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  1. #1
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    Default Finding a Surrogate in Qld

    Hello

    I am reaching out to you all in the hope of finding out more information with regards to trying to find a surrogate here in Queensland.

    I was unfortunately diagnosed with bowel cancer some time ago now and through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation was able to beat it. But after all the treatment that was mainly targeted at my pelvic area I am no longer able to produce eggs and now it also seems to be able to fall pregnant.

    I was incredibly fortunate to have a beautiful lady contact me through BH and offer to be an egg donor for us which resulted in a fantastic result of 9 embryos but to date I have had no luck with any of those transfers. It seems that after all the treatment my uterus is not great and will not support implantation at all.
    I now have 5 precious embryos waiting for me but I no longer want to waste them on myself.

    My FS has from the start of this journey said that my only real chance of success is a surrogate, but how do you find that special someone?

    I have no sisters, I have two sister in laws - one still having her family the other too old and would not consider it anyway. Friends are still having families too, or are not interested and I can understand that too.

    So how do you find that special someone if it is illegal to advertise here in Qld.

    Any help from any of you ladies would be so much appreciated to help me achieve my dream of having a family.

    I feel so lost right now, why do the authorities make our journey so much harder than it has already been. All I want is some hope right now.

    Have a great day everyone and thanks for taking the time to read my post.

  2. #2
    Mama24Crazies's Avatar
    Mama24Crazies is offline The precious bundle that I proudly gave back.................. 37 weeks
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    Hi Andrews7899,

    Yes, I couldn't agree with you more........ the government has set guidelines around surrogacy that forbid advertising and it certainly makes it hard for intended parents to find that lady to carry their precious little bundle. BUT, with saying that, it only makes it harder....it certainly doesn't make it impossible.

    I am now a 9 week pregnant surrogate for a wonderful couple in Brisbane. When I was in research mode, I remember sitting in a FS office talking about surrogacy. (possibly a little inappropriate....seeing I was there donating my eggs...but hey, whatever it takes!!) I said to him, that after my last donation, I wanted to be a surrogate and assumed that he would be able to help me with getting into contact with a couple. He then smiled, and told me that it would be highly unethical for him to do that. He then literally patted me on the shoulder and suggested I get amongst the infertility circle. WHAT!!! I then politely said to him, that he was in fact the CENTRE of that silly circle he was talking about. In my mind, it was a no brainer....he was the link!!!

    Anyway, from there I found bub hub and the rest is history. What you have done Andrew7899 is fantastic. An honest and open post that gives a personality to your username.

    Keep your story alive....post on your thread and others and people will get to know you.

    You never know who is stalking out there in cyberspace.

    I wish you all the luck and really hope you and your hubby have a short journey.

    Love

    Karen

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Mama24Crazies For This Useful Post:

    Kaldeo  (28-05-2017)

  4. #3
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    Hi Karen

    Thank you so much for your advice and kind words, you have really lifted my spirits today, so thank you.

    It gives me so much hope to know that special people like yourself are out there willing to help couples achieve their family. I am truly over the moon for the couple you are doing this for, a dream come true.

    I too have had similar problems with my FS, he is more than happy every time I visit him to suggest that surrogacy is my only hope but when I try to ask for advice as to how can I do this when I have no-one, he just shrugs his shoulders and changes the subject. On my last visit when he mentioned it again, I finally stood up for myself and said "Well tell me where to find one and I will start tomorrow" and "Why do you keep mentioning it when I have no-one to ask to help me". He then mentioned to me again not to advertise otherwise I could get into serious trouble which I replied "OK send me to jail because I want a baby, I don't care".

    I just don't understand why surrogacy is treated as a taboo subject with my fertility specialist and/or clinic. My clinic has a very well organised donor program where donor sperm is readily available but there is a wait list for either donor eggs and embryos. But I feel that my clinic and others should be looking at setting up a surrogacy program also, as the need is so great.

    My FS called me early this morning to ask when I want to start another cycle and I frankly told him again I would not do another transfer unless my uterine lining is able to reach over 7.5mm (it never has yet, not even close) as the hurt and disappointment of failure is incredibly hard to take. I then mentioned to him again that I was considering donating my embryos on to someone else to give them a chance of having their family, he again advised me to use them on myself or my surrogate first. My DH and I have discussed embryo donation a number of times and we both feel strongly that this is something we want to do if this does not work out for us. My ED is also more than happy for this to happen so we will wait and see how things go.....

