Thank you London for starting this thread.
I have been reading along but never got up the nerve to post.
Just deleted my whole post.
I am feeling so guilty. Tortured even.
I'll come back and explain when I can get my head straight.
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14-07-2014 14:15 #421
14-07-2014 14:31 #422
This is a great thread - I think it shows that we ALL can have tough times & that it certainly doesn't mean you don't love your kids...it just means we are human under all that 'super mum' BS. My kids are now getting older but I would have loved to see a thing like this when they were young. My eldest was an ABSOLUTE nightmare who didn't sleep through the night until she was about 5yrs old, didn't nap AT ALL from about 4 months - there was more than one time I would close the door & leave her so I could just get away from the constant crying. I would have terrible thoughts of pushing her down the stairs just to shut her up. I never ever harmed her but I think it's good to acknowledge - especially to those who might be going through it now that motherhood is not as easy as many want you to believe. Keep strong all you lovely ladies!!
14-07-2014 19:03 #423
14-07-2014 19:24 #424
I'm feeling a bit foolish for the way I am feeling but I'm so tired in not sure what is guilt and what is my brain playing tricks on me.
Today I had to go to the gp and get help for Ds2.
He has not been sleeping for more than 6 hours a day for months.
He is 17 months.
We have had issues since birth. I have had to fight for every little bit of help from anyone I could.
He had not put on any weight since 11 months. Has developmental delay and tongue issues due to a late release of his tongue tie.
So... Im feeling guilty for having to sedate him to get any sleep.
I'm feeling resentful that no one will help until it's this bad.
My Ds1 is getting not enough time from me and he is special needs and on holidays. I'm sick of yelling at everything. He is only 7.
I lost it at dh the other day then Ds1 had to cuddle me coz I was crying cooking dinner. I almost fell asleep driving them to the doctor today.
I have had thoughts of slapping Ds1 for waking his brother. Not letting me get things done /helping.
I'm just writing and deleting now so I'll stop.
I'm sorry if tat didn't make any sense. I'm so tired of it all. But I can't sleep for the guilt and worry.
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14-07-2014 19:35 #425Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
14-07-2014 19:41 #426
@DueInAugust huge hugs!!! Give yourself a break, forgive yourself and move on... Your only human. There is a reason they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture and it's because it tips you over the edge and sends you insane. Let go of the guilt and do whatever it is you need to do to survive.. Is sleep school a possibility? Can a child health nurse or support person visit you weekly? I had bad pnd and struggled with ds's allergies and a child health nurse visited me weekly for over a year.
Keep reaching out... There are more mums then you think that have suffered through similar things. Xxxx
Last edited by RipperRita; 14-07-2014 at 19:45.
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14-07-2014 19:43 #427
I just had to reply to your post. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you are when you are so sleep deprived. My DD has massive sleep issues related to her medical condition. She grows very slowly and is delayed developmentally. Her drs were very concerned about her getting sleep in order to help growth and development so shes been on sleep meds since 12 months old. She is 19 months now. Only melatonin at this stage but I imagine by the time shes 2 we may need to look for something else to help her sleep. Its very hard and unless others have been there they dont know what it is like to live on such little sleep. I also do other crazy things like put dvds on in her room when she wont sleep at 1am etc! You do what you need to.
I hope you can get a dr to listen to your concerns and help you with sleep.
Big big hugs. I know how you feel.
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14-07-2014 19:53 #428
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14-07-2014 20:18 #429
@DueInAugust I don't see anything there to beat yourself up or feel guilty about. Thoughts and urges are ok - they are a reaction to stress, and boy have you been under stress. There are so many of us around these parts that have experienced the mania of sleep deprivation. Please, please lean on us for support.
All I can see from your post is a devoted mumma who loves her kids, knows them well enough to advocate for them when things aren't right and makes difficult decisions for their wellbeing. You are doing so well.
Please, though, if you feel snowed under or like you're not coping, go and talk to your GP. You don't have to suffer in silence.
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14-07-2014 20:42 #430
@DueInAugust big big hugs. I don't have any advice, but please know you aren't alone. I only have one ds and I feel very similar to you. Sleep deprivation makes you feel and think things you wouldn't under any other circumstance
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