When I was in highschool, we had one boy in our social group - amongst a lot of girls. I always think of how horrible it would have been for him - to only have female friends but to always be treated like some sort of sexual predator by a lot of our parents. Some seemed to treat him as if the only reason he hung out with us was to get in our knickers... when really, the true reason has been revealed now - he was an effeminate gay, and simply got along better with girls.
Out of a group of about 10+ girls, only 2 of us were allowed to spend nights with him. I think it's why we became the closest to him - because our parents didn't treat him like a pervert.
I slept over his house plenty of times. Yes, I saw his penis eventually, but it wasn't sexual... it just happened. I also ended up seeing the various body parts of my female friends too. It wasn't about trying to shag each other though.
He was the only boy invited to my baby shower, and some people treated it as if it was odd to have a male there... but he was my friends, and I wasn't about to reject him for various events just because he happened to have a penis.
Would I let DD sleep over at a boyfriends house? No. But would I let her sleep over a boy who was her close friend's house? Of course!
It's not too hard to tell the difference...
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28-06-2010 10:04 #41
28-06-2010 10:21 #42
Yes. It was assumed not just by my parents but by extended family, friends, teachers, books, TV shows, movies - girls liked boys, end of story. I don't ever remember reading about a gay member of the babysitters club (someone correct me if I'm wrong!).
Due to all the pressure and teasing (I couldn't even mention a boys name in my house without "ooohh!! you li-ike him!!!"), I announced when I was about 11 that I didn't like boys at all and stuck to that until I was about 16 when I had my first boyfriend. This was always taken by everyone to be a declaration of a-sexuality, rather than homosexuality.
28-06-2010 10:23 #43Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
Not at all. I have very enlightened parents - recently I put a video of my dad speaking at a gay marriage rights rally on the hub.
I've never understood why heterosexual is seen as the default. What I mean is why do people have to "come out" as being homosexual? I find it a bit weird that it's still "announced". Of course, people should be proud of it and obviously you have to mention it while dating but I never understood why it's sort of something that has to be this big, nerve-wracking deal.
28-06-2010 10:26 #44
My son wants male friends as well he just is not liked by boys.
The speech pathologist told me she believes this is because he is extremely verbal. he communicate a lot verbally. And apparently it annoys a lot of boys - they find it irritating.
It does however make him a bit of a chick magnate LOL.. the girls love him because he talks tothem
28-06-2010 10:28 #452 boys 2 girls 7 pets
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
I was raised as me (does that make sense??). Mum never had a path chosen for me (or my bro's) to follow, she just went with the flow of our personality. I doubt she'd interfere anyway...she's happy that we are happy
28-06-2010 10:35 #46
I had more issues in High School. Word got out that my father was gay. And everyone came to the conclusion, that if my Dad was gay, I must be too.
Girls did not like hanging around me, in fear I'd try and pick them up. And boys only teased me.
I can only imagine what it must be like for those who are really gay in high school. Kids are very cruel..
I spent 1 day tied to a basketball ring in my underwear just before the boys basketball team came out for practice.
28-06-2010 10:44 #47
We definately were raised with gender roles not even just hetero but girls have dolls boys have trucks and like my brother wasn't allowed to play with dolls etc myself it's never been a question of preference though raised the same household my brother 'experimented' and though he only has girlfriends so I guess he's hetero.
28-06-2010 11:08 #48
Yes- I was raised with the expectation that I was hetrosexual, and I am- I'm not sure that would change if I was raised differently- I mean, I don't have any sexual feelings towards my own gender and can't say I feel anything for the lovely lady down the street no matter how deep I go within myself. But is this a product of my upbringing and the parenting I received or is 'seeing beleiving' so to speak. I can't ever remember seeing allot of gay couples about so have I just slotted in with the norm? Or is this my genuine feelings? I'm not sure- I guess no-one can ever be sure because we don't just get our influences from one place- whether that be from our parenting or not. It comes from society, schooling, education, friendships, the list could go on and on.
28-06-2010 12:04 #49
I think it was definitely assumed we would be straight because we were all given the 'no sex before marriage' talk.
And my parents were pretty unimpressed when I fell pregnant with DS!
I don't think I would be homosexual if I'd been raised with different expectations...because my parents also raised me with the expectation of being a virgin bride, so clearly I didn't really place too much weight on what they said/thought. Also, though I find women very attractive I am not sexually attracted to them at all. I've never felt anything but deep friendship for any of my female friends.
However I don't think homosexuality was really explained to us at all, I remember 'gay' being an insult that was thrown around by bullies at school but I had no idea what it meant till I was older, probably in year 8 or 9. I think I was pretty naive though, I remember our yr 7 science teacher using the word 'Mastication' to describe chewing and everyone laughed because it sounded like 'Masturbation' so I laughed..but had no freaking idea what it was!
I never really had homosexuality explained to me so I never really understood the sexual act either. I remember being in year 10 and discussing it with my best friend that we had no idea what homosexuals actually 'did' because the parts didn't add up to what we thought sex was. I don't know if its taught in other schools but it wasn't taught in ours at all.
I suppose in a way I am raising my children with the assumption that they are hetero also. Not on purpose, but just because it comes naturally to me that way. I would certainly support them either way, but it isn't something I've really considered.
DS does talk about when he is grown up and has a wife and children though, if he talked of having a husband and children I would also support him. I DO think that children naturally model themselves on their parents though.
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