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  1. #1
    DaughteroftheForest's Avatar
    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    Mar 2010
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    Default Why must you be so negative???

    My Dad is driving me up the wall lately with his negativity. I've had/got a whole bunch of descions to make, that only *I* can make about pretty integral parts of my daily life and my Dad is constantly putting his opinion forth and it's always negative.

    It started when DP and I started getting back together, which was a massive thing and I took it at the pace that *I* wanted to. We've only been working at it for the past 3 months or so, but it's working and I'm happy. I let Dad say his piece, may times, but after awhile isn't it a bit obvious that even if he thinks it's a bad idea, I'm still going to go right ahead and do what I want to? I can understand being wary, after everything, but I am a grown woman and after everything I've been through in my life, I think I've earnt the right to make my own descions and have them respected.

    Then DS is having trouble at school, so his dad and I sat down together (which is almost unheard of) and sorted out which direction we want to go in regards to his schooling. It's a bit unorthodox (we've decided to home school for the next 4 months and then I'll be moving to an area much closer to a school we feel will be better suited to DS) and Dad went on and on about how we're uprooting, he'll be the new kid in school, shouldn't we just let him settle for a year or two, what happens if the new school isn't what we think it is?. I know these are all valid points but the very fact that we've decided to go ahead with the move means they've been considered and we've decided the benefit outweighs the cost. And then on top of that there's the move itself. Obviously we haven't even considered that the area we want is expensive, or that it'll be a longer commute to see family (Which tbh is starting to look even more appealing). It's like in his mind I've made this one bad descion and now all my descion making must be suspect

    Finally, today I decided that I'd like to go ahead with sorting things out for DP's little sister to move with us. I posted about her earlier today. She's 15, living in some pretty rotten circumstances and her whole family has just thrown up their hands and said "I can't take her because of xyz!'. We've been wanting to take her in for ages but each time we so much as mention it MIL snaps at us that it's not our problem, we have enough on our plate, etc. I was hesitant at first for just that reason, but it's really gotten beyond the point of ridiculous now and it's time someone did something to help the poor kid. So I'm calling around finding out the age of consent to leave home and what will happen if MIL calls the cops to retrieve her. I told my Dad this and he went off on a massive rant about her 'not being your responsability'. WTF? As my bestie pointed out, she may not be my legal responsability but morally and ethically is another thing. He even started on her because she referred to herself as being involved aswell and he was all "Oh no, it's nothing to do with you.". Actually it is, especially seeing as my bestie lives with us, will be moving with us and will at least in part be around to help SIL adjust. It just really gets my bvack up, I'm looking to do a good thing here. I didn't say I thought it would be easy, I didn't say it was something that i didn't want to do, but felt I had to. I'll be doing this because I feel it is the best thing to do, because I can see this girl falling through the cracks and it breaks my heart because she's such a good kid and she's become MY little sister over the past 2 years and I have the ability to change her circumstances.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
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    It sounds like you just need some support from him instead of all the lectures.
    Of course he wants the best for you and he obviously thinks he's making himself heard, but it's unfortunate that he doesn't realise that the manner in which he is expressing himself is actually just pushing you away

    It may be time to stop talking to him about your decisions and just chat about the mundane things?
    I hope all of your decisions work out for the best and to you for being willing to take in your SIL!

  3. #3
    bellalika's Avatar
    bellalika is offline I'm trying my hardest, please don't ask for more.
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    I think he cares a lot for you and is trying to protect you from possible hurt in the future. He may not be going about it in the right way, but it must seem right to him or else he wouldn't continue.

    Try explaining that you need him to support you even if he doesn't support your choices.


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