Digby, I am so so sorry to hear you are going thru this. Apart from the having another child bit, I feel you are walking in my shoes! Like you, DH tells me he will help, but he tries to palm DS off to me when I'm around, take the dog for long walks (which I know means it's another job I don't have to do but I'm the one stuck at home!), he NEVER gets up in the middle of the night, instead saying things in the morning like "he slept well didn't he" - umm, no he was up 4 times, I just kept it quiet for you and you stayed asleep....or he'll get up in the morning with DS and then come and get me cos he's hungry, and wont take a bl00dy bottle! For the first few weeks he got up to do a night feed, but at the same time I had to express so was up anyway, and even when I chose not to express (ouch!) he made so much noise or left DS crying while he went to the loo, warmed bottle, etc, that he was no help to me anyway as I couldn't sleep! As he's a shift worker I've spent the past week on my own as he's been working nights and days non stop. I certainly have had a taste of 'single mothering'. It also isn't helping our marriage, not that he's affected so much, but the way it makes me feel toward him that I do EVERYTHING for DS!
That married with sleepless nights, and the fact that we had a few other things going on, was what prompted me to seek out some help, and as a result went to TH. This was to help me with DS' sleep, but also to give me a break mentally and some support. I guess the moral of the story is, don't try and do it alone. Contact your CYH nurse and get in for a day service for sleep problems, and then tell them you want to go to TH and get them to do a referral. Keep ringing them and telling them you're at breaking point and they will push the referral a bit quicker. Also, if you're having feeding issues, you will go quicker, as they really want people to keep b/f (so you could use this to get there quicker). I am really pro this, as it helped me immensely. The social worker was 'ok' but I found it mch more helpful being able to talk to other mothers and having a m/w on hand 24/7 to help me when DS got the better of me, and ESPECIALLY during the night. Unfortunately PHL is only open from 7.15 am to 9.15 pm so during the night when you really need to talk to someone, no-one is there
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat, and I will send you my mobile number on here or FB.
Re TH, I know you will be worried about DD. but it's great because husbands/partners and children are allowed to join you for all meals if you want, they can visit anytime, and DH can even stay if you want him to (I suggest at least one night so he can learn to settle Z also). Please don't go it alone. I know what it's like to struggle, am still having some sh1tty nights now, and believe me it is almost impossible to function properly. I personally would nap when you can, but sometimes I find it more relaxing to seize the moment and have a nice long hot shower, as I find I generally dont sleep when DS sleeps, as I am too wound up (emotionally) to relax!
hugs to you xxxxx
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16-07-2011 12:51 #911Senior Member
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16-07-2011 18:21 #912
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Digby - Oh Hun, I wish I could give you a great big hug and then send you to bed. Hate to say it, but my DH was useless until Sam came along. I think in the weekends you need to give Z to DH and tell him she doesn't need feeding for blah blah hrs and walk away and leave him to it. Z will be fine even if she's crying for him, sounds like they need to learn their own settling system together. It's so hard I know. I was very lucky with S in the early months, but have just come out of a horrific 6 mths of sleep dep. DH was great and even got up on work nights (if he wasn't too tired) or dealt to S when he got home from night shift. DH drives fuel tankers and does shift work so believe me, he takes fatigue management seriously, meaning, he didn't want an exhausted Mummy driving the kids to school. He sometimes even took the day of work so I could rest/ sleep. It is so hard with other children to factor in too, you have to cook a proper meal, more washing to do, mess to clean up, activities to go to. I feel for you hun. How's E doing? P & J coped alot of flack when I was sleep deprived, not so proud of that.
Arrgghhhh, P & J just woke up S yawhooing....................
Hi everyone else......................
Last edited by kiwigemini; 16-07-2011 at 18:28.
16-07-2011 18:41 #913
All is quiet again.
Digby - I think Shy had some great suggestions, why not give TH a ring.
Shy - I'll be positive and say well done S on the good sleeps, hope more are coming. Clever boy sitting up too.
Lisa - Hope you are feeling better, another clever little boy, sitting and crawling. Ha ha the fun's just beginning.
Liv - Go C! So many clever little boys!!! Read above. Hope he's feeling better.
MG - You poor thing, sick again!
Country - Come on bubba! Time to move out so Mum's ribs can recover.
