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  1. #1
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    Talking Secondary Infertility? Vent Here

    It occurs to me that many women who suffer secondary infertility can't actually share their feelings - they can't say it here at the risk of offending people TTC#1 and their family and friends can't understand.

    So I (just) created a place in my blog where women can go and blow the lid off the vent without fear of offence or discovery.

    Buuuut...

    Since I can't attach attachments just yet (yeah...I'm new) I thought that I would also create a little place here - a little safe haven for you to vent some steam.

    Go for it ladies... it's good for the soul
    Last edited by GettingPregnantAfter; 05-06-2011 at 17:53. Reason: typo (yeah...I'm a perfectionist)

  2. #2
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    Default It's only fair that I go 1st!!

    My experience was actually a few years ago and I have since had two sons. But I feel for you girls.

    I hated the circle of fertile's that would stand around outside my sons classroom waiting to pick their kids up.
    I hated that woman in the shops screaming at her 3yo
    I daydreamed about pulling over, jumping out of the car and just grabbing that baby in the pram...it's not like her mother is even looking.
    I hated the holiday season and meeting a new nephew every season.
    I lost great friendships.
    I hated (still do) the alcoholic, dope smoking, rednecked bogans who fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and three years on I'm STILL not pregnant
    I spent the first three days crying every month - I was so sure this was going to be the month.
    I hated my family and friends for not understanding.
    If you tell me one more time that "At least I have [DS]" then I am going to jump down your throat and pull your own reproductive organs out through your nose.

    (Sorry...was that too much? )

    I hated that I loved this precious and perfect child soooo much...and yet I still wasn't satisfied, I still wanted more.
    I hated that I was failing him, that I couldn't give him the little bro or sis he desereved.

    I hated you. Yup, you heard me. But don't take it personally because I hated EVERYone and everything.

    The stupid dog always hanging around. The stupid neighbor and their stupid stereo. The stupid line at the check out.

    EVERYTHING

    And you know what? Four years and two children later? I still don't talk to the mum's at school. I still can't handle going to play group. I still hate the holiday season.

    Alright ladies, let me have it...what do you hate about TTC again?
    Last edited by GettingPregnantAfter; 05-06-2011 at 18:25. Reason: More typo's...hehehe

  3. #3
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    I can relate to the hatred of fertile bogans

    I HATE being asked "are you pregnant?" by people who have no idea about my situation and ask if I do the slightest thing differently like eat a strange new food, appear in a photo with my hand over my stomach (holding a scarf in place), have ANY symptoms such as nausea......GO TO HELL YOU NOSY &*$#ers! Don't you know you never ask a woman that question, ever? She might be in my situation, or she might be pregnant and you just put her in the position where she either lies to you or tells you before she feels comfortable about sharing her news, which recently happened to a friend of mine who was bullied into revealing that she was before the 12 week mark because people noticed she wasn't drinking and just had to open their yak-holes rather than stay quiet, only to lose it and have to tell everyone that. I also hate being asked when I will have kids for similar reasons. It's rude, and maybe you shouldn't assume that every woman is automatically going to want kids. Go to hell. I've wanted to go off at people for their rudeness but have managed to hold myself back, but now I am thinking of saying "Nope, and I might never because I have infertility issues. I hope you feel bad for asking and reminding me of this issue"

    This forum has been the biggest help, because people understand. I hate friends who say "just do IVF, it worked for my aunt". Yes it did, but A) There is no guarantee that it will work for me, and B) Your aunt is loaded so money is not an issue for her like it is for me.

    This journey would be so much easier if people weren't jerks!

  4. #4
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    *Sigh* Doesn't that feel better?

    You are too right...nobody can truly understand until they have walked a mile. And even that mile is going to be totally different for everybody. We all have different "situations" and different ways of dealing with them.

    Which is why it's nice to kick and scream and shout sometimes. Thanks for sharing

  5. #5
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    I am so over spending two weeks being super conscious of every niggle and twinge my body makes and trying to judge if it's a sign of pregnancy and not drinking and eating certain foods 'just in case' only to be devestated when af shows up without fail every damn month. And I swear if one person says just relax and it will happen I may just slap then . I hate that people keep saying ' when are you having another one ' because it means I have to make up dome story about not being ready just yet because I don't Wont to tell them the truth because I'm likely to cry . I hate that whilst DD is perfect and makes my heart ache with love I get sadder as she gets bigger as in the back of my kind I think ' what if I don't get this again and now the baby stages are over'. So many of the people I work with have gotten pregnant over the last year and it makes me want to stand on a table and yell ' IT'S MY BLOODY TURN!'

  6. #6
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    Jez I am on day 2 of AF and I just ate a tonne of double brie cheese . If I can't be pregnant right now, I am going to make the most of it dammit!

