I don't have the best relationship with my MIL and I am the mother of two gorgeous boys, so I hope to be a great MIL one day.
I want to know why u think your MIL is great and what she does to make u luv her?
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30-05-2011 08:42 #1
What makes a great MIL?
30-05-2011 08:48 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2008
- Brisbane, QLD
Oh I'm in the same boat as you, I'm really really hoping my dil's are going to like me.. I really hope to involve them and make them part of the family... but I guess I still have quite a few years before I worry about that and build a beautiful relationship with my boys first...
30-05-2011 08:55 #3
I think the main point would be treat your child's partner as a friend!! So many see their DIL/SIL's as the enemy or as an additional child. As a friend, they offer advice & support but most importantly, LISTEN to their in law and respect their decisions.
30-05-2011 08:58 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
respect!? thats the biggest thing to me, I love my MIL, but she has to respect the way we raise our child.
and she does this is her only grandchild in the state and one of only two so she spoils him rotten, she babysits every friday, always brings over a little something to help out like a new beanie or nappies etc.
I like getting her input and ways she raised her kids but in the end it is our decision on how we raise DS.
30-05-2011 09:01 #5
I feel the same as u op.
I think it's important to take a step back when your ds has found a lady he loves. Be there for him always of course but don't latch onto knowing what's best for your son. It drives me mad. We live no where near dh's mum but yet she always thinks she knows what's best for him ("you don't feed him enough, he likes this, he wouldn't like that" etc) yet I know what he wants cause he tells me lol. Treat her like you want her parents to treat your son
30-05-2011 09:01 #6
Coming from someone who was a teenage daughter with a long term boyfriend, and have a MIL myself, I think space is the key.
Don't intrude and don't be overbearing. My DD and her BF live together, and I never just turn up at their place or invite myself over. I always ask first because they do have a life of their own. IMO some MIL's never get over their kids having a life that doesn't centre around them
My MIL still parents her grown children She just can't seem to let go. It drives me insane so I have minimal interaction with her because I just can't stand it.. I realise though that we have different personalities and she is the 'needs to be needed' type and I am not. I encourage independence and self sufficiency in my kids
I think the best thing a MIL can do is not be a SmotherInLaw!
Last edited by Cicho; 30-05-2011 at 09:04. Reason: adding bits
30-05-2011 09:39 #7
Respect for our parenting decisions, respect for our space and a love for our kids.
My MIL is super - she doesn't butt in, she supports our choices, she absolutely loves to babysit and can't get enough of it. When I was breastfeeding DS, she set up a lovely area in her house for me to be comfy - a lovely comfy chair, a heater and a tv. I just thought it was soooo lovely, cos she knew I didn't like to feed in front of everyone.
She's there when we need her, but she doesn't feel the need to be pushy and inflict her opinions on us or her presence.
It's a bit of a perfect fit for me, I have no complaints about my MIL
30-05-2011 10:07 #8
I'm one of those lucky ones with a great mother in law - the reason she's great? She's always been more like my best friend than the stereotyped mil. She's double my age but we have a lot in common & similar personality traits, same taste in clothes, etc. I'd like to be the same with my future dil one day, just be her friend, not act superior, make her feel like one of the family!
30-05-2011 11:08 #9
so ive had both ahorrid x mil and now a great mil.
x mil was meddling, snobbish, and plain rude. she tried her best to overtake our wedding. tried to push in on DD1's birth. made everything about her. if she wasnt happy than nobody should be. just a drag to be around such a manipulative person.
my new mil is lovely, down to earth, willing to pitch in when asked, calls before coming over, doesnt intrude.
x mil would come tell you your house was messy, you didnt cook for her son enough blah blah.
new mil does a load of washing and sweeps the floors whilst watching the kids without need to comment. she invites us over for dinner to give us a night off cooking.
30-05-2011 11:08 #10
I think perhaps the best thing they can do is understand their position in your family, their son's life and their grandchildren's lives too.
Some think they have the right to interfere in the relationship for the sake of their son, or tell you how to take care of him/what not to do with him/etc. That is none of her business. She's had her years caring for him - her time is done with that. She can still love him and give him attention and affection and whatnot... but she is no longer the primary woman in his life. She needs to respect that.
Some think that they have the right to tell you how to raise your children, believing that they know better and are just a silly young thing who needs reprimanding to do things "the right way," (ie. her way). They need to realise that they've raised their own children - and while assistance is appreciated, they do not have the right to tell you how to raise your own children.
A GOOD MIL will offer support and advice when asked for/advice in a casual manner, etc... she will respect that you will no doubt do things differently but that it doesn't make you wrong or a bad mother/partner etc. She will be there when you need her, and will bugger off when you don't. She will not overstay her welcome or EXPECT that she deserves this, that and the other (other than respect).
She will also treat all grandchildren the same - even if she does prefer some over the other. How you feel and how you act don't have to be the same. She will treat any non-biological grandchildren fairly as well. They will be treated as any other child in her family would be.
That's my opinion anyway.
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