    Have a great day and please take care of yourself.

    x

  5. #4
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    Hi there just a thought but, you can look for a surro on Ausie egg doners.
    you would also find a lot of suport there and help with your search from other members who are on the same road as you are.

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    i wish i was old enough to help you
    i plan on being a surrogate asap but ive been told i need to be 26 and finished having my family, im 21 now and planning to have kids out of the way by 26 so i can get straight into it- my body works well and i hate that others cant have the same luck we have and i cant wait to make lots of babies for lots of loving parents!

    sorry big ramble

  7. #6
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    Mama24Crazies is offline The precious bundle that I proudly gave back.................. 37 weeks
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    Oh Andrews.....that post just broke my heart. I am so sorry that you feel so desperate and at the end of the road that you would consider donating your little cell babies (as much as I, obviously, think donating on is a beautiful thing to do!!!).

    To have the strength to beat cancer and to then have it in you, to play russian roullete every month with your lining whilst on IVF, is an absolute credit to you. My beautiful IM had 15? maybe 16 cycles of IVF........ battling the same dreaded lining measurement problem that you are. But the amount of cycles is irrelevant.....each one would be incredibly painful. For you to even write the post shows you are tenacious and are willing to struggle on. So good on you...you should be proud.

    I appreciate it, if this is something that you wouldn't want to hear from a surrogate with a belly full of bub...... but please don't give up. Surro's are out there......

    I have noticed that a lot of IVFer's are understandably very private about their journeys. Unfortunately with surrogacy, pride needs a swift kick......discussing it with other people is another way you may find your tummy mummy. Someone may know someone at work, at a party, even at a tupperware party!!!! (mmmm....you maybe thinking that plastics and surrogacy don't mix ....but how often have you been asked the question, 'Do you want to have kids?") It is obviously then a question of personalities clicking.

    Would you consider taking your cell babies overseas??

    I hope you had a wonderful weekend.

    Look after yourself.

    Love

    Karen

  8. #7
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    HeatherRob - Thanks so much for your help, it is most appreciated. Will definitely follow your advice.

    Chopchop - I wish you all the best for your plans on becoming a surrogate in the future. It truly is a wonderful thing to do, all the very best. Thank you for taking the time to message me.

    Mama24Crazies - Hi Karen, thanks again for all of the advice and information you have sent my way, so very grateful. We have always been very open with friends and family with our journey to date, I know though that there has also been some cruel words spoken about our decision with egg donation, but it truly does not bother me. I am sure that if those people were put in the same place that we are that they too would explore their options.

    I have thought about taking our embies overseas but from the small amount of research I have done I have to say the cost was scary. To be honest I have not thought this far ahead.

    Wow I cannot believe your IM had so many cycles, I feel quite selfish now to say the least. I would probably keep going with cycle after cycle but with me unable to produce my own eggs my DH is reluctant for me to keep going with egg donation. Also I realise my FS knows best so if he keeps telling me to look at other options than I have to start listening to him.

    Thank you for thinking me, I truly appreciate it.

    Take care. xx

  9. #8
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    Mama24Crazies is offline The precious bundle that I proudly gave back.................. 37 weeks
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    Gosh....don't feel selfish. I actually think it is completely deplorable that a lady has to go through that many cycles, to be finally told that her lining would never have accepted any of the transfers.

    I can't believe people would make their feelings known to you about egg donation.....that's terrible. But as you say, I'd like to see what these people would do if they were told THEY weren't able to have kids!!! Tables may turn then.....

    Have a good day!

    love

    Karen

  10. #9
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    I am with Karen I hate it when poeple say negative things about egg donation, I now respond with,
    "well trying to adopt a child is like finding rocking horse poo" or
    "Adopting a child is like pulling hens teeth"
    They look at me funny but, they learn to keep thier mouths shut around me.

  11. #10
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    Did anyone watch Insight 2 weeks ago on Surrogacy? I've written down the names of the clinic and the lawyer and some of the people on the discussion panel. If you missed it you can watch it on SBS online. From what they're saying India would be a cheaper option, it looks like Australia is working to shut the door to overseas surrogacy soon just like it's done to overseas adoption.


 

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