+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    14,053
    Thanks
    1,872
    Thanked
    2,595
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts

    Default Loving life and yourself, how?

    I used to love life, and myself, once upon a time. Now though I am bored, extremelly bored, and I don't know what to do. I don't like life, and I don't particularly like myself, either.
    I feel like I want to run away and take a holiday and relax, but I can't do that to my OH and kids.
    I feel some resentment towards my OH for us not getting out and having holidays and general fun before our first came along. I so badly wanted to, and he said we would but he always had some excuse and it just never happened. It makes me sad because I don't feel we got that, I feel like we are missing out on a lot, and right now I am yearning for that.

    I feel like my life is nothing but changing nappies, feeding children, cleaning bottles, and just in general looking after them. Thats it. Thats all I do. Nothing exciting happens. We don't do anything, not as a family, not as a couple.

    I felt really upset on nye, we had had a few, and I had a itch I wanted scratching, I dressed nice for him, and he barely looked at me, didn't show much attention towards me. I tried kissing him and he pushed me away and said he was too tired. Thats fine, I respect that.
    Just if it were reversed, I would still want to do it, I would still want to please him, but he is tired, and I'm the only one that is mostly willing.
    It peeves me because I don't know why he is tired. He doesn't work. He sleeps in til 10am most mornings, he does the cleaning twice a week, he sits on the computer when he isn't doing anything, or watches tv. I get up anywhere between 5am and 6am, I am running after kids all day, feeding, changing, playing, cleaning. Its draining. I get up to them at night. If any one should be tired, its me. I just feel like he just isn't into me any more and being tired is just an excuse.

    I feel gross. I look in the mirror and I just want to cry. I want to look good, and I can, but whats the point. No one sees me, no one notices. Its just a waste of time, so I just dont do it, but then i feel gross and down because I look ugly.

    This is petty, but I like to give OH gifts, and I will every chance I get, but I have stopped because he doesn't return the favour, so he feels guilty, so by me giving him a gift, it makes him feel crap, not good. I don't care if he doesn't return the favour, it would be nice, but I don't feel bad coz I got him something and he didn't. I feel good coz I got him something, but he makes me feel bad for doing it, so now I don't.
    Though I would like something. On mothers day I got nothing, and he even told others that fathers day is more important. On fathers day I took my newborn and toddler out so I could go get him something. I would have loved a card even. Its the thought that counts.
    My birthday last year he did a iou which I was more than happy with, but it never happened, and when I bought myself a laptop, he said it was my gift from him. But I bought it with the money I had saved up.

    I just want to be happy but there is nothing to be happy about. I love my OH, I love my kids, we are all healthy, and aren't struggling, and I'm grateful for that, but I just want/need something else in my life, in our life, to make it exciting or worth getting up for in the morning.

    I'm in such a bad mood au the moment because I just don't know what to do, or how to get out of this.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    658
    Thanks
    276
    Thanked
    207
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Just wanted to give you some hugs!

    I'm no expert and don't know if any of the following advice will be helpful but wanted to try and offer you something.

    It sounds like your main issues are with your OH and how his actions and interactions make you feel. Perhaps if your relationship was better, more fulfilling you would feel happier as a person and as a Mother?

    Have you thought about counselling? By yourself or as a couple?

    Have you thought about trying to find a way to give YOU some alone time to find a hobby or do something YOU enjoy? What about daycare 1 day a week? Maybe you could do a short course or something?

    HUGS!!! Xoxo

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    28,228
    Thanks
    1,502
    Thanked
    990
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    in the middle of doing tea but will write more later... your not alone xx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    19,599
    Thanks
    3,252
    Thanked
    4,046
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    oh no honey!

    I wish I had better advice. Would hubby go to couples councilling? Sounds like he's in a rut too?

    Otherwise, I dunno. I don't know what else to say.

    Otherwise, what hobbies could you pick up? Do you get out often? I find I got nuts if I don't get to the park. I used to be shy and now I just blah blah blah to everyone.


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    4,516
    Thanks
    33
    Thanked
    103
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    oh darls it sounds like you are a bit worn out yourself - having two kids must be exhausting and I can only imagine that it can leave you feeling like that's you whole life 24-7.

    does ur partner not work at all or is he on holidays - perhaps his tirdeness and lack of sexual interest and interest in general are symtoms of some underlying depression?

    if he helps with the kids (even a bit) and it at home, maybe it would be a good idea for you to take some time for yourself. Sounds like you are yearning to be something aside from a mother and wife. That perhaps now is the time to be something and do something just for yourself.

    Have you thought about studying or part time work or joining a group /club etc? Develop a professional or personal interest. After two kids it can prob be hard to remember who you used to be and your probably not even that person anymore anyway, but you can rediscover who you are and what your passions are.

    It sounds like you at home alot, so perhaps joining some group, club, study, work etc would also naturally lead you to meet some new ppl who you relate to. A good fun mate who you can have a laugh with etc.

    Big hugs love, you are not alone - I often have times when I feel BLAH and just sick of the same crap. But it is from these times that the best things seem to happen, it's the restless in life that creates the opportunity for something new.

    xo

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to CookiesRYum For This Useful Post:

    SuperGranny (04-01-2011)

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    658
    Thanks
    276
    Thanked
    207
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thought of something else!

    Friends! Friends make all the difference in life! I know they are hard to find and hard to make! Since leaving Uni my friendship base has been VERY small and centred around my OH's friends. My career change has allowed me to make some friends at work and I feel happier and more confident!

    Maybe you could try that...I know it's not easy though! Xx

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    14,053
    Thanks
    1,872
    Thanked
    2,595
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Thanks
    I don't feel that its really a problem with him, I feel that because we have spent so much time together (18 months he has been home) that we just don't appreciate our time together, as a family or as a couple.
    I am starting a small wahm business this month, so that will give me something to do that I enjoy.

    I just need structure to our lives, and I think him getting a job will be a great start. When that happens is the question.,

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    1,294
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    55
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I have felt like this for the majority of last year, like i wasnt happy and needed to get away. It wasnt until someone made me stop and think about the smaller things in life that i realized just how lucky i am and how happy I should be.

    Anyway long story short, ive set out this year to appreciate to smaller things in life and find something different each and every day to be grateful for. May not sound like much, but in the last two days ive felt far happier and seem to be enjoying life that little bit more. Im doing it by participating in Project 365, its where you take a photograph everyday of something your grateful for, and then at the end of the year you have 365 things to look back at and be grateful for. It can be done in any form though, an image, a quote, a drawing, whatever helps you. Not sure if this will help, but thought id reply as its really helping me.

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    4,516
    Thanks
    33
    Thanked
    103
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    oh that is great news about the business - what are you planning on doing?

    does your DH want to work, is he able? What sort of work does he do?

    I think I would go nuts if my DH was home all day not really doing anything, sleeping in to 10am. Does he have any hobbies or interests?

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    9,134
    Thanks
    3,607
    Thanked
    2,360
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I can relate to part of what you're saying. Just wanted to send you some hugs .


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 15
    Last Post: 08-02-2018, 10:05
  2. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 03-01-2012, 18:32
  3. Loving Couples...
    By JIP in forum Models Wanted
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 20-12-2011, 15:28

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Pea Pods Reusable NappiesPea Pods are the smart choice when it comes to choosing what's best for you, your baby and the environment. Affordable ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...