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  1. #121
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    Hi Frostysmum,
    Firstly , I don't have any words of wisdom to offer but I certainly understand the feelings of despair and hopelessness. I've taken the day off work today because I'm just too upset to deal with people, I think I'm more upset now then I was last weekend when I got my latest bfn.
    Are you happy with the new FS? Is he/she proactive and what do they think your chances are? I've just made the call to switch because I was getting increasingly frustrated because my current FS kept blaming my age but in the same breath would tell us how perfect our embryos always were. After 7 bfn's we'd had enough. Our appt with a new FS at a different clinic is in 3 weeks.
    I truly believe that eventually one of our embryo's has to stick (assuming there is nothing wrong inside me that hopefully all the testing would have found by now), it's just such an awful time waiting for that perfect embryo though. I'd also like that crystal ball to know that it all turns out okay in the end and we get our longed for baby.
    Take care and good luck.

  2. #122
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    Frostymum, lilybaby and StarfIsh.

    I am another sad woman today. I am sitting at work but rather not. If I could have a private moment, I am sure my tears would just run down. I am currently in the last leg of 2WW, feel AF is held up by the cocktail of progesterone support. In fact, the bleeding from EPU seems never stopped. Yuk.

    I don't have significant solutions to deal with the sadness and despair. I usually surive BFN by being kind to myself, induldge in a couple of things, appreciate fortune I have in life, such as exisiting family, health, access to other things that people in other parts of world don't have. shift focus for a while and plan next round of attack when I can.



  3. #123
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    Frosty, this is a really hard place to be in, I've been there myself from time to time & from what you have described you have obviously been an excellent advocate for yourself & fought hard to get some answers. But maybe time for a re-think of your 'team'?

    I agree with Lilybaby about the importance of having professionals around you that you feel are supportive & are doing everything they can to help you get there. For some of us this journey is inexplicably long, so by all means have your down days, cry & scream, nurture yourself and your partner but the key to staying for the long haul I believe is having the right team around you.
     
    I have changed FS & seen numerous alternative health care practitioners over the last 2-3 years looking for the right fit. Just today I was at my acupuncturist & she was telling me about a client of hers that had her 1st baby this week after a long struggle (& with her own eggs) at 44! These are the stories & the kind of support & encouragement that keeps me going forward & give me renewed hope (that & the fact that she sees my 3 chem pregs & mc as evidence I am so close to getting my bub). Only time will tell, but regardless of the eventual outcome I am confident I am in the right hands. Massive hugs to you. 

    K2Chat, hang in there doll. It ain't over yet xx

  4. #124
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    Thanks girls for your encouraging words. It's so hard to find strength to go on, as time goes by, the despair deepens, as the statistics are looking worse. I can't really fault both of my FS, the old one despite being a one trick pony as my DH calls him, had looked after me very well during the time, and was the most caring and gentle dr to see me through 3 miscarriages. I've changed dr to the big gun Wazza, if you're in Birsbane you'll know that he's the guy with the most tricks. He told me last consult, he's used up all his tricks on me. We've tried different protocols and the whole handful of drugs everyday. I believe if Wazza can't get me pregnant, no other FS in Brisbane can, and it's not any of the FS's fault, it'll be my crap embryos fault. He said to me, I can't guarantee you a baby, but, if I think you can't have a baby, I'll let you know. I just want my baby now, actually no, yesterday.

  5. #125
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    K2chat - I hope you get a happy ending at the end of this 2ww and it's not the support keeping af away, hopefully you really are utd this time

    Starf1sh - you sound like you are in a really good place at the moment, I'm trying to get there again. My 1st step is to get a cut and colour this saturday and then I think I'll book a facial for the following weekend. I think it's also high time I bought some more jewellery - I'll just tell DP he can give it to me for Christmas early. I agree with you we really need to take care of ourselves and our partners anyway we can through these tough times. Somedays though I just need a big cry to let it all out. Take care

    Frostysmum - I'd take comfort in the fact that Wazza will tell you if enoughs enough and from the sounds of things he still thinks you are in with a chance. The waiting sucks but at least you know he wants to keep trying so he must think you've still got some good embryos.

  6. #126
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    Frostysmum, take good care of yourself and I REALLY hope this FET is the one, you just never know!! Will you continue the colorado protocol? As a side issue, have you been down the acupuncture route to improve egg quality (probably a really silly question to a LTTTC'er ) My FS has recently put PGD on the table as an option (but I have just started DHEA and yet to try Prednisolone, Saizen etc). Not sure if Wazza has suggested this as another avenue to look at? (and yes I have heard of him, sounds like an awesome FS)

    Lilybaby, have had to work hard to find the silver lining recently...and good self care, haircuts, pedicures etc played a big part One of the many benefits of BH I find is there is always someone to boost you up when you need it and offer some (realistic) positivity. All the best getting your mojo back!

    K2Chat, how long till bt? Sending you an extra dose of and

  7. #127
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    Frosty I am so sorry to hear you're having a hard time but I totally understand you, I could have written the exact same post. DH is away this week and I spent all weekend mainly in bed thinking how sad all this IVF/infertility journey is and that it's never going to work. But you know what?...after what we have been through it would not be normal not to feel this way. We need bad days and good days because this is how our mind&body cope with tragic events. This is how we find the strength to keep going and keep our hopes up.

    You're on any possible drug that can help and you had implantation before. You have more reasons to believe that it will work than it won't. You had a great AMH result last week and this is very encouraging. My theory is that when you have a bigger pool of eggs, then it will be harder to come across the right one (give that at our age the majority of them will be crap ), it just menas that it will take more attempts. But I am sure there is at least one good egg in there, it can't be that you are still producing so many and not a good one in there.

    Don't give up on your eggs/embryos. One of them could be your baby and only your determination will make this happen

  8. #128
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    Default hi ladies

    I have been popping in and out of bub hub for a couple of years now. just want to say my heart and kind thoughts go out to everyone. i am personally rocking up for what i feel will be the "last one" part of me thinks..i should really enjoy the party time of the year..but the other side wants this journey of "trying" needs to end. Am seeing the gorgeous Warren and will be doing an eostrogen primming cycle. First one of that type. have been on Dhea for a while and will do luveris, asprin, clexane, nitrodur, prednisone, feldane, berocca, co q10, zinc, and about 800 of fshmmmm have i forgotten anything??. mmm my poor husband. Will be starting on wednesday. Thinking i need to book a holiday with hubby for the 3rd of january so that if the unpleasant happens can get a bit of an escape. Goodluck to those crazy girls enough to be having a crack during the silly season is all i have to say.!! if i can stay positive enough will stay involved in the thread. Just felt before that i would be negative energy which is not helpful for anyone.! Actually i think last time some painful person jumped on and commented that she had had been lucky enough to fall prenant first time and to relax...mmmmm i think i was wanting to jump through the computer find her and well say nasty things...:-(( am sure most of you get that feelling. !!
    Last edited by rachaelbrisbane; 15-11-2010 at 21:41.


 

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