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  1. #11
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    you can be empathic as you like but its never the same as the actual experience

    surely with your own experiences you would get what I meant without the need to be offended

    you would have experienced yourself the comments people make thinking that they are helping you feel better when simply putting their foot in their mouth

    that is what I meant about don't forget care as much as you need to but its not your experience its theirs just the same as your experiences

    we also had a loss but I never claim to understand what others so through with their pain

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    I agree Grinnys!!!

    I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with our bub conceived via IVF. Our journey was relatively short we found out we were pregnant almost exactly 12 months after we first started trying naturally. We have friends who are pregnant currently and it took them exactly the same amount of time even though they have no fertility issues!

    We turned to IVF for male factor infertility issues and were successful on our first try. We have never lost any babies, and i imagine that's harder than not being able to get pregnant in the first place. That feeling of failure that you have when you are forced to turn to IVF is the same for someone who's still failing while trying on their own i think!

    I LOVE the IVF section of this forum and found it a bottomless pool of inspiration and comfort when we were cycling. . . now i'm pregnant . . . i prefer this section because well. . . i just want to be a normal pregnant person and not to continue to feel like a science experiment!

    There are certainly aspects of the IVF process that you can only REALLY be understood by another IVFer. The scans and injections and the effect they have on you and the invasion of your privacy and your body. You just have to let ALL of that go and be able to laugh about it. I have a couple of friends who are NON IVFers who were an AMAZING support to me through this process though and who i felt really understood me and what i was going through emotionally even though the process was a little foreign to them.

    Once we were successful i had this feeling of disbelief that it was all too easy and something was going to happen to burst the bubble. I kept repeating Home pregnancy tests firstly to reassure myself that all was still well and secondly i got such a buzz from seeing those two lines come up time and time again. I had a lot of anxiety until 12 weeks . . . i thought those things could be chalked up to IVF. . . BUT i have seen a lot of girls who fell pregnant naturally go through similar things in this section of the forum. I find it comforting and amusing and reassures me that i am just a normal pregnant person! hehe


    I do however, use the IVF as an excuse to overindulge on pregnancy and baby gear and experiences. My DH tells me that even without the IVF i simply would have found another excuse but would still behave the same and buy just as many things!!! hehehe

    Anyway, i feel as though i havent' explained myself very well but . . . to conclude. . .i agree with Grinnys

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by overitand36 View Post
    you can be empathic as you like but its never the same as the actual experience

    surely with your own experiences you would get what I meant without the need to be offended

    you would have experienced yourself the comments people make thinking that they are helping you feel better when simply putting their foot in their mouth

    that is what I meant about don't forget care as much as you need to but its not your experience its theirs just the same as your experiences

    we also had a loss but I never claim to understand what others so through with their pain

    TBH I think your post is unnecessary.

    This thread was created to better understand what my friend will be going through, not to stake claims I already know?????
    I do understand how painful failing to TTC can be. I do NOT claim to completely understand her pain- but i'd like to try to be a supportive caring friend to her.




    Back to topic:
    Thanks to those who have answered my post.
    I really do admire your determination & strength and apprectiate its been a long hard emotional rollercoaster for many, probably all of you.
    I fear for my friend, because of the post's ive read in the IVF threads.
    Im worried That she is going to get her hopes up, then be shattered if it doesn't happen the first go.
    I know its her journey & I cant prevent her pain.. what will be will be.. I was hoping to get an idea of how long it may take - I thought I could be way off thinking it might take a while- could happen first go.. I really have no idea, thats why ive asked

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by cocosmum View Post
    I agree Grinnys!!!

    I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with our bub conceived via IVF. Our journey was relatively short we found out we were pregnant almost exactly 12 months after we first started trying naturally. We have friends who are pregnant currently and it took them exactly the same amount of time even though they have no fertility issues!

    We turned to IVF for male factor infertility issues and were successful on our first try. We have never lost any babies, and i imagine that's harder than not being able to get pregnant in the first place. That feeling of failure that you have when you are forced to turn to IVF is the same for someone who's still failing while trying on their own i think!

    I LOVE the IVF section of this forum and found it a bottomless pool of inspiration and comfort when we were cycling. . . now i'm pregnant . . . i prefer this section because well. . . i just want to be a normal pregnant person and not to continue to feel like a science experiment!

    There are certainly aspects of the IVF process that you can only REALLY be understood by another IVFer. The scans and injections and the effect they have on you and the invasion of your privacy and your body. You just have to let ALL of that go and be able to laugh about it. I have a couple of friends who are NON IVFers who were an AMAZING support to me through this process though and who i felt really understood me and what i was going through emotionally even though the process was a little foreign to them.