LM - How's things hun? You're very quiet, hope all is well with you guys. Must catch up once schools back.
MA - Hope sleep has returned to your house.
Livvy - How'd the ob appt go?????????
Waiting - Gorgeous pics of A on fb. Congrats on getting the $$$ for your prac. Did those blocks fit????
Sorry to anyone I've missed.
Cardio appt went well only need an echo next year, so relieved. Have been taking S across the rd to the reserve most days, so cute watching him run around in his gummies.
16-07-2011 18:58 #914
Rach- great news about Marli, sounds like she's doing really well.
17-07-2011 10:05 #915
Good morning all, happy Sunday morning!!
Just popping in, it's just me and the dog today while me hubby is at work, lovely day to be home what with it being all rainy and blustery. Trying to convince myself to get in the shower and go do the weekly grocery shop at 11 am but feeling rather lazy (and headachey, but that's nothing new!!!)
Kiwi - OB appt went really well the other day, didn't end up having an ultrasound which I was a teensy bit disappointed by, but he just came in and got the Doppler out straight away and found my little bubbas heartbeats immediately. It was so cool to hear them again for the first time since 7 wks. One was 160 and the other 140 which he was happy with. One of them kicked while he s doing the Doppler and it was like a little 'doosh' sound and I asked what it was and he said it was a kick and I was just like 'awww'. Can't feel them kick yet but it's nice to have heard it Thats awesome news about your cardio appointment! Must be so cute to watch your little guy in his gum boots splashing around. I do just love kiddie gum boots!!!
Digby - so sorry to her you're having such a tough time of it. I can only imagine how tough it must be trying to cope when your DH isn't being that helpful. I fear that in 5 months time I may know exactly how you feel, my DH is a fireman and does shift work and I worry that he's going to leave the babies up to me as he may look at it in a way that his job is financially supporting us and my job will become looking after the babies and home 100% since I'll not be working. I have to admit Im nervous about doing it all myself and how I'll cope. Maybe I'm maligning him though, he's a very hands on guy so he may not leave it all up to me. It seems though that some of the other ladies have offered some good advice, I hope you get a bit of a break sometime soon and catch up in some much needed sleep!!
Rach- oh that's great news about marli being off the machines, you can finally snuggle her without getting caught up in all the wires! I understand how it would be a bit scary too without having the technology to rely on though. Sounds like she's doing so well though which is just great!!
Lady - it does suck about my boss, I think she just has no idea what it's like. She's married but as yet has no kids (although she did mention last sept that she and her hub had started 'not trying not to' conceive. I think she's just so wrapped up in herself that she doesn't care whats going on with me or how I am coping. She certainly has no qualms about putting a lot of pressure on me and stressing me out. Perhaps in that week she is away if she hasn't got me totally swamped with work we could meet up for lunch or a hot drink somewhere.
AFM - feeling kinda blurgh this morning, was fine earlier but feel a but queasy and headachey now. I am now past 14 weeks and definitely have a belly popping out. Not so much that ppl could definitively look at me and see Im pregnant, but enough so I've given up on my normal jeans with a belly belt and opted to buy a couple of pairs of maternity jeans from jeans west. Not sure whether I'd be considered 'big' for my stage of gestation or not but I can say that googling pics of ladies 14 weeks preg with twins has shown me I'm not yet as big as some are at this stage. Sounds like a silly thing to even think about but I'm a slight build so Im kinda worried how my body will take the twins. I googled pics of ladies later in preg with twins and scared the cr@p out of myself lol. Will my tummy ever go back?? Anyway, OB appt went well the other day, just heart the bubbas on a Doppler and all seemed well. Can't say that the nausea of the first trimester has left me yet though, feeling really blah!!!
17-07-2011 10:47 #916
Mg: hope u r feeling better pregnancy colds suck cos no codral!
Lisa: thanks for the encouragement I think that I'll go with the flow but start the bath routine at 6:30 in the hopes that he starts going down a bit earlier. U poor thing re being crook and good on u for staying home no shame there better than making everyone in the office crook too. Hope u get well soon
Digby: I hear u on the wind smile thing - no way! they r def starting to engage now. I think u will need extra help from dh at night it's too hard to do it all alone especially if u r having a hard night. There needs to be a get out of bed card! Def ring the helplines anything to help survive also feel free to fb me I'm usually up at 4! Sleep dep sux can u get yr mum to come over n sit with z for a couple nights so u can sleep? As for trying to keep up I reckon cancel non essential apps put a sign on the door and try n catch some zzzs hope u get some sleep soon xxx
Rach: omg your expressing story made me laugh! Glad to hear that m is off the monitors and u r bfing and bathing her now that's great news! Hope u get some sleep soon!
