I have copy and pasted my original post back in the OP now that more women have come forward. Go, read, judge
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18-03-2011 12:05 #51
18-03-2011 12:07 #52
RunningWithScissors- I also say that you sound like a very dedicated parent, and the last incident with the elbow wasn't your fault at all. As you did say- 11 year olds ARE old enough to make decisions for themselves, and you can't possibly be around 24/7 to be that little voice on his shoulder reminding him what's dangerous and what isn't. So please don't beat yourself up over that.
Ok... so here's another one I just have to get out. I let L stand on a table top about 1.5m off the ground and it was sitting on hard concrete whilst I was 3 metres away pegging up washing. And of course you know what happens... he fell. I feel terrible... but I let him do it because I was just so tired of arguing with them both that day over every little thing they wanted to do. Thankfully though he wasn't hurt, and it seems to have taught him not to go back up there.
18-03-2011 12:19 #53
to all of you. I am lucky in that i was a nanny for many years before being a mother, so i knew it's possible to feel blind rage towards a small defenseless person
I think we really need to start being more honest about these things and TELL new mothers 'you might hate them sometimes, you might wish harm upon them' It's all well and good to say 'never shake a baby', but they don't add the next part which is 'because there will be times that you want to'
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18-03-2011 12:21 #54
Oh London that was so heartbreaking to read and i cannot begin to imagine how hard that must'v been for you!!
Big hugs!! I'm on my phone so don't know if i can add a hugging smilie but pretend I did
18-03-2011 12:24 #55
18-03-2011 12:39 #56
Wowy wow wow wow. What a totally aweome thread. I am nodding in agreement to so many of these.
DH and I have both admitted that if we had a time machine....we would go back and not have our DS's (we both have one DS from our previous relationship...)
But it is SO hard being a blended/step family. It's such a constant source of stress.
Now we have them, of course we wouldn't change it... But to actually go back a rewrite history and never know them.. Well, life would be a hell of alot easier.
DS1 is so hard to love, he is such an instense stressed little boy and I blame myself everyday for being so horrible in his first 12 months.
We clash tremendously and I have said to DH that I feel like punching him. Never have and never would, but the frustration and anger I feel toward him is overwhelming sometimes.
18-03-2011 12:47 #57
I just read this and I could have written it myself. I had DS even trying to strangle himself in the car while I was driving on a very very busy freeway. I almost drove the car off the road. It was unbearable. He still has self hate moments but thankfully he doesn't say he should die anymore. I'm so sorry for anyone who experiences this with their kids. It's horrible.
18-03-2011 13:21 #58
to everyone! I'm glad this thread started too London. It was a brave thread to start and very important. We all need to know that we all go through these times.
I can't even look at photos of my DS1 when he was little (he is 14 now) as I feel so bad at what kind of parent I was then. I had no idea that you could love something that much when he was born, it was really bad. I was young and stupid (and no, I don't think the two necessarily go hand in hand, it was just the case in my situation) when I had him and had no clue about babies and no support from FOB (who was, and still is apparently, an idiot - though we have nothing at all to do with him now and haven't since DS1 was 10 months), no support from family and no friends. Even though I loved him so much it hurt, I had no idea on what to do with him. I was so hot and cold - either really loving or really angry - I too am one who just snaps. I would parent by yelling and being overbearing.
One time, he must have been about 12 months old and was having constant sleep issues and every single sleep time was a battle, I got so mad at him I just wanted to put a pillow over his head and did - just for a second or two and then realised what I was doing, pulled it off him and just cried and cried. I had no one. But even now trying to justify it in my head, I had sooo many issues besides having no support (mum was in and out of mental hospital again at this stage with psychosis, which had been getting steadily worse since I was young), I still can't justify my actions and feel like the worst parent in the world. My son adores me and always wants my attention and tries to please me. He still has self esteem issues but is much better. He was always bullied at school and I really feel like it was my fault, my lack of parenting skills, my yelling and overbearing manner that caused his lack of self esteem. I hated myself for such a long time and still do over him, as I said, I can't even look at photos of him from then as I just feel sorry for that poor little boy.
I was much better with my daughter, but still gave in to anger too many times over the years, but have steadily improved. I have given them everything and we would go and do so much fun stuff too and in a lot of ways I was still a great parent. They are my world.
I was terrified trying to have my latest baby, that I would turn into that person again, and mostly I haven't. I am way more relaxed and am coping much better with the lack of sleep than I was then (though poor DP will cop the anger when it does surface ).
I can't really express what I want to say properly about all of this, as I haven't really told anyone all of the above and am now sitting here in tears. to all us mothers. It is soooo hard to love something so much. The guilt when you go wrong is just unbearable at times.
18-03-2011 13:29 #59on a bubhub break
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
*super hugs to everyone*
18-03-2011 13:59 #60
Oh London... I had tears for you reading that. How absolutely devestating to see your child go through such a 'phase'.. and then not have ANYONE help? I would have been clawing my own eyes out. I'm so sorry no one would help you.. and all I kept on thinking was
'when people hurt their own children, others around say "but they didn't ask for help".. and yet here is a woman BEGGING for help and no one could be bothered... how many other poor women were begging just like you were?'
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