Im so glad that i have read this thread.
Around 6 months my son started waking alot over night when previously he had been an ok sleeper, except was always horrible to put to bed,and i didnt dare cuddle him to sleep or give him too much attention because otherwise i would give him 'bad sleep habits".
I could never do c/c but my partner and i would try to let him "cry it out" for 10 minutes but we would always break as it was so distressing to hear his screams and go in and see his hot wet face.
We were give the t Hall book which we used the routines for feeding ect and i felt like such a failure for not being able to implement the solutions to get him to sleep ALL NIGHT! So many people told me how c/c worked for them blah blah. I felt weak and was always blaming myself for his constant waking and difficulty to go to sleep.
My son is now 10 months old, and recently since being able to stand in cot has refused to go to sleep by himself. I have been cuddling him to sleep for his 2 day naps and breastfeeding him for his bedtime nap which he usually falls asleep in my arms.
A friend gave me a book by Pinky and when i finally realised that babies generally dont sleep all night and there is nothing wrong with you or your baby if it doesnt!
People dont want that solution though! They want 7am-7pm sleeping which is possible if you do this and that and this but if it doesnt work,,,,,, its you, your not consistent.
Now im not chasing an impossible sleep scenario for my baby that drives me mad trying to get him to do what he naturally cant do yet. Because he sometimes wants his Mummy, he can have cuddles if he needs it, i will hold him to sleep because he loves it and he is a baby.
Im so sad i didnt find out untill a couple of months ago that its ok do do what " you shouldnt do". A
nd helping him to go to sleep in a peaceful, loving way that involves not allowing him to cry is actually really beautiful and ok!
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01-05-2011 19:36 #51Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
02-05-2011 20:28 #52-
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
Go with your gut. If a piece of advice that has been given to you, doesn't seem right, than do not act on it.
Mothers instincts are far more powerful and always right! That's what I have learned in the last few months....
06-05-2011 19:02 #53
Thank you, so very very much, for sharing your stories, everyone.
04-06-2011 10:39 #54
I tried cc for one hellish night with my DS at about 9mths. He cried hysterically immediately as soon as I walked out of the room as was not there as he tried to go to sleep, and when I rushed to him two minutes later he sounded like he was gagging choking and about to vomit he was so distressed. I held him as we both cried, he was too distressed to feed and when he eventually fell asleep he sobbed next to me all night long. The memory of his distressed little face haunts me still...
A friend gave me T.izz.ie's book and I was so heartbroken and sick to my stomach to read that she thinks it's ok for babies to cry for 6 or 7 hours and this would not harm them, and that babies vomit on purpose for attention.
My DS is now 15mths old and falls asleep in his cot holding my hand, which sometimes takes 30 mins. Sometimes this bothers me so much I cannot explain, however I cannot, WILL NOT, let him cry it out! I think it's better to get a little grumpy at the situation every now and then than to let him cry without me. He still needs me to reassure him at least twice a night, but he is such a delightful gorgeous happy child I don't want to risk changing that.
I have given up trying to explain how desperate I am for sleep yet how against cc I am to others as I am tired of the judgement, as though I am a "weak" mother and "spoiling" my child. Sometimes i search the net during the wee hours looking for a magic solution without the tears, but after reading your posts, I can now see the only solution is time... and love.
04-06-2011 11:17 #55
In sheer desperation and not coping with a child that woke every 45 minutes to feed, I went to sleep school ...
I have posted before about my experience so won't go into details again, but in a nutshell it was the worst week of our lives and it kills me that I did it ... I say sorry to ds everyday for it ... That week changed him, and it was months before he was his old self again ...
As a pp said, I'd now rather just get cranky every now and then instead of ever letting my ds cry again ...
He is my lil squishy, and if he needs me I'm there for him ...
* yes yes, it's an iPhone, please don't hold it against me ... *
15-06-2011 09:09 #56
Reading through the posts in the sleep section, I'm so so concerned over all the parents out there trying CC. There are five of us in mothers group and we are the only family who has not stuck with a CC routine. I really genuinely think that it's about time the government invested some money for studies into the effects of CC, as the Australian association for infant mental health even has a position statement advising against http://www.aaimhi.org/documents/posi...led_crying.pdf
I'm concerned that parents are teaching their children in babyhood that when they are crying and in need of their affection and attention, their parents are not available for them. I worry how this would translate in later childhood and during the teen years where children need their parents but possibly would not feel that their parents would share there concern or be emotionally available to them.
I wish for my son to know that whatever happens in his life, I will be there for him. I will never think that something that is troubling him is trivial.
As now I know that he is safe in his cot and no harm can come to him, he perceives this differently and I think that when he is crying, he is upset and in need of my attention.
I think that health professionals have alot to answer for by suggesting to so many families that this is the only thing that works, and perhaps the education needs to start there...
15-06-2011 09:36 #57
Thanks for the thread. Just subscribing, will be back later
11-08-2011 11:44 #58
subscribing again, this is a really important thread.
11-08-2011 12:17 #59
It's hard with the two babies but I try to hug and kiss and really listen to him as much as I can.
I still cry sometimes about what we both went through and no amount of reassurance from DH or mum or anyone will ever change how I feel about it.
I am working through the guilt and I thank him every day for showing me how to be the best Mum I can be to his brother and sister!
I know he's ok but I can't help analysing his behaviour and relating it back to feeling abandoned as a baby...
If only I had bubhub 7 years ago!
05-02-2012 19:25 #60Junior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
Relieved that we're not alone...
WOW - this is a fantastic idea. I've been given all of the well meaning advice and the dreaded books on how to put your child in a regimented routine which I understand works for some but doesn't seem good for us and I was/am struggling to find the alternatives. I have a 9 week old DS who will not settle using either CC or CIO. He screams more & more each time, turns red, chokes and screams for ages. It breaks my heart to hear it. Fortunately he sleeps really well from 9pm to about 7am with only 1 feed in that time (normally about 4am), it's the days that are tough. I felt so guilty not leaving him to self settle and cry in his cot (he's never slept in our room) especially when surrounded by others with babies who self settle perfectly.
Our DS likes to be rocked either in our arms or in is rocker and that is the only way he will go to sleep and get decent rest for more than half an hour throughout the day. If he falls asleep in my arms then I put him down to bed and he's fine for at least 1.5 hours. If I make him self settle he screams for up to an hour, sleeps for maybe the same amount of time and wakes miserable and red eyed - poor little guy.
My dilemma now is - do I continue with what works for us now or do I put him through the heartache of screaming himself to sleep just because the nurses and other parents suggest it? I don't think I can do that to him.
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