+ Reply to Thread
Page 49 of 51 FirstFirst ... 394748495051 LastLast
Results 481 to 490 of 501
  1. #481
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    239
    Thanks
    201
    Thanked
    159
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Waggers70 View Post
    Since my son was born 4 1/2 years ago, I've suffered suicidal PND, I found out that some of my closest family had been backstabbing me for years, my marriage fell apart, I took on a full time job with huge responsibilities as a single mum, am going thru a nasty divorce, still rarely get a nights sleep as DS is still a crap sleeper, rarely eat a meal as DS is an incredibly poor eater and very demanding of my time, lost most of my friends and just basically struggle thru each day.

    ETA I also went thru 4 full rounds of IVF to have him. I love him, but often fantasise life on my own. Even an hour would be bliss
    Also I'm 47 so no real time left for me to start over. I think I'll be a single celibate until I die early from overwork and stress, with maybe a touch of alcoholism
    I hope you can find some help and that it does get easier for you as everyone else on this thread says. Can you afford to get help? A psychologist, maybe who bulk bills? I wish I could hire a nanny.

  2. #482
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    239
    Thanks
    201
    Thanked
    159
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Purple Poppy View Post
    Can I also add that yes it does get easier with time and help. But there are mums out there that dont think its the greatest thing in the world and declare there love everywhere.

    But that's ok!

    We are all different and handle parenthood in different ways. As long as you can find a professional that you like and you can talk to you will one day find what works for you and makes you happy.
    I just have to get to 'one day'. If someone could tell me "in (this much time) it will absolutely be easier and you will absolutely feel differently" then I think I would be okay. But everyone said it's easier by 3 months - that came around, not easier. It's easier when they smile - that didn't really change how I felt either. Some people say 6 months, 12 months, 2 years... how on earth can I hang out for that long waiting to feel differently about these kids and get some of my identity back?

  3. #483
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,663
    Thanks
    1,670
    Thanked
    2,833
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week

    Default Motherhood: The Shameful Secrets

    Quote Originally Posted by Petulia View Post
    Will never try for more children. I'm too old anyway, but after this experience I wouldn't go back.

    When are the hormones supposed to get back to normal? The boys are 4 months, I stopped breastfeeding 3 months ago, and I'm onto my second period post birth.
    Could you do a hormonal check up to ensure that your hormonal levels are where/what they should be?

    Also I'd advise you to speak to the helpline PANDA. They are amazing ladies that all experienced PND and are trained in helping others going through this.
    They were the most helpful people I spoke too when experiencing this. They just got it. They didn't say you'll feel better when they smile, you'll feel better when they sleep through etc
    They listened and listened and offered practical advice on top of the listening shoulder.

    Their first advice was to organise an hormonal check up with a GP - they give you the name of a GP near you that's specially trained in PND.

    1300 726 306
    Helpline Hours:10am - 5pm (AEST/AEDT), Monday to Friday
    www.panda.org.au

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to ExcuseMyFrench For This Useful Post:

    Petulia  (27-05-2017)

  5. #484
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    3,713
    Thanks
    4,935
    Thanked
    3,760
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Petulia View Post
    I hope you can find some help and that it does get easier for you as everyone else on this thread says. Can you afford to get help? A psychologist, maybe who bulk bills? I wish I could hire a nanny.
    @Petulia a friend of mine with twins has a medical condition and was able to access a subsidy for a nanny to help her when the twins were newborns. If you contact the multiple birth association they might have some info on this scheme for you - perhaps your current PND situation would qualify for this subsidy if it still exists (I hope)?
    One of the things you said in another post really resonated with me about wishing you could leave the babies with your DH and go back to work just so you can get away. I honestly said those words through tears so many times in the first few months. I honestly fantasised about putting my dd in childcare and go back to work to get away from her. These feelings started to diminish 6-8 months and have consistently got better as her independence has developed. I still have hard days and have a tendency to catastrophise a bit (if she has a bad night sleeping or wakes up early I think every day/night will be like that again - but it isn't). But overwhelmingly things are easier and better than they were. Things will get better for you. I wish I could say tomorrow or next week but hopefully soon.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to gingermillie For This Useful Post:

    Petulia  (27-05-2017)

  7. #485
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    239
    Thanks
    201
    Thanked
    159
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    Could you do a hormonal check up to ensure that your hormonal levels are where/what they should be?

