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  1. #1
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    Default 6 months on. does the emotional scar ever heal

    hi

    I knew that I was hurting emotionally after the C-Section but 6 months on the wound still feels just as fresh. A family friend had a "normal" vaginal birth on NYE. We were at a rooftop party when I heard the news, and I just felt so down when the reality sunk in. I hate the fact that I have been left with this permanent reminder. why do things never work out, all I had wanted was a drug free vaginal delivery......

  2. #2
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    I hated my scar so much so that I could not look at it for almost a year!

  3. #3
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    I don't know. Jaspers 2 years old and about 6 months ago I burst out crying watching Telly because the blond girl from glee went into labour. I was so jealous that I started crying. It's a character on tv.

    It does suck that forever there will be a scar I wish it would go away.



    I'm hoping to get pregnant soon and have a vbac. I do hope that *heals* me some more.

    but 2 years on I'm still pretty bitter about it

  4. #4
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    Oh hun!

    Big fat hugs to you... I know exactly what you're feeling... for me however, my scar never affected me... the fact that I had to have a C-section affected me the most... after 12 hours of labour, we needed to go to surgery for an emergency C-section, I knew it was the only way I was going to get my little girl out... but I sobbed and sobbed all the way to theatre, and for about 3 days afterwards... for ages I felt like I had failed my little girl, like I had given her a cr*p start to life... I thought I would never ever begin to feel 'okay' about having a C-section... about 6-7 months later, I did actually start to feel a little bit okay, and that feeling got better and better... now don't get me wrong, I still feel sad that I never got to birth her naturally, or never will get to birth any future children naturally, and yes, if I'm watching a TV show or a baby show on bl00dy Foxtel, and the woman delivers naturally, I get teary... but you know, I do feel okay about it; I don't think the emotional hurt EVER goes away, but I do think it fades... I am now 6 weeks pregnant with #2 and honestly, I am looking forward to my C-section, I can't wait! I look at my little girl everyday and know how much I love her and how much she loves me and in that one moment, nothing else matters... and you know what, my SIL is due to give birth anyday now (induced on Tuesday if nothing happens), and I hope and pray she has a natural birth, but I also know that if she does, I am going to be so gutted (but I hope I can stay positive and happy, and remember that I did the right thing for my daughter)... You feel robbed, you feel cheated, you feel just like it isn't bl00dy God damn fair!!! But I promise, I really really do promise, the emotional healing will come, time is a great healer...
    A.
    xo

  5. #5
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    Birth experinces are so hard, because a lot does not go to plan. I don't know if this will help or not, but I hope it does... for the first year IRL I was telling anyone who asked that I had a normal vaginal birth and that the bets moment of my life was holding my daughter when all of that pain turned to bliss. This was not a lie, but the other part of the story is...

    I tore so badly that I didn't heal for months, my pelvis was pushed apart. I was blacking out and vomiting from pain, I was frozen in fear, feeling out of my body for a lot of the end of the birth, hearing strange animal noises and hacking sobs, then I realised it was me making that noise. I had nightmares for months. When I fell pregnant again I was crippled with the anxiety I felt. I then found out that my "natural birthing experience" had left me with severe prolapse which was the source of all my pain and discomfort that no midwife/GP had picked up in the 8 months since having my baby until I was pregnant with #2 and there was no mistaking my bits falling out. I then chose a c-section because of this. I healed within weeks, I was empowered, I was alert for my baby, not numb with pain and nightmares.

    I too felt sick to my guts hearing about somone giving birth with no complications, especially my sisters home briths. I was told by women who knew the real birth story that the way my first birth ended up was my fault for not educating myself (I was actually ready to go with hypno birth, videos, endless research and reading, I do not think I could have been more "educated").

    Please do not blame yourself. I know you can't help but mourn your birth not being what you dreamt of, I think a lot of women feel this way. I feel this away about having a vaginal birth. I think of my daily pain and all the money being spent on finding a cure, and seeing dr's about my pro-lapse and some times I cry myself to sleep kicking myself that I didn't know that my baby would destroy my body and why didn't I have two perfect c-sections. I look at my uterus, bladder and bowel coming out of my vagina and then look at my neat c-section scar, and I hate myself so much for my vaginal birth.