Country: best wishes for the birth!!
Kiwi: good news bout the ticker
Afm: O smiling n looking cute still projectiling on occasion n enjoying a lazy Sunday in jammies w dh inside by the fire have a good one xo
17-07-2011 12:08 #917
Hi all, what crappy weather!!
Lisa - hope you are getting better, by the sounds of it you've had what I did, Im still recovering weeks later, its awful. The tiredness is killer!!
Rach - awesome to hear little M is doing well and now attempting to b/feed! Cant wait to see pics and eventually meet her. Hope you are doing well and the exhaustion isnt too crazy
LM - Hope you, the twinnies and Max are doing well
Kiwi - Great news your MRI had good results. Hope the kids arent driving you too insane on school holidays!
Digby - I would suggest cancelling all non-essential appointments for a couple days and staying at home to sleep. I remember having to do that a few times. Being school holidays can you get E to go to a friend's house during the day so you can just have Z at home at catch up on some sleep??
MG - Hope you are getting better. Great to hear your scan went well and enjoy your trip
Livvy - STOP GOOGLING!!!!!!!!!!!! You will only scare yourself!!
AFM - Im still not 100%, my ears are giving me grief still A is cutting 2 eye teeth and now has a cold AGAIN. She's still sleeping really well in her bed, SOOOO glad we made the change. Im heading to the S/East in 1 week for 4 days (3 days in school, 1 day travel) so starting to get prepared.
Ahh little miss is asking for a nap, Im off hope everyone is well
Last edited by waitinghoping; 17-07-2011 at 12:11.
17-07-2011 16:05 #918
Thankyou all for your thoughts and suggestions. The last few days have been a nightmare. Yesterday afternoon Z had her arvo nap just ad we had a full house of visitors, nearly bought me to tears as I would have loved to of been able to take advantage & sleep myself. No fault of the visitors though, it's just me trying to please everyone. I guess it comes with having a new baby (lots of visitors to see the new addition) It just sucks as they say & it's so true "sleep when baby sleeps" if only it was that simple. Lol!!
Well last night my mum did sleep over to give me a nights rest. We even had a bottle of formula ready for the early morning feed & if anyone would be able to give it to her my mum would have to be at the top of the list lol! Well, would you believe it Z slept from 11pm-7am her best night ever so she made a liar out of us lol!! Where hoping the last few days were more so due to a wonder week & it's all good from here on. Fingerscrosed for a good night tonight. My mum also seemed to settle her to sleep so much better than DH and I can. I wish I could keep her here lol!! Mum just seems to always have the nack to know what babies want (a bit like bringing TH to us lol) Mum says it's only because Im so overtired & I hope shes right & things get better. I just feel I was in more control with E as a baby. (maybe as I got more sleep)
Anyway, I'm happy last night was such a good night & feeling so much better for getting some sleep. At least we know she can do it so Im sure she'll do it again.
17-07-2011 18:07 #919
Digby: 3 cheers for Zahli! And mum for helping so stoked that u got some sleep it's prob the wonder week peaking with the 6 week crying peak apparently the crying chills out a bit after this oh n another way to stay awake I downloaded my fave book on kindle to my phone and read during night feeds Owen did 10 - 4 then 4:30 - 8 must've been the night for it yayaya keep it up kids!! Xx for tonight xx
17-07-2011 18:24 #920
Winzy.....what a good lil boy Owen is, you must be feeling great! Oh also I learnt something interesting the other night when I called the parent helpline.....apparently when it comes to routines etc when you start something they say stick to it & not chop & change for 2 weeks. I was getting concerned again about how where bathing Z so late at 10pm but she said if it's worked for us before it will work again so we've deceided to stick at it & in a few weeks bath her at 9.30pm & then every couple of weeks make it a bit earlier until eventually a 6pm bath followed by 7pm bed time! Well, thats the plan, Zahli may have other ideas lol!!
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