Well im only 14 weeks but its already worrying me and id rather get my head around it all with a plan in place so that im just focused on a positive birth
Some background - My DS was born with my husband present and i told my family i was in labour because they insisted they wanted to know except i told them i didnt want them to come until I said and I did not want them there at the hospital while i was in labour - i discussed this before the birth too.
So half an hour after bub is born and I had just finished being stitched up (I had epesiotomy) the midwife comes in and says your family is here can they come in (I actually hadnt even told them I had the baby yet) so in my mum and two sisters come all excited because I had the baby, I hadnt even held the baby yet, hadnt gotten up to shower (which I did while they were there which was kind of embarrassing because I didnt know so much blood would pool and when I stood up went all over the floor), there all touching him and were there watching him get wiped down and dressed (with my mum being really bossy and controlling with the midwives which continued the whole time I was in the hospital - 7 days as bub had juandice and possible heart mumor - and actually caused a social worker to be called...) so i actually didnt get any time alone with my DS which 2 days later was even worse because he was sent to NICU and the only time I could hold him was when I fed him which was problematic because he was sleepy and wouldnt feed so feeding was really stressful - basically my hospital experience was really negative and I suffered awhile after with anxiety which continued a year after birth.
So this time around I dont want any visitors for atleast a few hours and the first visitor I have I just want my husband to bring our will be 3.5 year old DS to see bub and me without all the fuss being made over the baby and than if theres still time left that day (because I dont know when bub will be born!) I might have some visitors later. How do I go about telling family this? Should I just not tell them and when bub is born get DH to act as control person to who visits? I tryed telling them that I want some time alone and that the first person to visit will be DS-3.5yrs alone but than there all like oh but I can come visit right, you cant stop me visiting (not in a mean way just in a oh you wont stop me in a sad type way)
Any other people who have gone through this or soon will go through this and have found a solution? I just want to bond with my baby - it will be my last and I just want some time to marvel over how beautiful and special he/she is before all the visitors start over whelming me.
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14-07-2011 09:50 #1
After the birth and how long you waited until visitors came
Last edited by mummy2Luca; 14-07-2011 at 09:54.
14-07-2011 10:23 #2
I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with your first bub. Surely if you let the hospital staff know you don't want visitors until however long after you give birth it is their job to ensure they are not allowed into your room until then. You could also try to get your husband to keep them out with some excuse to stall then at least for a while. Depending on who also looks after your DS when you go into labour you might get lucky and your family not know your at hospital for a while.
I am lucky as I don't have an intrusive family and when I was in labour they couldn't get hold of me on the phone (not knowing I was at the hospital and were calling about something different) so they did call the hospital to see if I was there but didn't come down until we had let them know.
14-07-2011 10:37 #3-
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Last edited by Guest1234; 15-01-2012 at 12:30.
14-07-2011 14:48 #4
That sounds horrible op!
Perhaps don't tell them you have had the baby till u have had a few hours to recover. I have told everyone no visitors on the first day. Unfortunately I have to have a cs so there is no way I want people around while I can't move, catheter attached and bleeding everywhere and having no modesty when it comes to cleaning things up.
It is your baby. And I really think that the few few hours are really important for u and ur Df and Ds to bond with the baby. And especially for u to have time to recover.
If u believe they won't respect ur wishes to stay away just don't tell them ur in labour. You can always say you were swept up in the occasion!
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14-07-2011 15:47 #5Senior Member
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- Apr 2011
I cant believe how is sensitive some people are. My DD was the first Grandchild in town for both sides I had told them that we would only let them know when we were in labour if the DIDNT come to the hospital. As my labour was lond they ALL thought they would come up after work. The nurses were coming into the birthing suite saying, you need your family to go, they are too noisy (10 of them) I was furious. Bub number two was born during working hours and the only person who knew we were there was my mum who had DD. It was sooo much nicer to have a few hours as our own little family before everyone landed at the hospital. Next bub is due is December and I think the novelty has worn off a bit so hopefully wont have too much trouble.
I say use their behaviour at your first borns as an example. That way they cant question you!
14-07-2011 16:38 #6
OP that sounds sad to me - that you and you're partner didn't have any time with bub before others visited. With my first bub I was induced. I told my family and friends I was being induced - the day and the time. Big mistake. With my second I decided very early that whether I was to be induced, or went into labour myself (which I did - ten days late!); I would not tell anyone. I'm very glad of this decision, no one knew I'd had my bub until I was ready to tell them. Which meant my DP and DS1 spent some lovely and important (I think) time together. If you're able to keep things quiet about when you are having your bub, I'd do so. Good luck! Families are great - most of the time!
14-07-2011 16:57 #7
That sounds so sad
My family would have been there the second I gave birth but we didn't tell anyone until the next morning. DS was born at 8:30pm but we didn't get too the ward til after midnight. It was nice to recover a little before everyone started coming in. I reckon just don't tell anyone you're in labour, just call when you're ready for visitors.
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14-07-2011 17:06 #8
I had ds at 5.37pm. My mum and dad came and visited at around 8 or 9 I think? We called them, they didn't even know I was in labour. They came back the next morning as well, otherwise the other visitors came at 4pm the next day as per visiting hours
14-07-2011 17:13 #9Senior Member
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- Jan 2009
I think you need to be very firm with them and explain that it's a very private time for you, and that your partner will call or text them when the baby is born and then when you are ready to receive visitors, and that it's not negotiable.
We don't have any family locally, so I was able to institute a no visitors policy at the hospital, which was a relief as I was so tired and dishevelled and just busy really as it was my first child and he wouldn't breastfeed so midwives kept grabbing at me. I couldn't entertain visitors in those circumstances.
In saying that, people don't seem to listen! I was induced, and my partner said to his mother "do not call the hospital - they are too busy to receive calls. We will call you when he is born. If we haven't called you it means he hasn't been born yet." He said that to her at about midday, and my son was born 17 hours later. But about an hour before he was born, she called and was put through to the birth suite while I was pushing! My partner very quickly told her not yet! Then she called back about 20 minutes after he was born while we were still in the birth suite. She thought something bad had happened because she hadn't heard and she was frantically worried. Anyway, so you might have to get your partner to act as a bouncer to keep them out!
14-07-2011 21:12 #10
I think that has PP have said, you probably have to be firm with them. Though, I know exactly what you mean!
We're having our first in October, and my mother really wants to be in there when I give birth - to which I've told her on a number of occasions that it's not going to happen, as I feel that's an experience I want for just me and my husband.
I've told them they can come in and see her after she's born, but I've told her that they may be a couple of hours after as the doctors have told me it's important that bub and I have some bonding time after birth (ie skin to skin contact).
But I know that my parents are planning on coming down to the hospital to wait until she's born. I've told them that it's probably better for them to wait at where they'll be staying (as they are from out of town) and coming on in once DH calls them, but I don't if they will listen. My current method is to keep telling them every time they mention coming down for the birth is that they won't be able to see her straight away, and it may be a couple of hours after she's born. I know they probably won't be happy, but at the end of the day I think it's more important that her and I bond as opposed to her and my mother.
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