    Funny enough, if I had of had a c-section the first time I know I would be writing the same post as you... in tears over never having experienced a natural birth. I think us women have to know that we did what we could... I would say to forgive yourself and know it was for the best, but as you can see, I would be hypocritical to say that because I still cry over my experience too!

    I hope you feel better soon, here's to 2011 being a great year

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    I am still wondering the same thing. The scar itself does not bother me. But more the thought I gave up and should have tried labour. A year on the same thoughts havnt really gone but I don't think about it as much. Hopefully talking about it helps you somehow. I know how frustrating it is to hear " as long as you and bub are safe" all the best : )

  8. #7
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    Default My story- A long post yet still a very condensed version.

    Thanks so much ladies. The physical scar itself was never the "real issue" for me more just something in the back of my mind that I will be reminded of, it is the emotional side of things I really struggle with. I ended up with a c-section due to "failure to progress" 2 cm at 7 pm having been induced at 3 pm the previous day with over 11 hours of what the midwifes called "real labour" before they told me I needed to go to theatre. I had always been petrified of having a c-section but DH would never let me talk about it beforehand I was always just being "negative" was what he told me. I did not assume it was going to be the case I just new that I needed to consider the possibility.
    So once bubs was born I asked to see the placenta and was told I could not as It would make a mess on the floor, I was wheeled in to recovery without my baby or husband and 1 1/2 hours after her birth I finally got to hold and feed her. My husband was kicked out after 30 short minutes of us being together since it was after visiting hours. I was so out of it in the drugs and with not having slept for over 48 hours straight that I could barely keep my eyes open to feed the little one. The first 2 nights she spent in the nursery for observation and then on the 3rd night she was left with me. I mean just that- no help nada. I was struggling to get bubs to attach at midnight and waited in the corridor with bubs in arms for help and the midwife just ignored me. After struggling to express colostrum for the next 2 hours I caved in and pressed the buzzer at 2 am and by 4:05 am nobody had answered. In the end so my daughter would not suffer I pressed the buzzer again and got another midwife but by that point I was a bubbling mess. She helped me attach and then just left me. Surprise surprise bubs attached for all of a few minutes and we were back to square one. 1/2 hour later the "original" midwife came back and proceeded to tell me I had the "baby blues" because I was upset. I knew it wasn't that, it was just the stress of having been left on my own and ignored the whole evening, She denied that I had even pressed the buzzer and stated that I could not have pressed the buzzer- I was just a crazy women in her eyes....

    When my husband came in the following morning he told the midwife I wanted to go home - so that is what we did. Less than a week after the birth I was back in that place again with mastitis, I could not even stand properly i was so ill-think drunk person staggering. I have been in hospital 5 times since 31 weeks having never been in hospital before. 3 of these were with Mastitis. I ended up v.ill and on IV antibiotics. My DD has not been "on the boob" since 3 months yet I feel I must continue to express breastmilk for her. This is probably the hardest thing for me. Yet another way my body has let me down. I thought that if I got to 6 months I would feel ok about stopping but now as it is fast approaching in a matter of days all I feel is regret and failure. If only.... what powerful words and ones that torment each one of us to a certain extent.

    I went back to work at 7 weeks,4 days a week, so that plays on my mind that I am not doing the right thing. My own mum is so embarrassed of the fact I am working she has instructed me not to tell anyone back home I am working because she is worried about what people will think.

    My heart goes out to the trauma that Melbourne Mummy has experienced her story has given me strength to face the world for another day. I am still taking one day at a time. Fortunately I am getting the support of a health professional to talk through things and have been seeing them every 2/3 weeks since dd was born. For all who have struggled -have you thought about getting some impartial support, besides us bub hubber's? I know it is the last thing I wanted to do but the doctor's at the hospital organised it for me so I just "went with it" and I know just how much support it has given me.

    Has anyone taken some "time out" in a mother and baby unit to sort out their headspace, if so, do they feel like it was a positive experience? feel free to PM me if you do not want to make a public post.

    I will stop rambling. Big hugs to all.

  9. #8
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I am so sorry for your terrible experience. I am so sorry about the way you were treated during those first few days of your bubs life and I am so sorry our medical system has failed you. You have not failed, please don't think like that. You are a victim of the cascade of intervention which is becomming more and more regular.

