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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by tootiredtosleep View Post
    I pick my battles and never make a threat that I can't/won't follow through with.

    It's hard at times, we have dropped everything and walked out of shops after a few warnings, but I believe in sticking to what I have saíd. (makes me stop and think rather than offer empty threats and still not achieve anything).
    I think that's important. Don't say things you don't mean.

    Saying 'no no no no no okay yes'

    I think sends a bad message, as does 'do that one more time and we'll go home!' and they do it six more times without punishment.

    I don't think that's an ideal approach.

    But I also get being at the end of ones tether and not making ideal parenting choices.

    Its something I'm learning. I say 'no booby' and then let him feed. So I'm giving him the message that with boob no doesn't mean anything.

    But this parenting caper is hard!

  2. #22
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    I am stuck right in the middle of this right now....

    O and J are absolute downright turds lately.

    Gabriel is just the most gorgeous sensitive caring kid

    Julian is whingy and stubborn, but generous and empathetic

    I had a girlfriend over yesterday and O and J were HORRID.

    They KNOW how to behave

    They KNOW they're going to get sent to their room/denied privileges/have time out. etc etc...

    but they still do it.

    They amp up much more when DH is home, coz his response to everything is "here, have junk food/chocolate/ice cream and stop bugging me" it drives me CRAZY... coz now all they ever do when DH is home is bug and annoy and tantrum until he yells and them and gives them chocolate.

    I don't understand why he can't just say 'NO"

    As much as they are being little turnpikes right now... they don't push me if I say 'no'. But they are so mean to their little brothers, and speak rudely to me...

    even when my friend here yesterday she was trying to help out with reigning them in... and they just did not respond... to the point where I said to her "What can I DO with this??????" and she honestly could not come up with a single answer.

    It's so disheartening... coz when they are good they are angels...

    So I came up with a reward chart thing (they are only 5 after all) and they seem to really like that... were brilliant all afternoon... then as soon as DH gets home... it's the same "can we have.... " "leave me alone" can we have... "why are you bugging me as soon as I get home?" can we have.... "For god's sake, take a chocolate and go watch TV!!" (while he complains that I haven't taken the towels out of the drier.... sorry I've been minding 5 children all day, tended to a pretty major bike accident, made dinner, done all the washing, run the bath, cleaned the toilet, vacuumed... I just hadn't got to the towels yet... didn't ASK you to do it mind you... you did that yourself.... grrr.....)

    It's so painful. I know DH is stressed with work/study/lack of sleep... but the inconsistent behaviour management is just NOT WORKING FOR ME!)

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoarsomeMum View Post
    I think we are raising a generation who's want's and needs regardless of our views of the importance of them are acknowledged. Raising a generation of loved and respected kids who not only curb their behaviour for the benefit of all but have leaned WHY.. I can only see good resulting from that.
    Whole heartedly agree.

    Sometimes I watch parents who negotiate with their toddlers and acknowledge their opinions and feelings in such a better way than I do and I feel jealous of their energy and persistence.

    I do wonder how much is nature or nurture.

    My parents were way stricter on my brother because they HAD to be. I was never disciplined because there was never a reason to. My brother ran away from home at 15. I didn't even know I could disobey my parents till I was 15. It didn't occur to me.

    But my parents were always so on top of my brothers behavior and whenever I did anything I always got away with it.

  4. #24
    Nowhere's Avatar
    Nowhere is offline Winner 2007- Most Supportive Of Feeding Other-Than-Breast Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by threechooks View Post
    I think it depends how often you pick your battles..If its rarely do children know where they stand? Is it often enough that they know what is expected?
    I defo pick my battles, I will put my foot down and win on things like having ehr blood sugar done, having her dressings done, having her nappy changed, doing her physio, doing her OT, doing her ST, sitting safely in her car seat or wheelchair, saying please and thankyou.

    I will give her that extra ten minuutes in fact i alow for it, I say to her 10 min before I wantto finish an activety ok Mikenzee time to pack up, She goes ahhh ten more minutes, I say ok just ten minutes then I start slowly pack ing up for the ten minutes About wanting a new toy it depends sometimes she will get one, Some times she will not some days im preparared for the tantrum some days im really not and I would rather deal with mums saying behind my back OMG did you here that she gave into her kid so easy, Then say NO you are not having it and cause a seen of her kicking ans creaming like banche and holding her breath and puking as she does, and the judgemental judies would still be looking on saying OMG she cant contol that kid lalallala

    So yer i pick my battles there are plenty i have to have day in day out i aint gona make more for my self, My child knows the world isnt fantastic and all rosey and wonderful she knows what the real world is like with out me making a stance on eveyr thing

  5. #25
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    I tend to give Jasper a 10 minute *warning* I don't just say 'time to go' because if he says no, then it's a drama. But I give him a pre-warning it tends to go down better. Or he feels like he did negotiate and convince me, but really I planned to stay 10 more minutes anyway.

    But I ask, I say 'do you want to go home now? - okay ten more minutes'

  6. #26
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    I'd just like to applaud Babelfish completely with what she's saying and I'm hoping that my 18 month old will be like that.

    He's already learning to share, it took a few attempts, but no tantrums and he just handed over the toy quite nicely and walked away and played with his toy. I was so proud of the little tyke

    He does have his tantrums tho (I think he's starting early lol)
    And I just let him do it. Get it out of his system.
    If it's a really bad one and we are at home he goes to his room. He usually calms down after about a minute

    If we're out I just pick him up and walk out of where we are
    Noone likes a screaming toddler, me included (lol) so I just remove him from the situation

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by threechooks View Post
    God I am hearing this a lot lately! I have many friends with 2 year olds and this seems to be the trend. I am often seen as a strict parent because I expect a certain standard of behaviour especially in public.

    eg. tantrum cause they dont want to leave playground...ok 10 more minutes then
    eg. tantrum cause they want a new toy...ok i'll buy it then

    DH and I have drawn a line in the sand for all behaviour....don't get me wrong he tries pushing boundaries everyday but he is pulled back into line. I try my best to be consistent and my DH is better at it than me.

    My discussion point is...Are we raising a generation of self-indulgent children who will get their own way all the time??? What effect will this have in the future?
    I think we are raising a culture of judgmental women who confuse their idea and opinion, as the only way/right way.
    Last edited by nothanksbye; 14-01-2011 at 18:43.

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  9. #28
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    I would say 90% of the time I am pretty firm with the kids. However sure their are days where I and they are both tired and all of us feel like having a tantrum.

    When it happens I pretty much give in because they are usually so cooperative. Kids are just like us. Sometimes we get stressed or yell or demand things and feel overwhelmed that we can't control a situation.

    So I guess I'm one of those parents who when out and about with my little army, I just give in. Because at the end of the day it's a few more minutes in the park, not a part of their everyday behaviour.

  10. #29
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    Mrs Molly Coddle is offline I've admitted in writing that veve is awesome - eeek she has proof!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by AgnesRonald&Beryl'sMum View Post
    I think we are raising a culture of judgmental women who confuse their idea and opinion, as the only way/right way.
    Ha! Love it.

  11. #30
    threechooks's Avatar
    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Quote Originally Posted by AgnesRonald&Beryl'sMum View Post
    I think we are raising a culture of judgmental women who confuse their idea and opinion, as the only way/right way.
    You are so predictable...


 

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