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  1. #1
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    Default Did you labour without a support person?

    My husband hasn't been that nice lately and I am starting to think I don't want him with me when I go to hospital.
    Did you have a baby without a support person? Was it harder?
    He didn't really do anything the last two times anyway, so I am wondering if it will make any difference if I don't have him there this time around.
    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Hey hun... I dont have any children of my own (TTC)... But my MIL has recently had a conversation about this with me!...

    FIL wasnt at the birth of the last child as they were drifting apart... And she regrets it. Mostly because she feels he hasnt bonded with the baby as much as the other two.

    HOW EVER in saying that, i have thought long and hard about the birth of my future children... and even though i would prefer to have an elective c-section for mental health reasons, if i WERE to birth naturally, i would not want DP in the room until the last moments....

    I hope you and your DH work something out..... Have you got anyone else close to you that you could have in there with you? Your mum? Sister? SIL? Best friend?...


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    My last labour was that quick my Dp had to hold our DD who was not yet two out in waiting area cos she was too little to watch so i didn't have him for the hour but it went that quick it was ok my dad got there just in time for him to walk in and see me push out dd2 it would have been good if he had of been there the whole time but at least he got to see the important part, if u really don't want him there do what u feel u want, u will only have that birth once so u may feel bad about it later because it is such an important event.

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    DH was present at DD's birth (along with -what felt like- a million doctors and nurses) but looking back now (and if we ever have number two) Im thinking I will go it alone.

    Like you, DH didnt really do 'anything', not because he didnt want to or didnt try but because i didnt want him to. I didnt want anyone. I just wanted everyone to go away so I could crawl around on the floor like a dying animal in peace no, but seriously. I knew it was going to be a 'hands off' labour as the contractions started 24 hours before DD was born and that whole time I was saying 'Dont look at me, stop talking to me, dont touch me, go away'. I would probably still have him or my mum at the hospital though just incase I changed my mind.

    That said, if your thinking about excluding you DH because he has upset you I think you should think very long and hard about it because its likely you will eventually forgive him and then feel very guilty about depriving him of this very special moment

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    I have been thinking a lot about this the last little bit, I will definitely have him there, I wouldn't be able to tell him he couldn't come.
    For some reason I turn into a bit of a cow when I am pregnant. I remember feeling the exact same way with our DS, I didn't want him there, but I remember onece I was in labour I changed my mind. I'm sure I want him there, I just don't think I know it yet if that makes sense.

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    I'm like lionheart (don't want any talking or touching) but like you, I could never tell my husband he couldn't be there.

    Pregnancy makes me a cow, too. I hate being pregnant and the hormones do nasty things to me! It always feels like DH doesn't care enough, is being selfish etc. but when I look back on it I feel I was a bit harsh on him.

    Not long now. Good luck.

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    I did

    My XP was being a total d!ck and TBH I really didn't want him there.
    So I got him to drop me at the hospy, I got my own bag out of the car myself and took myself off to have the baby, alone.
    I still to this day don't regret it. He certainly didn't have the right to be there, it is a privilege and after 9 months of hearing how totally uninterested he was, I did it myself.

    You can do it. Don't feel pressured into having someone in there with you that you aren't happy about

    Good Luck

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    My hubbie and my sister

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    Have you considered having someone else there? friend, mum, sister? Just in case you end up having an emergency Csection or something u may want someone there, but I agree with Cicho you are under no obligation for your partner to be there. It may make it worse if he is there and you are feeling tense towards him.


 

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