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  1. #1
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    Default Severe Depression and complete lonliness

    Hi Everyone,
    I've got to the point where I don't know where to turn.
    I have 3year old twins and an 18mth old boy - who I love all to bits. But unfortunately I suffer from extremely severe Depression,(including previous suicidal thoughts) which isn't helped by my current lifestyle.

    Because I can't find work in the evening hours, we are struggling financially and I can't even afford my anti-depressants any longer (It's too expensive to put the kids in childcare at this age and return to my job that I am on extended mat leave from - I don't even earn enough at to cover the expenses of Childcare)

    On top of which, I am at home all day, every day, without being able to go anywhere and I have no contact with anyone other than my husband on an evening and the odd day he has off. I feel completley alone, and my family - including my husband don't seem to understand how even getting up in the morning is difficult for me with my depression.

    It's ruining my whole way of life, I don't even have the energy to keep on top of my house work or play with my children - and it's killing me.
    I used to be very active, a healthy social life, a clean freak, and loved being at work. ( I use to be able to do night work when the twins were born, so I was with them in the day).
    I usually love being busy, and now dont know where to find any motivation. I just feel numb. On top of which since my last childs birth I have put on 20kg, which has made my depression and self confidence a million times worse.

    I have a complete phobia of social situations, and have even become embarassed for my husband to be seen with me and even to get back out there and re-connect with old friends.
    I just wich I had a constant connection with someone who understands.

    I don't know how to get help, or get out of this rut. I've tried counselling as well and it hasn't helped - even when I was on the meds.

    I had to vent, and this forum seemed like an ideal spot where I thought I might find others in a similar position.
    Thanks everyone

  2. #2
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    I know how you feel. I only have one 3 year old and one 18 month old. I am on the max dose of my meds and i still in through bad cycles. In my bad cycles, i actually usually act on my suicidal thoughts. It is really difficult. I dont work at all because i dont want to leave my children in childcare. I am lucky that i budget really well so that i dont have to.

    I have found with me, i will fine something that works for a while then i get immune and slump again. At the moment i am on a high and i am making sure i bake something out of this cool 70's pie book daily. I made tuna and broccoli grougere tonight for tea. I have trouble keeping friends because i do slump. I have just made a new friend and i am going to her house tomorrow. I am excited.

    I hope you feel better in the morning.

  3. #3
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    Big hugs for you.
    Do you feel up to just going for a walk every day?
    What area are you in?

  4. #4
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    Catch 22 - I know what you mean by cylces of slumps days etc. I can feel ok one minute and then something triggers me and I feel like crap the next. It's so awful.
    I love cooking and trying new dishes myself, but I usually can't afford to buy different foods to try new things - we're on a tight budget at the moment.
    I hope you have a great time with your new friend

    Kuddles -
    I would love to go for a walk every day, but there are two reasons I don't. 1. I live in a hilly area and have had a recent back injury which makes me nervous incase I hurt it again as I'm so unfit these days- I hated the bed rest that I was on when I hurt it. and 2. The only time I can walk is at night and I don't like the thought of being out and about on my own, and I have no one to go with me.

    I live in Brisbane

    Thanks both for your replies

  5. #5
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    That does make life hard. I get the whole being scared to hurt your back again. Bed rest sucks and is so hard when you have little ones.
    Do you get the chance to go to parks on the days that your husband is home?
    Being on a budget is hard at the best of times without the added strain of depression. Is it possible to get cheaper meds? Or go to the salvation army for help?

  6. #6
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    My husband has only every second weekend off, we do try to get out with the kids to the park, but not very often.
    I'd love to change to cheaper meds, but they are the only ones that agree with me - and because of the high dosage they are more expensive. Not sure if I'd qualify for help from the Salvo's?

  7. #7
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    Fizz, sorry to hear about this i was the same way at the beginning of the year, but now I go to a few different parenting sites, this being one, and I realise how lucky I am 1 to have my boys 2 that even tho I don't go out much that my friends care for me enough to ring me up just to see how I am.

    Just remember that there are ppl out there for you. Have you thought that even tho Hubby works hard and you are on a tight budget, just going to a family member's house for dinner 1 night. I know this may seem like a silly Idea but I find after I socialise with someone other than my DP I feel alot better, and the kids love it too.

    It will also start to gain your confidence back that you are a good mother you are doing the best you can. You love your kids and they are the reason you are here. They need you don't give up hope.

    If you want to talks some more send me a PM and I will message you back as soon as I get it.

    Hope this helps.

  8. #8
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    Hi QueenFire,
    I cant see the PM button anywhere? Lol!
    Thanks for the reply - and the idea of getting together with family is great, but I don't have anyone close to me that I could really do that with (my parents live an hour away).
    My Dr has started me on a new anti-depressant yesterday (A Whole lot cheaper!) so hopefully they'll start to take effect over the coming weeks - I'm so sick and tired of feeling this low.
    Thanks again! :-)

  9. #9
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    OMG so get where you are coming from! I have a 5year old son, 2 year old daughter and 6 month old daughter. My kids are great --- but it doesn't really matter when you are struggling emotionally does it!?!
    I've been battling with depression for the past 6 years and me and DH have been screaming for help and just couldn't find any! I kept feeling as though my anti-depressants would work for a while, then they would just stop working! I finally realised that I needed to look somewhere other than my DH for help as he was done with putting up with my moods ... he did well to last this long! So I asked to go into hospital .. I went into the mother and baby unit (at King Edward Hospital, here in Perth WA) - it was the BEST thing that I could have done! I was in there for 4 weeks - and have been home for 3! weeks. more later..

  10. #10
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    Please tell me more.


 

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