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  1. #1
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    Default I'm having feelings for someone who ISN'T my husband

    Hi girls,

    I'm feeling really weird about my feelings so I have to let them out.

    I've been doing some consulting work for a company and I've been working quite closly to the manager. Anyway as time as gone on I've felt myself really really really drawn to the manager. Its bizaare because he is almost 20 years older than me, divorced with three kids not too much younger than me but he has the most amazing caring personality and I felt an instant attraction to him because of that.

    I'm married and fairly happily married and would like to think I would never have an affair but I can't get this man off my mind.

    Isn't it bizaare how you can go through life and you meet someone out of the blue and have a major connection with them. What does this mean?

    Has anyone else had this happen before to them before whilst married? I'm guessing as time goes on my feelings will fade away but man, my feelings are strong now

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    Is it a physical attraction thing or something else? I ask because the way you describe him he sounds like a father figure. I was always drawn to nice older men because my own Dad wasn't around while Iw as growing up.

    I had a similar attraction that I didn't act on physically, but the emotional attraction became too much in comparison to my fairly platonic marriage and I'm now separated from my husband and living happily with the other man.
    Last edited by NonnyMouse; 21-07-2010 at 10:12.

  3. #3
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    Maybe. I've never been closed to my dad, not because we had a falling out but he and my mum divorced while I was really young and then he was just half a dad really. Maybe I'm confusing my feelings. Maybe its because I'm used to people being really professional and stiff or stressed and he is just so easy to be around.

    He definitely isn't unattactive but I think I'm attracted to his personality moreso. I can't explain it but I can't get him out of my head. I'm actually waiting on a phone call from him and I have both phones near me and have butterflies in my stomach. So wierd.

    He has no idea I feel this way and I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way.
    Last edited by BaDaBing; 21-07-2010 at 10:19.

  4. #4
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    It's a tough one. If it's his personality you're attracted to then it may just be that you have a potential new friend, who just happens to be the opposite sex :-).

    My only advice would be to make sure you don't put yourself or him in a position where anything else might happen until you see where your feelings are.

    Do make sure you are honest with yourself though. I deluded myself for a couple of years that my feelings were purely platonic, as most of our contact was online or over the phone, and was always just general chitchat or talking about what was going on in our lives (both the good and the bad), but as soon as we had face to face contact the chemistry between us just blew me away and I had to make some very tough decisions.

  5. #5
    futureherder is offline Child led parent here...save me :)
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    I dont think there is anything to be ashamed of...there is nothing wrong with finding someone else REALLY attractive (in a soul sense)

    I do beleive in soul mates but I certainly dont beleive in just one however some people are lucky to find that one let alone another.

    I would personally stay away from him because as much as it feels wonderful to be around another soul mate I also feel the need to be very intimate with them and considering I am not intersted in having more then one partner I would find the relationship hard to continue...but that is a personal choice some people can happily stay close to someone they feel that way about.

    If you honestly dont feel there are any problems with your current relationship that may be causing you to create this connection then I think everything is all good.

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    Thanks for your advice.

    I have no plans on doing anything about my feelings and I feel guilty for having them. Although to be honest its nice to experience the feeling of lust again even though its wrong.

    I think maybe he has some qualities that my hubby doesn't have but unfortunately I desire them.

    Oh dear.....

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    Maybe its time to spark up my marriage.... any ideas?

  8. #8
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    RoarsomeMum is offline Right to speak, responsibility to listen..
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    Bada Sometimes I think we trick ourselves.. (That does not even sound right, ourselves trick US! more to the point..)

    When your attracted so someones personality like you sound to be (as in it's the main attraction, even though he is not un-hot!) then I say it is a Great friendship in the making! Ruined by sexual expectation.. - We can love other men, REALLY love them without it being sexual..

    Are you able to picture yourself and Hubby with him 5 years from now, playing pool or having Sunday sippers? Can you see "Soul mate friendship style" potential? Or is the sexual attraction to strong??

    For YEARS I thought I was still in love with my Ex.. I actually nearly left DH and went back to him in 2004.. But came to realise I just missed HIM! and I could have him as a friend and DH as a lover and it all work out fine.. The "sexual feelings" I had were more cause I could not process "platonic friendship" with a guy.. Sad I know

    God!!!!!! I came in to try and help and as always, pontificate about myself.. Dang it..

    - to make up for it..

  9. #9
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    I think its a normal thing to experience, however I would just stay away and not talk or work with this person if you can. It might feel nice and I haven't felt that way since I was very young, however, your married, you have kids and you must think about their feelings and how they'll feel if you did act because 2 months down the track you just couldn't help it.
    If this is real, you'll still feel it later on and then you must decide what you want from your marriage, but right now the best thing you can do is not play with the feelings of lust because its just that, a feeling a fantasy, he might not feel the same way, it might not last and it has the potential of hurting alot of people including yourself.
    Its the forbidden apple my dear

  10. #10
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    Roarsomemum, I'm so glad you have said that because that is exactly what I've been thinking but probably too embarrassed to say. In my mind I've been like, what is wrong with me, can't I have a friendship with a male without having feelings for them??? I mean of course I can because I have great friendships with my girlfriends husbands and with my hubby's friends but I think I am attracted to this man because I'm connected with him on some level and its not really real, its a fantasy.

    Man you ladies are smart in here!

    Babyleo, I know exactly what you are saying and I think my time in his office will be at an end soon and I'm sure he will fade out of my mind as my feelings fizzle and all the things you spoke of will be avoided.

    I can't help feeling sad about the idea of not seeing him anymore though.


 

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