Kstar you've hit the nail on the head - you know yourself well enough to know you couldn't cope with two. You took the words right out of my mouth! Nobody else knows you like you do
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06-08-2010 14:53 #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
06-08-2010 14:57 #12
We did want 2 or 3 but after my labour and recovery and how sick DD was we have decided me only want one.
People keep saying oh you'll change your mind. Pffft it's annoying
06-08-2010 15:01 #13Save Lives Go Vegetarian
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
People come out with the most rediculous things. Honestly. DD is an only child and I think it's because of this that I've been able to get her to where she is now academically. She's kind and caring and well mannered and well behaved when out and about.
My bestie's having another baby and this will be #5 for them. She's had mixed responses like "Have you worked out what caused it yet?" and "Surely you don't want a 5th" as if they can just not have the 5th now lol. She's had people telling her they can stop now and she's also had people like her mother telling her she's doing well and she'd like her to have more. Out of 4 kids in that family, 2 of them have gone on to have kids of their own with my bestie expecting the 5th and her brother is a single dad (living with his parents) and has 3. Her other brother is in a gay relationship and neither want kids and don't even have to use birth control to stop it happening haha. Her sister is waiting for marriage. She's 33 and not yet dating. Could be a while before she has kids. The gay brother is never questioned over having kids, he gets all different types of questions, but the 33 year old with no kids is often questioned over when she'll have kids and when she'll find time for dating and marriage and so on. So people question what others do just for the sake of it.
I'm told I'm selfish for not giving DD a sibling while someone else I know is called selfish for having 4 of them because she struggles with 4. You can't win!
06-08-2010 15:10 #14
People think their choices are the only correct ones, therefore everyone elses choices are automatically wrong. I think it makes them feel superior or better about the things they've done in their lives.
Some people should do us all a favour and keep their mouths shut!
07-08-2010 14:16 #15
yeah i got the selfish comment as well when DD was a newborn. now people ask me all the time when i'm having another one. i politely say that i'm not having any more but i don't try and explain why - it's none of their business!
08-08-2010 09:00 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I've decided after reading all of your wonderful replies that I am gonna make a concerted effort not to judge. I'm sure I am guilty of it at some stage.
Mind u I can't say I've ever judged people's parenting choices.
I have always said to myself "I will be there one day myself, then I will know what it's like".
My friend recently had twins, and no one ever asks her when the next one is coming! lol
Well all those people who keep asking me are gonna be waiting a looooooooooong time for our next, i'm still recovering from this one, and right now, I only have enough energy for him
08-08-2010 09:41 #17
I think the most important thing is that you have as many children as YOU want. If you feel you are going to be the best parent to just one child then that is the best outcome for you and your child.
I'm always getting criticised by our families because we have 6 (although it was meant to be 5, bit of a surprise at the end). But we cope very well with 6 kids.
We are all different and all have different pressures and needs in our lives. No-one else should ever criticise another person for their familial choices as they are not the ones living our lives!
On a side note, I envy you not having so many kids in the respect that you can still go out to restaurants and on respectable holidays without the Brady Bunch in tow!
Last edited by bgbgbb; 08-08-2010 at 09:43.
08-08-2010 09:53 #18
I was an only child, I don't believe that I am less intelligent because my parents only chose to have one child? My Husband is also an only child and whilst he is a bit self centered he is an incredibly caring, smart beautiful man.
There is nothing wrong with only having one child, but I wouldn't be making any permanent decisions about your family whilst your son is only a tiny baby still. You never know, one day you may want another child. It may be in a year 1 or 10 and there is nothing wrong with that.
When asked "whens the next one?" we simply reply with "who knows?" or "not for a while", if they keep prying I very obviously change the topic. The reality is I don't know what I might want in 10 years, I know I would like 2 children but some days I am more than happy with just the one.
09-08-2010 20:48 #19
I think we are twins!! I also am not the maternal clucky type.. I also had a terrible pregnancy and disasterous birth.. I have NO desire for more.. heck, I had no desire for children ever in my life! I clearly remember at age 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 etc saying "I'm never having kids!"
(I DO love my DS to the heavens and back though of course)
Thankfully I've not had comments like yours.. I've had others though:
"Oh, I would NEVER have only one child!" (my brother, who has NO kids yet)
"Its cruel to only have one" (my sister.. and I told her thats what I used to think but then I went through pregnancy, labor, birth, PND, PTSD and ongoing problems from the birth and that has left me wanting NO more kids)
"oh, but surely you want more! you have to try for a little girl!" ... oh really? I have to try for a girl.. why would I do that? I love the fact I have a little boy and I do not crave for a girl at all to "make my family complete"
Anyway.. I TOTALLY get where youre coming from, and to make it worse it hurts more when these comments come from family and friends, especially when they know what I went through with all of it, they think I'll just go through it all again at a whim?!
P.s - friends tell me it doesnt just happen to us (one child), friends who have 2 are asked when they'll have their 3rd etc.. mums who only have boys are asked when they will try for a boy etc etc. I just make sure that I am NOT one of those nosey people who asks those questions. It is tempting to ask "So.. you going to have another one?" But just remember how that question makes you feel
09-08-2010 20:55 #20
Hey, think of it this way.. we're doing our part for population control
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