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  1. #1
    threechooks's Avatar
    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Default Its just easier to let them do what they want!

    God I am hearing this a lot lately! I have many friends with 2 year olds and this seems to be the trend. I am often seen as a strict parent because I expect a certain standard of behaviour especially in public.

    eg. tantrum cause they dont want to leave playground...ok 10 more minutes then
    eg. tantrum cause they want a new toy...ok i'll buy it then

    DH and I have drawn a line in the sand for all behaviour....don't get me wrong he tries pushing boundaries everyday but he is pulled back into line. I try my best to be consistent and my DH is better at it than me.

    My discussion point is...Are we raising a generation of self-indulgent children who will get their own way all the time??? What effect will this have in the future?

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    I know what you mean! The sales assistant in Pumpkin Patch on the weekend asked my 2.5yr old DD if she wanted a balloon, and she said she did. And then she refused point blank to say Thank you for it, so I made her give it back and we left without it. We're having enough terrible 2 moments at the moment, that it would be easier to just give in, but I figure if I keep my expectations of good manners and behaviour constant, at least she knows where I stand. You're not the only one!

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    I do believe that we are in many ways. But I am also a reasonably lenient parent who is strict about some things - if that makes sense.

    I am trying to raise my children to be considerate of others. To have good manners, to be thoughtful and kind. To share and to wait their turn. To be told no sometimes and to miss out on things.

    That being said, I do like to allow them to have some power over the decisions they make. I am willing to be reasonable and also compromise with them, so that they know that they have influence over their environment, which in turn teaches them right from wrong and how to actually MAKE decisions.

    So, my daughter is allowed to choose, for example, the pyjamas she wants to wear to bed and what to take to bed with her, whether or not she wants her milk in a cup or a sippy cup. If she's very heavily involved in an activity right before bed time I put a clock in front of her and tell her that when the big hand gets to a certain number things will go away and it's time for bed. This gives her some warning and also some flexibility to finish the task that is important to her.

    She is 2.5 and she is going to have tantrums. She's going to get frustrated and angry when she feels thwarted. I try to understand this, too, and therefore I don't punish her for this kind of behaviour, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate it, either. I try to allow her the ability to give vent to her frustrations by teaching her to express them in a way that is more appropriate.

    I don't use a million words or try to negotiate everything with her, and yes, this method takes longer.

    BUT. IT. WORKS.

    She has exquisite manners. She says `excuse me' before she interrupts (and yes, that doesn't mean that she won't say `excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me a hundred times without waiting - but she's only 2, that will come). Yesterday I was crying about something that really upset me and it meant that when I was singing her a song my voice was wobbling. She stopped me, stroked my hair and said `what are you sad about Mummy? Don't cry, it will be ok'. And then later that night when I was singing her her lullaby, she stroked my hair again and said `don't be sad again Mummy'.

    Yesterday my DH took the dogs to the beach without shoes and burnt his feet quite badly. He told me about it in front of her and without a word she went and got some `cream' from her room (Baby Vicks, but hey, it's the thought that counts) and said `I'll fix your toes for you Daddy', rubbed some cream on the top of his foot, kissed his toes and said `there, you're all better'.

    Yesterday she met some new `friends' and there were a couple of tantrums over sharing and snatching and pushing and so forth. No, she didn't get into trouble (and neither did the other child). They're 2. It's normal. What DID happen, however, was that they were separated, and each were told that it was sharing or nothing.

    Five minutes later she came up to me and said `Mummy, can I please share Jack's guitar?' I took her over to him, asked him if it was ok, and he said yes. Then my DD got another toy and gave it to him and said `there, you play with that'.

    So it's working, and she's learning.

    And THAT is what I believe teaches children not to be spoiled and entitled. And THAT is what I believe is really lacking. Not necessarily punishment and discipline, but teaching children, simply, to have good manners and to think of others as well as themselves.

    I hope that made sense! Sorry for the ramble ...

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    No. Every generation says that about the next.

    I do believe that children just mimic adults and with some of the behaviours I see and hear from adults, no wonder people think children are out of hand!

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    I pick my battles

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pina Colada View Post
    I pick my battles
    that's what we will be doing too.

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    Sometimes you gotta pick your battles.

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  13. #8
    threechooks's Avatar
    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pina Colada View Post
    I pick my battles
    I think it depends how often you pick your battles..If its rarely do children know where they stand? Is it often enough that they know what is expected?

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    It really depends on the situation. If we were at the playground, and they wanted 10 more minutes and all I really had planned was to go home and jump on facebook then we'd stay the extra 10 minutes. If we had somewhere to go, an appointment to make etc. then we would leave.

    I think the most important thing is that a reason is given for the decision, rather then a flat out, no we are not, or yes we are (ie. I am sorry but we won't be able to stay longer at the playground today, Mummy has an appointment. I know we stayed longer yesterday, but we had the extra time yesterday, but we don't today....)

    My kids don't throw tantrums (there is some occasional whining and protesting) so I'm happy with how things are going.

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    Time to go at the park, 'no!' okay 10 more minutes I think is a reasonable negotiation with a 2 year old.

    I'd then give a 5 minute warning, then in the pram no further negotiating.

    I dunno, I'm probably a pretty relaxed parent, I'm not strict.

    I don't buy him all the toys he wants - I can't afford to anyway.

    I stopped seeing a friend after she wouldn't let Jasper have something until he said please... I didn't teach him to say please and thank you. Barely ever have even asked him to say please and thank you. Yet he's learned through me always saying please and thank you he now often says please and thank you. To me. At home. He's my silent wonder in public.

    I'm sure people look at Jasper and me and I KNOW some friends have thoughts on my discipline or lack thereof, or my lack of 'control' over him regarding sleep.

    I know I'm raising a sweet kind normal toddler,

    Different strokes for different folks,

    And as for raising the next generation, I'm a gen Y mum, my child doesn't stand a chance really. My generation is apparently spoilt, entitled, self indulgent - I don't really see how the next generation could apparently be worse.

    Maybe they'll take their parents as a cautionary tale


 

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