    I had a lot of issues after my emergency cesarean. I felt like I had failed in so many ways, I could not breastfeed because they put me on anti depressants for my PND which weren't breastfeeding safe...

    It is almost 2 years later and whilst I am not sad or angry as I used to be about it all, when I really sit and think about it I want to punch those 'care providers' in the face!!!

    Something that was very healing for me was the VBAC of my daughter (I made a montage of my VBAC in teh VBAC section). I fell pregnant with her 6 months after my cesarean, it was a surprise. I was terrified, but I did things very differently and had a natural birth... The feelings I had during and after that were mixed, but I could finally forgive myself because I knew it wasn't my fault it was the damn ****ty midwife I had for my first birth....

    I am glad you have some support from your GP, and I hope you can find peace with yourself and the situation

  10. #9
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    Your story sounds horrible. The way you were treated during and after havingg your baby is so sad for you. It is so scary having a new born. After my c-section the midwives were terrific and would stand there helping me with everything. i think this is why it was such a good experience for me. My vaginal birth was the same, so much pain I could hardly move and the midwives treated me like I had some serious mental issues (and yes, them being rude about having issues... so i am glad I didn't actually have depression that would have made it worse really) rather than being a first time mum in a lot of pain. It is great that you had a supportive husband who got you out of there! The mastitus though... ouch! It is really horrible, let alone being bad enough to put you in hospital!! You poor thing!

    My story wasn't meant to say it's worse having a vaginal birth or be happy that you had a c-section.. not at all! I re-read it and hope it doesn't come accross like that. I wrote about it to you becasue I feel the same way you do about your c-section, even though everyone assumes I should be happy it didn't end in a c-section. I agree with everything SpunkeeMunkee said here... "I am so sorry for your terrible experience. I am so sorry about the way you were treated during those first few days of your bubs life and I am so sorry our medical system has failed you. You have not failed, please don't think like that."

    And as to getting help getting over the birth etc.. yes I sought help and it got me through a really hard time, just in time, before I had a breakdown! I will PM you the rest

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    Ah scotmum2be, so much of your story could be mine for the birth of my first son - failure to progress, days (!) of labour, an exhausted me in a c-section where I could barely keep my eyes open (my biggest memory of the event is the nurse trying her hardest to keep me awake!) and then days of midwives giving me lots of different and conflicting and not helpful help.

    I had enjoyed being pregnant and hadn't even considered that I would end up with a c-section. In fact, I just skipped the parts in 'Up the Duff' that talked about that. Wasn't for me and I hadn't even thought about it. The grief over not being able to have a natural birth knocked me sideways. I was (and still can be!) a bumbling mess and, to be honest, I am still a bit stunned that it all went that way. As many of the other posters have said, tv ads and shows with people having babies reduce me to a sobbing heap. I drive my husband insane with talking about it over and over again. In my head I know that my reaction isn't logical - I tried bloody hard to have him, I spent way longer saying no to them than I could have but I was just too tired in the end. But logic doesn't win all that often, does it?

    DS is now 19 months old. 6 months ago I had DS2. After a very uneventful pregnancy I had resigned myself to another c-section until I got to town to have the baby when the doctors said I could try for a VBAC. Yay yay yay. Except DS2 was very stubborn. 16 days over, having dodged the doctors and the c-section for as long as I could, he was born via c-section. It was a very different experience - I was wide awake to start with! I was definitely more aware of what was happening which was and was not a good thing! The pre-operation stuff freaked me out but the people who were doing it were all very good and supportive and helpful. My recovery was better too and breastfeeding is soooooooooooo much nicer this time around. Still I was sad. My husband might say I was loopy for the days before the c-section. I tried everything to get some natural action happening but nothing worked. I sobbed as we drove to the hospital.

    6 months on, I am much better about both c-sections now. If I was 100% honest with myself I would probably realise that I don't allow myself to think about it too much all that often as it is not something I will ever probably be at peace with. It doesn't upset me of a daily basis now though whereas it used to (maybe I am just too busy now!).

    Anyway, I am not sure that I answered your questions at all - perhaps just a cathartic rambling post for myself! I just wanted to let you know that I too felt like you do and I do feel better now. I didn't get help about it but that was more about my circumstances - i.e. living remotely but I would have had it been easier. Still, time really does seem to help heal the pain. And as for me, perhaps it will be VBA2C?????


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