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  1. #1
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    Default Weight gain and lack of family support.

    I walked in on a conversation with my parents, and I overheard my dad talking about my motherís weight.
    My mum is a diabetic, type 2 to be precise. And she does need to watch her diet, and she has, She doesnít eat any white bread, lays low on the sweets and plenty of other things that can bring her to a dangerous level.
    Anyway the past few months my mum has lost a lot of weight.
    She lookís really good sheís now about a size 16-18 when she was more so a size 20.
    And I have been telling her everyday how good she looks.
    Then I walk in on my dad saying, ďI think you need to consider getting a stomach bandingĒ (not sure how to spell, sorry) Iím quite aware of what this is!
    First of all I went nuts. I looked at my dad and just told him he must be blind. My whole family and I have been helping my mum for the past three years, trying to motivate her and weíve watched her drop from a size 24 to now a size 16-18. Well, I couldnít be more proud of her! And sheís done it the most healthiest way possible! Over time. Just minimising her intake of unhealthy foods and more exercise etc. Now itís like, sheís made it this far, my dad has brought her down even more.
    My mum replied with, ďThanks a lot, Itís good to know youíre so willing to watch me risk my lifeĒ, and I nearly cried, just looking at my mum, I could see she was going to cry any minute.

    On another note. My dad is 6í3 and has a massive beer belly! But because heís so tall, he refuses to believe he is overweight, And when in the past he has picked on my mum for her weight, I have said to him, ďTake a look at yourself buddy, youíre not the skinny one eitherĒ, and he would just hold his head high and be all like ďIím not overweight at all, Iím very healthyĒ. I even checked his BMI for him and he refused to believe when it read that he was 15 kilos overweight for his height.

    Iím worried about my Mum, I hope she doesnít take my dadís comments to heart, but really, when itís the man you love, how can you not? And I just hope it doesnít weaken her motivation as sheís made it so far I donít want to see her stop.
    I tried to make her feel better by telling her that I believe my dadís just worried about her, but I didnít at all feel like I was telling the truth by saying so, Iíve witnessed him belittle her on so many accounts about her weight. And although I know he cares about her, I find it hard to believe itís her health heís sincerely worried about, as my mum is a very health-conscious woman now! I know what she eats is healthy, and the result is her weight loss!

    What is it with my dad being so rude and cruel about weight.
    He even makes comments towards me, And i'm 33 week's pregnant.
    "You shouldn't eat that Ashleigh", "You're too big to be consuming foods like that".
    -I weighed 70 kilos before i was pregnant and wore a size 14 clothes. I now weigh just over 80 kilos at 33 weeks pregnant, I'm still wearing size 14 jeans/clothes. I'm aware of my 10 kilo weight gain but I'm 33 weeks pregnant, so that's basically almost over an 8 month period of time, i honestly don't think i'm doing that bad! My main priority is my baby! I will worry about loosing my pregnancy weight gain when little one arrives and i can do so without harming him/her.

    When i went in for my gestational diabetes test he warned me that i would definitely be coming back with a positive test result. And when i found out a couple weeks later that my results were fine. He felt some what disappointed that i didn't have gestational diabetes.
    And then when i went for my 32 week midwife check up, The midwife told me my baby was shy in size and i need to consume more food each day to help my baby grow. This immediately shocked him! He was thinking my midwife was a looney.
    (On most occasions, I barely get any sleep at night, so i'm usually a night owl and when i wake up i have breakfast, then i collapse and sleep for about 7 hours, but by the time i'm hungry again it's dinner time, and i realise Iíve only had two meals so far.. I don't do this everyday, some day's i notice Iíve had four meals a day! But I know it's not right to have two meals a day whilst pregnant but i do consume a lot of carbs etc. and i'm not doing it to harm the baby, it's really just my sleeping pattern that screws my food intake up, but sleep is also important).

    I think a part of me would like to get some counselling just so i can work out a way to block out my Dad's rude comments, But then i feel like, it's not me with the problem, why am i so willing to get help when he is the problem, why can't he admit that what he is doing is wrong.

    Sorry i wrote so much, I guess it was just that time for a major vent!

  2. #2
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    my dad comments on my weight and ridiculed me when i was 14 called me a baby elephant what an idiot, i did lose the weight through skateboarding though

    as for your mum, she has done an excellent job, i dont know her but im proud of what she has and will acheive, perhaps you should go to your mum and say
    "mum, you are looking so good, i think we need to go and update your wardrobe, you need to feel as good as you look".

    and dont worry about losing the baby weight, most of it will go within a week after the birth, babys weigh a bit in there.