    Also I'd advise you to speak to the helpline PANDA. They are amazing ladies that all experienced PND and are trained in helping others going through this.
    They were the most helpful people I spoke too when experiencing this. They just got it. They didn't say you'll feel better when they smile, you'll feel better when they sleep through etc
    They listened and listened and offered practical advice on top of the listening shoulder.

    Their first advice was to organise an hormonal check up with a GP - they give you the name of a GP near you that's specially trained in PND.

    1300 726 306
    Helpline Hours:10am - 5pm (AEST/AEDT), Monday to Friday
    www.panda.org.au
    What could they do for me do you think if my hormones are out of whack?
    I did call PANDA about 5-6 weeks ago - unfortunately I got a male counsellor (????) who wouldn't give me any advice but just offered empathic phone counselling. Just kept reflecting back what I was saying. Wouldn't advise me on treatment options, facts on PND, which was what I wanted. I just got really frustrated. But if I ever call back I will ask for a female counsellor and give them feedback on my last experience.
    I have managed to find myself a psychiatrist and a psychologist who specialise in perinatal/postnatal issues but of course it all takes time, and in the meantime it's horrible. It does help to vent here though, and to hear from others who have been trough the same thing.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Petulia For This Useful Post:

    OSmum2017  (27-05-2017)

  9. #486
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    239
    Thanks
    201
    Thanked
    159
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    @Petulia a friend of mine with twins has a medical condition and was able to access a subsidy for a nanny to help her when the twins were newborns. If you contact the multiple birth association they might have some info on this scheme for you - perhaps your current PND situation would qualify for this subsidy if it still exists (I hope)?

    I think you're talking about the special child care benefit? I could apply for it with my PND, the horrible thing is I have to have a professional write a letter attesting that the children are at serious risk of abuse or neglect - which I guess they are if I don't get better, it's just HORRIBLE they make you say that.

    One of the things you said in another post really resonated with me about wishing you could leave the babies with your DH and go back to work just so you can get away. I honestly said those words through tears so many times in the first few months. I honestly fantasised about putting my dd in childcare and go back to work to get away from her. These feelings started to diminish 6-8 months and have consistently got better as her independence has developed. I still have hard days and have a tendency to catastrophise a bit (if she has a bad night sleeping or wakes up early I think every day/night will be like that again - but it isn't). But overwhelmingly things are easier and better than they were. Things will get better for you. I wish I could say tomorrow or next week but hopefully soon.
    I fantasise about going back to work full time and my partner being a stay at home dad (which he would do) - and I've never been the kind of person who loves working! Also the childcare thing - but what would stop me doing that is they would get sick all the time (they say the first year of childcare you can expect to them to get sick with something every other week) and that would freak me out then having to deal with 2 sick babies (they already cry enough) and us getting sick too. I guess I have to add about a month to most developmental milestones as they were premmies, and another 3 months seems like an eternity. Most days I wake up wishing it was already time to go to bed to so time will pass quicker.

  10. #487
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,663
    Thanks
    1,670
    Thanked
    2,833
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    @Petulia your twins are 4 mo right? I went back to work when my baby was 6mo and it was the best thing I ever did!

    It was so good to be back into pretty clothes, to have time for coffee, to be able to have adulte conversations.

    My children thrive in childcare. They love it, it's like their second home/family. I don't have any other support and I'm not ashamed of having to pay for my village.

    Could you maybe go back to work part time and your DH goes part time too?

