a clean house V's basic safety!! How ridiculous of him to even think they would be comparable.

    I also don't think it's "a man thing" as I asked DH the question last night and he said no way would he do that. He might play in the yard with the 4yo while the 2yo slept, but wouldn't leave the property and would never take either kid without a proper car seat.

    You could excuse it as a "brain f@rt" if he fell over himself to apologise and grovelled, but to turn it back on you? I think he needs some sense slapped into him!

    I agree with the PP who said he needs to man up. If I was in this situation, I think I would tell him if he can't be a responsible husband, parter and parent, to go home to his Mummy and behave like the little boy he is.

    I'm so sorry for you OP. It must be so disappointing for you.

  10. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sindrii View Post

    Anyway in a nutshell I wouldn't leave him over it, but he needs to know he can get in very big trouble for doing this.
    I agree. Hes a male and likely didnt think too much about it, but needs to understand he could be charged for doing it. Im not saying this is a normal male thing but often consequences arent thought thru. No excuse tho.


    Sent from my GT-S5660 using Bubhub

  11. #50
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    Oh my

    So dangerous.

    Last week my 2 year old had a serious accident which caused a deep laceration to her head and multiple cuts and heavy blood loss.It was terrifying.

    There was 3 adults home at the time.All it took was 2 minutes of us being distracted by our 4 year old and our newborn for DD2 to almost kill herself and she's now going to have scars on her face.And im constantly watching her because she's a very busy toddler.And it still happened.

    He needs a reality check.


 
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