  7. #7
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    One of the ladies posted this on another thread (hope the link works)

    http://mypathtoinsanityandbeyond.blo...rtile-101.html

  8. #8
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    I agree with everything all of you ladies have said! I have a DS who just turned 3. My second DS was still born July last year. The thing that p****d me off the most was when I lost my son & people said stupid things like "atleast you have DS1" yes I do & I thank god for him every day but that doesn't take away from the fact that I lost a child.
    We have been TTC since we lost DS2 with no luck. My AMH is very low. We have tried IUI twice & IVF which was cancelled just before egg pick up.
    It really ticks me off when people say - just relax & it will happen, just stop trying & stop thinking about it & it will happen. Well no it won't, my amh is very low & my husband works away! (also, we may need an egg donor)
    You're lucky you have DS1, there are people worse off than you. Yes I'm lucky I have DS1 & he is the light of my life but it breaks my heart every day when he asks why my baby died & have I got another baby in my belly yet because he really wants a baby!
    People can be so insensitive & so stupid, I know I am lucky to have DS1 & I also know that having another baby will not ever replace Jay but that doesn't stop us from desperately wanting to give our son a brother or sister. We were suppose to have 3 children, that was the plan right from the start!

  9. #9
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    Default Nice One Girls

    Right, first I cried...now I'm just angry. Kodileesmum - that is so F'in unfair and I too am screaming it at the rooftops on your behalf. Those people..they will never understand unless you make them.

    What really irks me (in want of a better word)...you would never tell a grieving widow that there are plenty more fish in the sea...you would never tell the grieving mother of a 20yo not to worry, she has other children...and yet a baby's life is somehow less worthy, somehow less significant?? Grr [Insert lots of swear words here]

    I wish you comfort, sister. I wish you comfort and a life time of love with the family you have and the family yet to come

    And Jez...we are definitely our own worst enemies. I wish I could remember where I read it...I came across a report about IVF women. It said that stress played no part in the success of treatment - specifically whether or not an implanted embryo would take - and it urged Dr's to share that news with IVF patients.

    On the other hand are those cases of couples finally resorting of adoption/foster care after years of infertility grief. Once the papers were signed or sometimes a few years later they fell pregnant of their own accord; they had what they wanted and it just happened.

    I feel that each of us have a limit to the amount of pressure that we can handle and it's important that we each recognize when we are beyond that limit. If our fertility was dependent on "just relaxing" then there would be no need to give rape victims the morning after pill. On the other hand pulling your hair out once a month just ain't gunna cut it...

    On a different note...since we're unveiling our darkest thoughts...
    Can I confess something? Too bad...I'm gunna anyway! I actually used to imagine what would happen if I waltzed into the maternity ward and just took one. Just thought I would share that!! lol. I should clarify that I would never resort to that...but it did cross my mind.

    Point is, this thread is where you can confess the deepest recesses of your heart without fear or judgement. So who's next? Anyone else need to vent some steam?

  10. #10
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    Default Ughhh

    Boy did i need to find this today so thank you!!
    I am 44 and my partner is 34, i have 5 children 23yr boy that i had on my own, then 4 more 15r Boy, 13yr girl, 11yr girl and 8yr girl to my ex husband... anyway have just had an app at QFG as i have miscarried 3 times in 7mnths...I know i am very blessed to have my beautiful kids but my partner doesn't have any and we would both really like to have one together..... So i'm told you're too old, 0.01% chance unless i take a holiday (which should be easy as money is clearly no option with 4 kids at home!!!)... i can choose Greece, Argentina or South Africa for no less than 2 weeks and have IVF with a donor egg and have a 40% chance....so i get on the table and Quote you've got a great looking vagina for someone with 5 kids (no really that was a quote), oh your have great mucus, oh your uterine lining is 10mm again great and look you're about to ovulate and the follicle is 30mm again great....you're partners sperm is not all that great but he's young so not the problem, and i'm going OS so will be away a month but here jab this injection (and a few more in the next couple of weeks), heres some DHEA and another 8 or so pills to take each day, some pessaries (yeah love that one) have sex am/pm for a few days you never know.... but i dont hold much hope he says you're old even if you only look 30!!! well thank you very much....Please come back when that doesn't work and we can do a few cycles of IUI after we flush your tubes and your uterus (make sure you have a couple of scotches and naprogesics before that).....but really you prob need to go on that holiday....... I know i'm whinging but my last 3 babes were home births and i dont go to doc unless i really have to so this is all a bit scary and daunting and i feel very fragile.... am so sick of people expecting that i would just get over it because i have kids (and i would if my partner had had one).... so frustrating when you finally find the right person to be with....and when everyone assumes you'll be fine to go through any process why would you worry!!!! UGGH!!! i am grateful for my children and the ease with which i've had them but its all relevant and this still feels like ****.... thanks for the Vent..Kel


 

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