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to ExcuseMyFrench For This Useful Post:

    Petulia  (28-05-2017)

  12. #488
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,148
    Thanks
    537
    Thanked
    941
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Petulia View Post
    I just have to get to 'one day'. If someone could tell me "in (this much time) it will absolutely be easier and you will absolutely feel differently" then I think I would be okay. But everyone said it's easier by 3 months - that came around, not easier. It's easier when they smile - that didn't really change how I felt either. Some people say 6 months, 12 months, 2 years... how on earth can I hang out for that long waiting to feel differently about these kids and get some of my identity back?
    I have been a mum for 7.5 years. For me there still hasnt been that moment of I love it and this was the best thing.
    But what has helped for me is finding my own identity again, something I still sometimes struggle with. Weather that be going back to work or having a day with kids in school/daycare so i could just get through the week to have that time just for me.
    Losing our identity when we become a mum is hard and unfortunately many women dont like to talk about the hard parts of it.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Purple Poppy For This Useful Post:

    Petulia  (28-05-2017)

  14. #489
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    71
    Thanked
    187
    Reviews
    0
    Biiiiiig hugs @Petulia. I've been reading your posts but I haven't wanted to butt in with any advice seeing as I don't have my own experience to draw from, but I sooooo want to tell you that I'm hearing your pain and I'm hoping the absolute best for you in this journey.

    I can relate to your frustration calling PANDA. I had a similar experience once when I felt totally emptied out and at the end of the line. I called Lifeline and I just did not respond well to the counsellor's, kind of, 'there, there' approach. I wanted a solution! I needed a way out!

    And now here I am, offering equally solutionless support, I'm sorry. I can't tell you when it will get better. I can't tell you what will finally start to work for you. Even if I did have a magic date for you, it doesn't make today or tomorrow any easier. I just want to say 'good on you!' for the steps you've taken. Every single moment you've put in to this struggle has taken strength and courage. You deserve credit for that.

    I'm just listening now to the Dear Sugar episode Moms who hate motherhood. The letters might be difficult to listen to, but the advice that follows is, I think, hopeful. You might like to give it a listen, or it might be the last thing you want to listen to. But here's the link if you're interested.
    Last edited by OSmum2017; 27-05-2017 at 22:09.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to OSmum2017 For This Useful Post:

    Petulia  (28-05-2017)

  16. #490
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    519
    Thanks
    237
    Thanked
    532
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Motherhood: The Shameful Secrets

    I went back to full time work when my bub was 7 months old. I know it sounds weird that by going back to work it gives you a break.. But it really does. If you need to put yr Bubs in childcare so you can get a break.. Do it. If DH wants to take some time off to mind his children.. Then let him. Get him to stay at home fulltime to get you back in the right head space.

    You mentioned wanting a nanny. You can get a Demi pair that lives in your house and works about 20 hrs per week in exchange for room and board. Maybe this could help. I have had 3 live in au pairs if you want more info about this option too. This could be a cheaper option than having 2 kids in childcare with a lot less sickness also. Both options may help you get back some me time.
    Last edited by kylie764; 28-05-2017 at 00:20.

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kylie764 For This Useful Post:

    ExcuseMyFrench  (27-05-2017),Petulia  (28-05-2017)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Guilty Secrets.
    By babycake in forum General Chat
    Replies: 331
    Last Post: 19-07-2012, 16:56
  2. Secrets...
    By ~Marigold~ in forum Games & fun stuff
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: 29-01-2012, 17:11
  3. My shameful confession
    By Shoopuf in forum General Chat
    Replies: 81
    Last Post: 09-11-2011, 15:46

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Prams and StrollersLooking to buy a pram or stroller? :: Viewer reviews of prams :: Pram Buyers ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
any bright ideasGeneral Chat
Games of ThronesMovies / Music / Books / TV Chat
Trigger: Game of Thrones Predications for 2017Movies / Music / Books / TV Chat
How long after miscarriage did you get AF?Conception & Fertility General Chat
IVF Babies due August/Sept/Oct' 16 #4pregnancy and babies through IVF
Amazing August TTC #2Conception & Fertility General Chat
Braxton hicks - what's normal?Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›