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  1. #1
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    Default Need advice about how to deal with addicted sister?

    This is hard for me to write. I hope that people don't judge me.

    My sister is 7 years younger than me. We have always been close. We shared a bedroom, even though we had our own rooms growing up. She was sad when I got married and moved out of home, so after the honeymoon period, she moved in with us. Partly to help with the kids so I could keep working, and partly so that I had some company while my DH was working long hours.

    At first it was great. The first few years went by, and in that time she would spend weekends with our long lost cousin giving us time alone every few weeks (this cousins parents split very early in the piece so she wasn't really in our lives).

    My sister wasn't much of a party girl. Didn't go out much. She preferred to stay home and cook these amazing meals, and have a few glasses of wine when the kids were in bed.

    We noticed last year that she was spending every weekend with this cousin. We noticed that she became arrogant, and mean towards me. And that she stopped paying rent to us, and always had excuses for not having any money, despite working and not having any real expenses.

    Then people started to remark about how much weight she'd lost. Our neighbour said she looked like she was on drugs. I called our other sister, and she confirmed that the cousin is a known Ice dealer (still not sure what Ice is), and that my lil sis is infact an addict.

    My sis and her cousin are OBSESSED with each other. They went out last weekend and got matching tattoos with their names intertwined. They are going to stay in a hotel this weekend for my sister's bday, and the cousin has refused to let me, or the rest of the family celebrate our sister's bday.

    I just don't understand her behaviour. And I don't understand drugs because I've never done them. Does anyone know anything about Ice? Every time I try to talk to my sis, she is horrible to me. And I don't understand this obsession with her cousin. It's weird. It's really freaking me out.

    Thanks guys.

  2. #2
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    Big to you and the fact that you are a great sister that is so concerned.

    Ice is speed or crystal meth and a horrible horrible drug to be on.

    Check out the 60 minutes story - they did a report on it recently and it's very informative.

    I do hope you can help your sister.

  3. #3
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    You poor thing, addiction is hard on the family - IMO it's sometimes harder on the family than on the actual addict, because I'm sure she thinks she doesn't have a problem.
    Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is to make sure she knows 100% that you love her and that you will always be here for her if she needs you.

    She cannot and will not get clean until she herself wants to get clean.


    But if I was you, I'd try to find her somewhere else to live - perhaps with the cousin? Just suggest to her that your lives are becoming more and more different, and while you really want to keep in touch with her and catch up with her regularly, perhaps it's best she moves out now. She'll probably be angry, because at the moment she's living rent-free and able to spend all her money on drugs. But if you keep allowing that, you are enabling her. You can't stop her doing drugs, but you can stop making it easy for her to do so, IYKWIM.

    this is a horrible horrible situation. I hope she see's sense soon.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by the_queen View Post
    Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is to make sure she knows 100% that you love her and that you will always be here for her if she needs you.

    She cannot and will not get clean until she herself wants to get clean.
    She is so right. All you can do is be there for here when everything falls to peices and she realises she has a problem, she has a long road ahead of her but by your concern she has the support she needs. And you have support from all these wonderful ladies here

  5. #5
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    Sorry guys. I should have added that she is living with the cousin. We kicked her out when she stopped paying the bills, and as soon as the Ice addiction was confimed we asked her to stay away from the kids.

    She doesn't think she has a problem at all. She thinks I'm a prude because I don't drink/do drugs/smoke.

    I sent her this horrible sms this morning, and regretted it straight away.

    But how do I make her see that she has a problem.

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    There is no real way that i can think of but have you thought of ringing Drug & Alcohol information service on 1800 177 833. They may be able to give you some ideas on what you can do to wake her up.

    But I agree with not wanting her around the kids I wouldn't want my kids seeing there aunt like that either.

  7. #7
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    I know it's not what you want to hear, but truly, you cannot make her see that she has a problem. She has to hit "rock bottom" and get to the point where she doesn't want to do drugs anymore, and then if she can't give up by herself she will seek help. But even then, it could take a year or more before she is actually clean. Relapses are common.
    All you can do is just let her live her own life, make sure she knows how much you love her, and just be there for her when she needs you - and eventually she will need you.

    Re: the sms - if I was you, I'd send another message saying that you regret sending the original one, and the reason you did it was that you care about her so much, you love her so much, she's so important to you, that you are extremely worried about her. Don't tell her what to do, don't judge her behaviour, just tell her your feelings.



  8. #8
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    It's so hard because she really IS beautiful, and funny, and nice, and the best Aunty to my kids. But I have a 12 year old, and I cannot let her see tattoos, hear about nights out, and days without eating.

    She's not very discreet, and I'm finding it hard to cope with seeing her deteriorate into this horrible person.

  9. #9
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    I kinda know how you feel - I used to have friends that used drugs and thought I was a major prude because I didn't smoke, drink or use like they did - I was the bore in the group.

    How about sitting down with your sister (1 on 1), have a coffee in a netrual environment like a cafe etc and have a good heart to heart with her. You mentioned that you used to be very close - that relationship deep down will still be there and even though things have changed you can still reach out to her. If she gets defensive and angry don't get angry back - sometimes its the drugs that is doing the talking. I've had conversations with friends who can't even remember what we were saying because they were so out of it. But don't get upset back at her - it will only make her avoid you. Explain why you prefer her not to be around your child and other children - ask her to respect your wishes just as you are "respecting" her lifestyle even if you don't agree with it. Be available for her anytime because one day she will want a true friend and you don't want to have cut your ties.

    Like everyone else has been saying only they themselves can get back on track - being forced or being told to get clean won't help - the drug is highly addictive and if they are having fun and enjoying life then of course they won't want to stop. They also can't see the damage to themselves or to their family and they don't want to think long term because everything is the present for them.

    What I can advise you is to seek support for YOURSELF - so that you can help deal with the emotional side and become more informative yourself and to get support from others. That way you can in turn support your sister when she needs it.

    There is a No Way support campaign run by Darren Marton who runs drug and alcohol workshops for people including parents and families. Their details are No Way Campaign, PO Box 929, Miranda NSW 1490. His e-mail is darrenmarton@yahoo.com.au - he has publicly listed this from the 60 minutes story on Ice. He's not the only one running workshops - you can ask councils, state government for other revenues of help and support and they can help you find other people who are going through the same thing you are.

    This not only affects your sister and cousin but you and your family and although the road ahead is going to be tough you will find love and support out there.
    Big to you and all the best.
    Last edited by bigglet; 28-08-2006 at 12:26.

  10. #10
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    You are not horrible just a protective parent and what is wrong with that


 

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