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  1. #1
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    Unhappy How do other mums get by without support??

    I guess I just wanted to see if there are many mums out there that don't have any or have very little family support and how they handle it.

    My DH works full time (very long hours) and I am at home with the children all day, every day on my own.

    Despite my mum and a sister living 5 minutes from my home, I have very little support.

    My DH and I, when pregnant with DS decided to stay living close to my family for support (it was mainly my decision I must admit). DS was my first child and I was scared I wouldn't know what to do after he was born. In short I didn't get the familial support i thought i would have after he was born and ended up suffering from PND, quite badly. It was really tough on me and my hubby at the time but we seem to have come through it okay and with only a few scars .

    In between DS and DD being born I've come to understand that my own mum is an alcoholic and also abuses prescription and non-prescription painkillers and I know i don't want that around my kids.

    I just don't know how to make it 7 days a week - 24 hours a day without any help at all... Don't get me wrong DH helps when he gets home but there are days where he leaves at 7.00am and doesn't get home until 8.00pm.

    How do you reconcile not having your own mother their to lean on for that support? Are there any other mum's out there (surely there are!!) who do it alone or have a mother that they can't rely on.. How do you keep your sanity???
    TIA

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    I don't have either of my parents to support me but I think that it is different for me, because they have passed away years earlier, I knew that I would only have my DH, my sister and my MIL (limited support because she has poor mobility and is not really the *mothering type*). I don't know the magic bullet to coping, but I think that you need to not put too much pressure on your self, if you can afford it, get some help with the housework, and even if you put the kids into child care for a day a week or whatever works for you, just to give yourself a break.

    Are there other people around you that may be able to help you? Friends, In-laws etc.

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    Firstly It sounds like you are doing a great job in a tough situation.

    I've only got one DS, but I don't have family nearby - both of our families live interstate - and DH also works long hours.

    I kind of figure that as long as DS is healthy and happy, and DH has clean clothes to wear to work, that everything can wait until the weekend if I don't have the energy to deal with it.

    I try to do as much as I can during DS's nap times as I can, but there are days (like today) where I just want to sit on the couch and relax.

    It does help that DH agrees with me (at least for now).

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    Quote Originally Posted by SophiaGrace View Post
    I guess I just wanted to see if there are many mums out there that don't have any or have very little family support and how they handle it.

    My DH works full time (very long hours) and I am at home with the children all day, every day on my own.

    Despite my mum and a sister living 5 minutes from my home, I have very little support.

    My DH and I, when pregnant with DS decided to stay living close to my family for support (it was mainly my decision I must admit). DS was my first child and I was scared I wouldn't know what to do after he was born. In short I didn't get the familial support i thought i would have after he was born and ended up suffering from PND, quite badly. It was really tough on me and my hubby at the time but we seem to have come through it okay and with only a few scars .

    In between DS and DD being born I've come to understand that my own mum is an alcoholic and also abuses prescription and non-prescription painkillers and I know i don't want that around my kids.

    I just don't know how to make it 7 days a week - 24 hours a day without any help at all... Don't get me wrong DH helps when he gets home but there are days where he leaves at 7.00am and doesn't get home until 8.00pm.

    How do you reconcile not having your own mother their to lean on for that support? Are there any other mum's out there (surely there are!!) who do it alone or have a mother that they can't rely on.. How do you keep your sanity???
    TIA
    I am sorry you are going through this, I don't have support off mum cos she died when I was a kid, bit different to your situation. Can you put your kids in daycare or something even just a few hours a week? My youmger ones go to occasional care for 5 hours every Tuesday, it's great.

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    you poor bugger!!!


    I do everything alone...
    I have a 2.9yr old and a 6week old and for the past 6 weeks, i have been doing it alone. DF lives with his parents during the week as its too far from here to get to work, so i only have him here friday/saturday nights.

    My mother lives on the other side of the country, and my dad lives an hour away and i see him once every 3 or so weeks on a weekend. DF's parents live about an hour and a half away and they don't come up here unless they have to.

    other than all of those people, i dont have anyone elses help. I do it all alone.

    I am lucky that as of monday DF is now going to be staying here during the week as he is working overtime to be able to pay to get to and from work from here. but really, he is not much help when it comes down to it. He really just wants to relax when he is home and not do anything. which i can understand. DS is breastfed so its not like he can do anything to help in the middle of the night.

    soo, your inital question...
    "How do other mums get by without support??"
    I just do, because i have no other choice and have not known any different since becoming a mother

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    Ever since DS was born it's just been us three, my IL live close by but are of very little help and my dad lives 30 minutes away but has my other brothers and sisters to deal with, so we do it on our own. That being said, DH works full time all though he is not away as much as yours is, but I do spend most of the time me and bubs.
    There are days I don't cope, but overall I think I do pretty good, well I feel good but I am very purposfull about it. I do housework in the morning while DS is in a good mood, while he is asleep I do my stuff, I make sure we go for walks when the weather is good and I make sure I stay connected, we have playgroup and church, but I also have facebook for friends and bubhub to connect with other parents.
    I keep my brain, body and spirit active so I'm not running on empty. I try not to get too negative about things (although I throw myself the occasional chocolate filled pity party) and have just learnt that I need to do whatever works for my family, and if family is not apart of that, then that's the way it is.
    Just remember you are doing an amazing job and so is your DH. Find little things that you can do for yourself, reading, writting, magazines, special TV shows, takeaway night, strolls to the park, livingroom zumba, whatever!
    Take care of yourself, and hey theres always people here who'll encourage, answer, laugh and cry with you!

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    You just do, because you have to.

    I have a 4 month old daughter, my family is all interstate. DH's family is pretty much non-supportive, they do the odd thing when it suits them but not much.

    It is hard. Really hard. I'm currently sitting next to T's cot trying to get her to sleep. She's been screaming for an hour, no sign of stopping and she has been waking up hourly for the last 4 nights. DH is at work, he left at 7:30 this morning and I won't see him til 6:30 this evening.

    You just do what you have to do and ignore the rest basically.

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    Basically, I just don't know any different!!

    It was a bit of a shock to the system when DD was first born and I realised that family that were visiting from interstate would go back to their normal lives and DH would go back to working crazy long hours and it would be just me caring for this tiny baby. Took a couple of months to get used to that one.

    But when deciding to have DS, I decided based on could I handle caring for 2 children essentially by myself and I decided I could. And I still believe that. I'm just used to it and honestly, as I said I don't know any different.

    These days, it suits me. We have our routines and everything ticks over quite nicely and it actually drives me nuts when DH has time off work and can help out because I'm used to my independence IYKWIM.

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    My parents and sister live interstate but only 3 hours away so I saw them often when DD was younger. I'd drive down when I needed a break and stay there for a week with DD. It really helped as DH worked still works long hours. Now that DD is in school I can't do that anymore apart from school holidays.

    I don't have any support here so I've pretty much raised DD on my own since she was born and I expect to do the same with the new baby.

    I can't really do anything about it, it's just the way it is. Sometimes I actually prefer it when it's just me and DD, she acts up more when DH is around, she's better behaved with me.


 

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