  3. #3
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    sam's mum is offline and Amelia's and Belle's too....
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    Maybe your Dad is trying to keep your Mum fat so that he can feel better about his own weight. If he undermines your Mum and keeps her fat, he doesn't need to worry about his own weight, because your Mum is worse. Not sure if I have explained myself well there... sort of a - well I might be fat, but your fatter, so I don't have to feel so bad. Now that your Mum is losing weight - using discipline and willpower - he has to look at himself and all of a sudden he is the fattest.

    My ex used to buy me chocolate all the time, I joked once that he was trying to keep me fat and nearly choked when he said - yep, that way you can't leave because no one else will want you.

    It sounds like your Dad has real issues about weight, esp since he criticises everyone else's weight and food intake.

    I hope that your Mum does stay strong and keep losing the weight.

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    It sounds like your father needs a good kick in the rear!

    If he has a "beer gut" like you say, then that's certainly not healthy. Apparently, weight around the middle is worse than all-over weight...so someone with a generally thin body but with a heaving belly...well, that's just asking for heart disease! Perhaps you should let him know just that.

    Good on your mother for losing the weight the healthy way. She must be very strong and motivated...especially to lose it with such a lack of support from your dad. I've found it so difficult to stick to a healthy-eating plan because nobody else around me does (my mother is practically anorexic and never eats...and when she does, it's unhealthily...and DP just chows down on KFC, cakes, bacon etc in front of me...). So yeah, she must be very strong.

    Perhaps he is jealous of her new lifestyle changes...that he can't do it himself...or that his wife (your mother) is getting new found attention from other males.

    COMPLETELY ignore him in regards to your baby weight. You sound like you're doing fine. A lot of women stack on 20+ kg...so you're doing well. I only put on 7kg...and ended up with a 4.67kg baby...and a week after I had her, I had lost all of that baby weight and 7kg extra!

  5. #5
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    This sounds exactly like my dad. He's always picking on my mum about her weight, and how he finds her so unattractive etc etc. i seem to be the only person encouraging my mum to lose weight for herself, not for him. I hate seeing my mum upset by my dads comments, so I know how you feel. My dad has also made a few comments about my weight during pregnancy, and I have to keep reminding him that I am 9 months pregnant and that the baby is healthy. (mind you I've only put on 12kg - starting at 70kg)
    I really hope you dad stops with the comments before it goes too far.

  6. #6
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    Thanks for all of your replies.
    Itís a shame thereís a few of us who have to go through something so similar.
    Especially whilst weíre pregnant.

    I think if I was sincerely concerned about my pregnancy weight gain I would be taking my dadís comments much more to heart. But also being able to witness it happen on many occasions towards my mother I know itís just him now that has the problem and it is neither of us in anyway.

    When he gets home from work, He immediately starts asking either my sister, or I to clean, even if the house is clean, He wants to see people at work, and when we explain to him that itís already been done or weíre busy doing something else, can he wait a little while, or why canít he do it. He always replies with, ďIíve been at work all day, I donít need to clean, Iíve done my partĒ.
    Where as when my mum gets home, sheís Ďexpectedí to be cooking dinner. Some nights my mum will call me and ask me to take care of it and I have no problem doing so, but I never stop and ask why my dad canít take over for once.
    My mum works in Sydney, so she has to commute two hours every morning, work 9 hours, then travel two hours every night to get back home. My dad works from 7am till 3pm but itís just too much work for him to help out. Youíd think heíd be a little more sympathetic.
    My parents arenít that old, theyíre quite young for having a daughter whoís about to have a child. Why do I feel like I live in a household thatís based during the 1950ís era?
    I really canít stand that, I donít want my child raised in a family where he/she has to witness so much anal retentiveness towards cleaning and cooking and how the women should be doing all the work. Shouldnít we be teaching our children that weíre all equal? Weíve all got hands and legs; we surely can do everything that a mother is expected to be doing. I really feel for my mum when talking about this. geez, i love her so much!

  7. #7
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    men !!

    ive got so much going through my head right now, I cant even think of anything else to write! grr!

    Tell your mum she is doing a great job and you are proud of her and NOT to listen to those horrible comments.

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    Congratulations to your mum, that's a great effort Don't let the turkeys get you down

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    Congrats to ur mum! That is a tremendous effort and she should be so proud!!

    My mum went from being a size 18-20 to a size 12 with weight watchers and i'm so proud of her i think her motivation is just so great!!!

    I have put on almost 10kgs since becoming pregnant aswell and my doctor keeps telling me how healthy i am and how i'm putting on weight at the perfect rate and So your dad's comments are totally unneccessary

    Hope it sorts it self out! And congrats AGAIN to ur mum! What a great effort!!


 

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