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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Thanks very much for all the wonderful advice. Have taken it all onboard.

    One thing I've learnt in my short time being a parent is how important your 'gut instincts' are and in following them, very rarely are you wrong. I have been thinking all week as to what i should do and I think you are all right, I think i should pull her out and wait a few months at least before putting her in another care situation.
    I just don't know if I should consider an actual day care centre or stick with family day care?
    The carer I send her to is really lovely.. Though in not naive and know how easily this can be an "act"- I've heard lots of stories from friends that have worked in daycare too which worries me. I would like to think i could trust her- but trusting my daughter and my instincts is more important.
    I think I'll talk to the carer about the situation before i do anything drastic.. Be interesting to hear what she has to say.
    Thanks again everyone

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I share my 2 very different experiences with youS: He never ever settled into daycare! - He simply hated being seperated from me. I did what you have done and put him in when I was pregnant with DD and he would cry but settled down. Once DD was born he pretty much refused to go, I think that the stress of all the changes at home contributed to this alot. He also complained about being forced to have a sleep despite the fact I told the centre he did not have a day sleep anymore as he was 3 1/2 he told me he was forced to lie on a mattress in the dark and be quiet whilst the others slept. I pulled him out as I felt it was cruel to pursue it any further and as I did not need him to be there for anyother purpose bar me having a day with DD I choose not to try again and instead just left things at 3 yr old kinder which he went to twice a week happily.

    DD: I put her into 1 day a week of family daycare when she was 2 1/2 the carer came highly recommended by my friend who has her DD with the same carer. The experience has been nothing short of amazing and has seen my DD build a deep and trusting relationship with her carer and I drop her off every week feeling totally relaxed and at ease, my DD is in fact that CLINGY type of child so I had concerns that it would not work out but she wakes up in the morning asking if she is going to Fiona's today!! We have been out in public and she has seen her carer from afar and has run to her throwing herself at her hugging her and being so excited to see her. This time around day care has been a very positive experience.

    I personally believe that some children settle into daycare and some children simply never will. As a last ditch attempt you could ask the carer not to put her down for a nap - insist on it!! It may make a difference and help your daughter settle in although it sounds like the damage has now been done and daycare with this carer is simply a negative experience for your daughter

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    I agree. If your instincts tell you it is not right, it's probably not right.

    I have worked in early childhood and the quality ranges greatly. I think the most important factor is the key teacher/carer your child will spend most of their time with.

    Look for someone who is qualified, kind and friendly and who talks to you about your child and gives intelligible feedback and answers to your questions.

    There are some really good carers and educators out there, but it is up to you to find them.

    I know it is hard but I wish you all the best. You and your child will be much happier once you've settled into a good and rewarding routine.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    She might just be too little. I would just keep up with the social situations like playgroups where you are there with her. I don't think it is uncommon at all to hate rest time. None of mine have gone to daycare but the one thing they always talked about when they were at kindy or prep was not wanting to go because they are made to lie down at rest time. My mum still tells me I was the same at age 4.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    I was a director and child care worker for 11 yrs and in my experience some children will never be suited to a childcare environment. In saying that a family day care is a very different situation. Have you thought of taking her out of family daycare and trying her in a day care for 2 weeks, the other children may provide a distraction for her whilst she deals with her seperation anxiety.

    All children will go through some form of seperation anxiety, it is displayded in a variety of ways eg. crying , shouting, becoming withdrawn, looking out that daycare window longing for the parent. It is somthing that all children go through as the come to grasp the fact that yes mummy has gone but she will be back for me.

    One thing I would recomended trying is this techniques that I use to tell our parents.

    Take your child into the centre/family daycare environment. Get them engaged in an activity.

    Once this is done tell them that you will be back at a set time so after rest/ afternoon tea etc.

    Give them 1 cuddle, 1 kiss and say goodbye

    Then leave, don't hang about.

    When you arrive back at the centre in the afternoon greet the child and say see mummy came back.

    Children need to know what will happen and they need to know that yes you will be back. Also always go with your gut instinct if your child is still so unsettled after all this time maybe there is something amiss and I would be looking into other care options for her . Lots of hugs to you and your dd.


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