Sweetie there is no such thing as "Just a Mum." I know it sounds trite to say that it's the hardest job in the world but read this thread- it's the truth. So many of us become consumed with our child or our children, particularly when we first become mothers and we forget what we used to be. Look how many members are Mum2suchandsuch. My first parenting forum username was Mum2Claudie. Now I'm just plural- my4cubs I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that i'm just saying that is how we see ourselves. Problem is, we see ourselves as mothers FIRST- we just forget to place much value on it.
There is no shame in being a Mum and I don't believe for one moment that the considerate, empathetic, intelligent bubhubber we see before us, (You) is nothing, "more than that."
ETA all my fb statuses are about Ollie. Don't befriend me you'll be bored stiff!!
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18-03-2011 21:47 #91
18-03-2011 21:58 #92
Oh my gosh i really want to hug each and very one of US (cos there are a lot of us out there suffering through our personal guilt trips) and say
"We are doing the best we can today and we are working on doing better tomorrow"
I just feel so sorry for the undercurrents and waves of sorrow running through this thread. We expect so much of ourselves and we want the absolute best for our kids. But we are only human, we have our own f*ckups to deal with WHILE we try to do the best for our kids.
PS Bravo London for starting this thread and having the b@lls to reinstate your story. FWIW its a heartbreaking story but all I could think reading it is 'its not your fault'. Its a human dynamic, the interaction between you and your child. Its a tragedy that noone realised the depth of your despair or answered your call for help.
And bravo to everyone who had the b@lls to post, I just want to hug each and every one of you and wish you all the best in dealing with your heartache. May the joy you feel in your kids override everything else you feel, even if it is just for tomorrow.
18-03-2011 22:09 #93
CazGotHam, they may consume you now but you will find yourself again. I feel the same, all i think or talk about is the kids because I don;t have time for anything else. I hope in the future when they are older and more independent i will find time to discover myself. Cos I feel like I never really knew myself before kids.
Geez what is it about this thread. London, what have you started?? All these peeps being honest and opening their hearts??
18-03-2011 22:13 #94Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
I'm not trying to make any working parents feel bad here. Just saying that I loved that my mum was "just" a mum. I hope to be half the person she is.
I'm sure your kids will recognise how much you love them and how much you've done for them too. To them you will be (ARE) everything, not nothing.
18-03-2011 22:15 #95
I figured we're usually all defending ourselves on so many different ideals and stupid things...a thread to remind us we're all human and all have our own sh!t going on, would be good. Ive read too many 'im a terrible Mother' threads and feel bad that soo many people felt like they were the only ones.
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18-03-2011 22:23 #96
18-03-2011 22:42 #97
Nawww thanks ladies, you are very sweet. Gave me the warm fuzzies. Just thought I should point out I'm not a SAHM. I wish I was but sadly we can't afford for me to be.
We're all human. We all do things we aren't proud of. Many millions of hugs to each and every one of you. Nobody's perfect!
18-03-2011 23:54 #98
I just hope tomorrow I can keep my emotions under control and try to think before I snap at her...
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19-03-2011 00:42 #99
Thank you for starting this thread.
I read it in its entirety, cried, hesitated to post, logged out, thought about the one thing I am so deeply ashamed of and logged back on.
It's nothing different to what has been shared.
The first 6 - 8 months of ds's life were very dark. He woke a lot. He had two surgeries during the first few months. The breastfeeding journey was painful and incredibly difficult. I struggled to cope. On bad nights I would yell, handle him roughly, and smack him over his nappy. I would imagine horrible things. I've had a few of those nights since that period. I am so deeply ashamed of myself that I feel physically ill. I shall never ever ever forgive myself for reaching this point nor do I believe I deserve to be forgiven. There is a part of me that remains changed forever because of these episodes.
I have never hurt my son but there were times where I wanted to. In my sleep deprived and untreated pnd days, I was somebody I neither knew or liked at all. I kept it all so well hidden that even my husband is oblivious. I still cry in the shower over the memories of these nights and blame the soap or current pregnancy hormones.
I often feel like I don't deserve my son nor the child that I carry now.
19-03-2011 01:35 #100I'm on a bubhub break
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
I haven't read all the replies (yet) but thought I'd add my share.
My DD is 8 months in less than a week. And she is my whole world. But I don't feel good enough for her. I know I'm a good mum, but I don't think I'm a good enough person I guess. I have issues from my past that I'm only now getting seen to, I have 101 health issues, 9 out of 10 days I have zero motivation. We live where I don't know really anyone, let alone with kids, so she doesn't have ''friends''.
I also feel terribly guilty that I work and she's in daycare 2 days a week (the other day a week alternates between DP & MIL). The amount of times I've called in sick just to stay with her...
I love her with everything I have, but sometimes I just feel like it isn't enough, and she needs a better role model and better person to be her Mummy. And the thought of ever losing her to that person kills me...
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