    Once we were successful i had this feeling of disbelief that it was all too easy and something was going to happen to burst the bubble. I kept repeating Home pregnancy tests firstly to reassure myself that all was still well and secondly i got such a buzz from seeing those two lines come up time and time again. I had a lot of anxiety until 12 weeks . . . i thought those things could be chalked up to IVF. . . BUT i have seen a lot of girls who fell pregnant naturally go through similar things in this section of the forum. I find it comforting and amusing and reassures me that i am just a normal pregnant person! hehe


    I do however, use the IVF as an excuse to overindulge on pregnancy and baby gear and experiences. My DH tells me that even without the IVF i simply would have found another excuse but would still behave the same and buy just as many things!!! hehehe

    Anyway, i feel as though i havent' explained myself very well but . . . to conclude. . .i agree with Grinnys
    How brilliant you fell first go
    Dont worry I'm still paraniod something will go wrong & I'm 25 weeks. Having trouble concieving a healthy baby has made this pregnancy a whole different experience for me. I still have awful nightmares of bleeding & I still check every time I wipe
    My due date for our second baby was this month & even though im pregnant I still felt the loss.
    I think when you have had trouble you have a different appreciation for the pregnancy too.
    I was talking to my friend yesterday & she was going over the ins & outs of IVF and i was like wow, its all very complicated!!!
    I can appreciate the toll ivf can take on a person, being invasive etc, but I honestly think she couldnt give a toss about that (right now anyway), she just wants a baby & im sure would be willing to do pretty much anything to get one!
    Congratulations on your pregnancy

  6. #15
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    I think the IVF section of this forum CAN give people the wrong impression. . . there are some poor girls and couples who have had to endure 18 and 19 cycles before they had success and quite a few who have done between 5 - 10 cycles!!!

    I read through all the statistics and psychologically and emotionally geared myself up for three cycles. I tried to think that i wouldn't consider or think of failure until we'd completed three cycles. When i said that to the counsellor at our clinic she told me that was a very pragmatic and sensible thing to do.

    It's important to be positive about the process and the experience (i think that plays a part in the success) but it's also important to be realistic.

    I hope your friend's IVF journey is as smooth and as speedy as mine!

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  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by cocosmum View Post
    I think the IVF section of this forum CAN give people the wrong impression. . . there are some poor girls and couples who have had to endure 18 and 19 cycles before they had success and quite a few who have done between 5 - 10 cycles!!!

    I read through all the statistics and psychologically and emotionally geared myself up for three cycles. I tried to think that i wouldn't consider or think of failure until we'd completed three cycles. When i said that to the counsellor at our clinic she told me that was a very pragmatic and sensible thing to do.

    It's important to be positive about the process and the experience (i think that plays a part in the success) but it's also important to be realistic.

    I hope your friend's IVF journey is as smooth and as speedy as mine!
    I said to her yesterday that i thought it was really positive in terms of IVF sucess that their reasons were due to low sperm count.
    I said i didnt want to come across insensitive, its not good they've had so much trouble and they are having to go down the rd of ivf but i've read about lots of women who have far more complex issues than theirs, again not trying to sound insensitive, but I feel they have a great chance.
    I also said I hope it happens first try, but sometimes it takes a couple of goes so dont give up, it will happen
    I tried to word whay I said very carefully.. Its hard!!!
    She is pretty confident they will suceed, as they have no 'real problems'

    I really really hope for them it happens first go, that would be so great.
    I wish I could spare her the disappointment of it not happening..
    its not fair that its so hard.

  9. #17
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    Grinnyswife I think it's so beautiful that you even started this thread for your friend and are trying so hard to understand by asking people who have been through it. I wish I had friends like you on my journey as I had
    no one and lost alot of friends due to them
    NOT understanding and getting angry with
    me for going through things they just did not
    understand. As much as yes it can be hard
    unless you've been through it but atleast your trying. Your friends are so lucky to gave you

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  11. #18
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    *to have you*

    OMG stupid iPhone

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoCo View Post
    Grinnyswife I think it's so beautiful that you even started this thread for your friend and are trying so hard to understand by asking people who have been through it. I wish I had friends like you on my journey as I had
    no one and lost alot of friends due to them
    NOT understanding and getting angry with
    me for going through things they just did not
    understand. As much as yes it can be hard
    unless you've been through it but atleast your trying. Your friends are so lucky to gave you
    Loco I cannot fathom anyone not supporting a friend who is going through the emotional turmoil of failing to conceive.
    I feel awful that you had nobody I bet you and your DH have a much stronger relationship now..? I know when I've felt unsupported through things I have been so glad to have DH to lean on. I had some pretty ordinary comments made when I had lost my babies.. At least you already have 2 kids (I wasnt greiving for them) There was something wrong with it, its for the best (it never feels like its for the best when you loose a baby) At least you werent too far along.. You will have another one... felt like screaming some days!!
    I read a thread recently actually where someones friends all turned on her saying it was a bit 'extreme' to be doing IVF!!! (derr it is pretty extreme, imagine being in her shoes!)
    Far out! what is wrong with these people?
    I guess at the end of the day you learnt who your real friends were.

  13. #20
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    Thanks Grinnyswife
    Yes DH and I DID become very close with IVF. Like I said I love ivf for so many reasons. (at the time you hate it though lol)
    Yes I did realize who my friends were I wasn't left with many. They were mean
    I wouldn't change a thing though I am so happy
    Sending lots of baby dust to your friends For 2011 ......


 

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