I thought it is just adjusting to having a newborn baby and being all emotional while your world suddenly changes. But my baby is a year now and for the past 6months, I have been feeling more angry then happy at home, but only when hubby is around. Sometimes I am angry at him for no reason, other times it the usually fight that pops up every so often of him not helping out as much as I would like but to counter his argument he is the full time worker. I work part time (3weeks nights and half a day shift during the weekend).

I returned to work when bub was 3months. When she was 6months I put her in daycare for about 4-5hrs 1-2days a week, and went to a playgroup once a week (therefore I have more 'free time' to go out to the shops and socialise).

I know I have been VERY snappy and at times b1tchy towards hubby. And I know at times my moods I been purely my own over-reactions. But then there are times I come home from work (happy) and the instant I get home, or the instant he says something, I snap. Not when he says hello, but just something that gets to me because my husband is VERY opinionated. And is ALWAYS right. He always finds some way for me to be wrong or incorrect. Or just differs from my opinion on a topic, and is argumentative simply because that is his nature and has to project is rightfulness.

My attitude since I have had a baby has been very much "I don't have the time for you/to look after you...I have someone else more important to take care of now". Not to mention, the work schedule means we do a tag team, so it is 8.30 at night when we can sit down and really talk and see each other. So we don't spent alot of time together. And the time that we do have, we both have our own 'stuff' to do. We have tried the nominating a night or two for each but then stuff happens like hubby gets a headache and goes to bed early or I have something to do like a job application, and before you know it, your back to where you were...doing your own thing. The way I describe our relationship is more like being housemates. Even the sex is few and far between, but that is mainly because of me. Not wanting it because I have not long come home from work, or generally tired, or feeding bub when I was still BF'ing, or just because I am not feeling sexually attracted to him at that point.

I am hanging out for our move back to Brissie where the family is because in the last 3months or so I have been feeling I NEED that family support. To be able to drive round and visit my parents and get away. Or hang out with my sisters etc. Problem is, where we live I HAVE friends, I go out etc. He doesn't. He is a hermit. But that is just him. But with only about 2week to go before we leave to live in Brissie, I don't know if I can hold out that long? I don't think we are at spiltsville yet. But long ago we stopped kissing each other good night. I have stopped being affectionate. I rarely kiss goodbye or hello when he always does. I often leave the house angry at him and that is why too. We don't have major fights, and mostly our "tiffs" are over petty things. I don't say I love you as often. I remember for his birthday I said "your lucky I got this card for you [had really nice thoughtful words on it] because I wasn't feeling especially good about us"...

I don't know how I feel about him. About us? I don't know if I should leave to realise how good or bad I feel about being with him? I don't know about just taking some time away from each other??? I am thinking maybe staying with my folks for a few days when we arrive in Brissie just to get away and have some alone time? I don't know if I want to say lets seperate for a while??? I don't want to divorce. I don't hate him. I don't not love him. Though my love is not what it once was. Having a baby has change everything. I don't want to be with anyone else. I am not interested in anyone else. Things are just flat. There have been more downs then ups lately. I dont want to bale on my marriage when the going gets tough. It is a matter of when should you cut your losses? How can I feel good about us again? When will things pick up? Because to be feeling like this for about 6months is a long time. The most our lulls have ever been is about a few weeks.

Thoughts....Experiences....Words of encouragement or enlightenment