Hi to all you lovely Mums (and Dads),
I hit rock bottom yesterday after getting another BFN and I really need your help to get me out of the negative mind set I'm in.
Our naturopath has said that whats going on in our mind affects our fertility just as much as whats going on in our bodies. I know I need to stop thinking from the perspective of what we LACK ie/ 'our lives are empty because we don't have a baby'. And start thinking from a perspective of what we HAVE. Its just alot easier said than done...
I'd like to make a list of all the things DH and I should be thankful for, and should take advantage of while we still can, with the idea that doing all those things will keep us in good spirits and give us something to look forward to. Life as we know it will cease to exist when we do get our little miracle, so this will be a 'bucket list' so to speak.
Please tell me about the big sacrifices you've made, and what you miss most about your 'life before kids'. Or even the things you do when you're able to get a babysitter and have the 'night off'.
Thanks so much in advance!
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20-11-2010 09:37 #1
Please tell me the things you miss most about 'life before children'
20-11-2010 09:39 #2
Sleeping in, doing things without planning around naps/bedtimes/having to be child friendly, not having to watch a movie at minimum volume because the baby is sleeping, eating without sharing.
20-11-2010 09:45 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- some where between fairies & firetrucks
sleeping, shopping, eating, talking in the phone whenever it suit you actually scrap that doing anything whenever you feel like it, not working around sleep times,school drop off etc
20-11-2010 09:48 #4
Owning my own time. Having it be open-ended, you know, so if I had a weekend off from work, then doing whatever I wanted to do, and having the time to do it. Even if it was cleaning the house! Not having to either a) maneouvre around the kids or b) pick them up from somewhere or c) be quiet because they're sleeping.
Owning your own time is something you never get back again, and you have no idea how much you'll miss it when it's gone!!
20-11-2010 09:51 #5on a self imposed ban
- Join Date
- Apr 2010
Having a shower in peace, being able to sleep in. Watching my tv shows in peace. Going shopping for myself instead of all the stuff my DS needs. Going to hairdresser for 2 hrs without having to organize daycare or babysitter. Being able to just carry a little bag around. Quick trips to the shops (now I have to have baby bag and pram)
20-11-2010 09:53 #6has left the building
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
My toned, stretchmark free belly and ridiculously firm, perky boobs
20-11-2010 10:01 #7
Holidays!!!!! Knowing that you have plan a holiday that is suitable for kids and all that that entails, and having to pack a full car for a 2 night stay anywhere - don't even get me started on planes!
Going to the movies - have seen one movie in 2.6 years.
Watching TV without having to pause it (thank goodness for foxtel IQ) because a toddler is going "mum.... mum..... mum.... " and when you answer just looks at you as if to say "excellent - now her attention is on me!"
Spontenaety - it's just gone!
Privacy - toilets and showers are apparently "me and mummy" time.
Drinking - not a huge drinker so get tipsy VERY easily so don't like not having my wits around me when I have a child to care for.
Silence - those moments when you just need to block out the world - not going to happen !!!!!
Hope that gives you some food for thought
20-11-2010 10:02 #8Our family is complete!
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
Owning your own time is such a big one! Being able to do what you want, when you want.
Going out for dinner. We used to do it at least once a fortnight. The last time we went out for dinner, just the two of us, was June last year and we were home by 8pm because we needed to get home for DD2. We do go out for dinner as a family but nowhere near as often.
Going out for breakfast. A regular venture for us but with two kids with egg allergies, one kid with a dairy allergy we just don't bother. I miss it.
Getting to wake up next to each other and cuddle in the mornings. My DD1 is 5 on Friday and we haven't had a child free night together since then. My kids are all up by 6am, 6.30am at absolute latest and want their day to start NOW so there's no time to cuddle.
Being able to take a towel, a drink, some sunscreen and a book to the beach. So easy. Now it's 5 towels, a bag full of beach toys, food for the day (my kids have allergies so we can't just eat ice creams etc. from the kiosk), sunscreen, the sun shelter, hats for everyone, changes of clothes for the kids. You end up covered in sand from head to toe. I still love the beach but the experience is vastly different!
Being able to do simple things like go to the shops to get a loaf of bread. It used to be grab wallet and go...these days it's get shoes on everyone, get baby carrier for the baby, get the 3 and 5 year old to go to the toilet, get everyone in the car (5 minutes to get them in and strapped in), then unloading the car, putting baby in carrier, grabbing the hands of the older two etc. A 5 minute trip to get some bread takes half an hour!
Having pets. My dog died when my three year old was 8 days old. I love animals, dogs especially. I can not believe I have gone three years without a dog. It's such a foreign concept to me but the time hasn't been right to get a dog. Without kids I would've had a new dog within a couple of months.
Eating so many dishes that we now can't have due to my kids allergies. I make dinners allergy friendly so that means no egg, no dairy, no tree nuts.
Living in our apartment. It was our dream place to live. Without kids we'd still be living there but we only got to live in it for 18 months (couldn't afford it on one wage) and it's up for sale
Oh yes, holidays! Gosh they are so different to what our holidays used to be like!
I miss my sister. She lives interstate so easy enough to get to via plane...except her car doesn't fit three seats and the idea of taking a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a one year old on public transport it just a bit too daunting for me so I don't go to visit her. I can't afford to hire a car with car seats to get around.
HTH! It's the simple things I miss the most.
Last edited by Areca; 20-11-2010 at 10:06.
20-11-2010 10:10 #9
Sleeping. Going to the movies. Dtd without having to look at the time knowing someone will wake for a feed in half an hour. Holidays not being as complicated to organize as planning a full scale invasion of another country.
Going to the cinema in peace.
Eating in piece.
Spending money on frivolous things, like pretty dresses for myself.
Going out in the evening.
Cleaning your house and a week later it's still pretty clean.
Only doing laundry weekly.
That's all i can think of.
I wouldn't trade it back. But I do miss those things some times.
20-11-2010 10:13 #10
Eating in peace and quiet, enjoying a meal or going out for a nice meal.
Going to the movies easily.
Being able to concentrate, I love to read books.
Having the house stay tidy when you tidy it.
Being able to have an uninterrupted conversation.
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