You can tell the hospital that you don't want visitors until you say so, they can turn people away (as mean as it sounds...). I also suggest telling them that you will let them know when it's ok to visit. Even if they do the whole pouty, sad thing, it's your choice and only yours. They need to remember that you've just given birth, and need to spend that time with your baby and DS1 and husband, it's important bonding time for you as a family and you should be able to choose who see's you and who doesn't. Where is your DS1 going to be when you go into birth? Obviously whoever is caring for him will know, so you will need to make sure they can keep your special secret.
When we had DS1, no one knew until we called about an hour after he was born. Then they didn't come until 3 hours after that (getting them to leave was another story!). Then when we had DS2, only my brother and his wife knew i was in labour as they were caring for DS1. DS2 was born at 9.41pm so we didn't call anyone until the following morning (by 7.30am i couldn't wait anymore lol), and everyone respected our wishes and waited until visiting hours began at 2pm.
Stick to your guns, and enjoy your baby xo
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14-07-2011 21:22 #11
14-07-2011 21:43 #12
Hi OP, I had this same dilemma with DD. To this day my mother still has a go because "she didn't even know I was in labor"
As far as I'm concerned. The experience is between the two people who made the baby. Me and DP called one person and she was my support/drink fetcher/gas tube holder/ice chip feeder/coach. She left as soon as bub was out (she has 3 children herself).
I will be doing the same thing this time, to avoid texts and phone calls. I don't need to worry about drop ins as me and DP moved to Perth. Haha!
You make the calls. It's yours and DH's day. No one elses. The mid-wives have a duty to you to not let anyone in until you are ok.
14-07-2011 21:53 #13
I had night births with my sons (1:23am and 8:15pm). DH and i wanted bonding time with our baby both times. I told my family before hand what the visiting hours were and that they were strictly enforced. I asked the midwives on duty to support me and they did.
I empathize with you completely. MIL called in the morning to check visiting hours and they told here they would be adhered to. She showed up early anyway and they made her wait (with FIL) in a lounge. DS1 was prem so they couldn't touch him anyway, ust look at him through a window in his incubator. We could only take one person in at a time and hubby or I had to leave (Maximum of two adults). They tried to sneak into the SCN a few times which resulted in huge problems with nursing staff. When DH's twin pretended to be him to get in they nearly banned all of us (DH and I included) from the nursery without an escort. Mil & FIL used to show up at 10pm, just as hubby and I were leaving for the evening, and try and go into the nursery once we left so they could be the last ones at night to hold him.
With DS2 they were more respectful but still showed up before visiting hours the first day to get the first cuddle before my parents. But they only came once. My Mum, in complete contrast, came every day during visiting hours and brought my eldest son with her. Ugh, families.
Hope you get the time you need following this birth.
20-07-2011 21:51 #14
my mum dad and sister arrived literally 5 mins after bub was born. My mum had planned on being there for the birth but cos i had her during the day she had to work. I actually loved them being there to experience it all as we are a very close family and she was the first grandchild. They stayed about an hour and they weren't pushy at all like didn't crowd in on us etc. I can totally understand how thats not everyones cup of tea though and if i were you i wouldn't even let them know your in labour and hope baby comes in the early hours of the morning! They really need to respect your wishes in this case.
21-07-2011 10:10 #15
Yes - I was very worried about having time to myself and not having my MIL hovering. The hospital is 5 minutes away from MIL so I knew she would be there in an instant!
Unfortunately I had a planned cs so everyone knew when the baby was being born. I also knew that I would be very sore and sick.
I just made it VERY clear to DH, who then talked to his father, who then gently told his wife that she was not welcome at the hospital immediately! DS was born at 9:30am, we rang ILs and my parents to tell them the news at 11am and told them they could come at 2pm when visiting hours started. When they had been there about 20 minutes I had a blood pressure drop and the nurse kicked them all out! My sisters all came together on Day 2. On Day 3 I wasn't doing too well (emotionally) so I had DH tell MIL to keep away. You just have to be tough!!
With DD she was born at 9:30am as well - after a 3 day labour so everyone once again knew I was in hospital. I once again asked my parents and ILs to come at 2pm - this time with DS.
I did have a giggle at my MIL though - visiting hours were 10am-1pm for immediate family (ie fathers and children) and 2pm-8pm for all other visitors. After DD was born, on MIL's first visit, she was saying goodbye and told me she would be back at 10am the following day. I was very very tired and was trying to explain that she was not allowed. A very very very nice nurse overheard and barked at my MIL that only immediate family were allowed. My MIL got all offended and spluttered, "I am the grandmother!" Just the look on her face when she was told she was not "immediate" enough made the whole terrible labour disappear for 5 minutes!
The best advice I can give you is make sure your DH knows what you want. I gave him very strict instructions that he was to clear the room if I needed to BF (I wasn't comfortable doing that in front of people yet) and that he was to kick out anyone who stayed for more than 30 minutes.
21-07-2011 10:48 #16
I experienced very similar with my first... So with my second I did my birth plan very early & included NO VISITORS BLURB & left it laying around the house for the last 5mths...
Nobody said anything but I know they'd all read it
But then my boy had other ideas & came 5wks early & went straight to SCN so all my plans went out the window. But I definately got a lot more respect second time around.
19-01-2012 16:20 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
Hi MummytoLuca, just wondering what you ended up doing at the birth about visitors and if you have had your baby yet?
I am trying to decide what to do about visitors myself.
My mother pretty much assumed from the start that she'd be in the room and I just went along with it as I'm not really one to argue with her. She is telling people that I dont mind them coming in straight away as long as I've covered up, but actually I do mind and would like to do skin to skin for a while and BF in private and have a shower before people start visiting.
Everyone has told me to tell them as soon as anything happens and I'm getting calls every day to see if anything is going on yet.
Now i've been told that my dad is going to wait in the waiting room the whole time, which I dont like as I'd feel pressured and I dont know what my siblings are planning but wouldnt be surprised if they turn up also.
I know and understand that they are excited but I'd still like to keep my private parts in some semblance of private!
I really would just like DP in the room till at least an hour afterwards, but I don't know how to tell everyone that as they would take it personally and I'd never hear the end of it.
How to tell them tho?
19-01-2012 16:42 #18
OP, I have heard horror stories similar to yours re visitors after the birth... and it has really freaked me out. So, DH and I have decided not to call anyone until after our baby has been born. We will tell them they can visit in the next appropriate visiting hours after I've had a chance to bond, breastfeed, shower etc. So if I give birth in the morning, they can come that night... if I give birth at night, they can come mid morning the following day... etc. Thankfully, our families are prey respectful of our desires.
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