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    Default don't want more kids, so why am i so upset about dh having snip?

    we've got 3 gorgeous, healthy, great kids aged 4, 2.5, and 7 months. after the last one i was alright with the decision to have no more, she was a perfect birth, great pregnancy so i was happy with the ending, especially since she wasn't too easy for 5 months until the dr's finally believed she had a milk intolerance and gave me special formula and she finally settled.
    so theni get all clucky again and realistically know i probably wouldn't handle 4.

    the biggest reason dh doesn't want a 4th is because he already has 2. ss is 19 9living with us as you probably see from my posts) sd is 12 and we have her 30%.
    i told dh the other day if there wasn't the other 2, i would ask for one more. he said yeh, 4 is a good number, oh well. he told someone else if we only had our 3 he'd have another one with me. but anyway, he went for his 1st appoinment about the snip and it's booked in for the 17th march.
    last ngiht he was telling me that he saw someone he knew from ages ago and he was asking how many kids did we have etc, and dh told him WE have 5 kids, but i'm putting a stop to anymore next month. when he told me this i got really sad and had to stop myself from crying. i said no offence honey, but YOU have 5 kids, WE have 3. his other 2 are part of the family, and i call them sister and brother to our kids, but sorry, they are not mine and i don't appreciate that he tells people they are. i am kind of resentful of the fact that becuase of them we can't have anymore. i do'nt resent them for it more dh's behaviour. and i do totally get that dh is over havign kids which is why i would never question having 1 more but just had to get it out there how i was feeling so anyone else who feels the same can tell me all will be ok and its just a phase i'm going through.

  2. #2
    macncheese's Avatar
    macncheese is offline "What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it." Author Unknown
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    Oh Musicalmummy I could not read and not post...


    I can kind of understand how you feel even though my DH had the snip done before we got together. We had our DS through IVF. It took a lot of convincing for DH to agree to another round of IVF his reasoning being "I already have 3..." Yes DH but I only have 1.

    But I suppose it stems similar feelings, you may not WANT anymore NOW.. but that may change a couple of years in the future. BUT it may not.

    I think the fact that once it is done you have lost "control" over it. I understand that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by macncheese View Post
    Oh Musicalmummy I could not read and not post...



    I think the fact that once it is done you have lost "control" over it. I understand that.
    true!!
    i know someone who had to beg for a 4th, as her dh already had 2 plus their 3. he told her she has to have tubes tied once this one was born. she did. he left her 10 months later!! she doesn't want anymore at all, but the fact that she doesn't have a choice or control over it kills her.

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    I get where you're coming from re: the snip. I only ever wanted 4 kids, but when I found out my first child had to be born via c-section and the doctor said 3-4 c-sections only, I cried at the loss of potential and opportunities it would mean for us, even if we didn't want more, it was nice knowing we could if we wanted to.

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    Must be different for men because my dh says that WE have 6 children all the time and 4 aren't 'his'l. He has no qualms at all to include them as being 'our' children. He would love to have more of his own being as how he only has 2 but he understands that it's my body and that ultimately I'm the one who needs to make that decision for my body. So I've had my tubes tied.

    Maybe you feel this way because you didn't give birth to the other 2 kids and so don't feel like their 'yours' completely whereas for a guy, they must feel differently because they don't give birth to them.

    Weird.

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    I am not in Ur situation yet but I can totally see how u feel.
    It is one thing to not want more. But another to not be able to have more.
    It is a huge emotional decision, and Ur dh is probably not being as understanding as he should be. It must be hard for him though. U are his family. Ur three kids are his family. But so are his other two. So I guess for him his family contains five kids. But it is hard for him to distinguish between his family with you and ur step kids especially because u care for them so much.
    I hope u can speak to him and sort it all out. It is not too late!


 

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