I dont really know what to write or even if writing something will make me feel better
On Sunday 6th June 2010 i had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, i was 6 weeks pregnant. I went to hospital, i had internal bleeding and i wasnt in a good way, they took me to theatre for emergency laparoscopic left salpingectomy surgery meaning they removed my left tube and the baby. I almost died and i know i am lucky to be alive but i want my baby back I don't know how i am meant to be feeling but i feel lost, empty, upset, i cry all the time, can't sleep and don't feel like eating. I have been in bed every day since sunday due to the pain and the fact i lost over a litre of blood in surgery, normally i would hate being in bed for this long but at the moment i dont want to be anywhere else.
Anyway my post is long enough so i will stop writing
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09-06-2010 11:46 #1
09-06-2010 13:39 #2
My story is pretty much the same as yours, but two years ago now. My ectopic also ruptured, and I lost a tube and a lot of blood. I understand what you mean - lucky to be alive, but heartbroken for the baby.
Nothing really makes it better, but over time, it will hurt less, I promise. But there will always be some sadness for that baby. Give yourself the time to grieve for your loss and let your body heal.
Anytime you need to talk, feel free to message me - I understand how you're feeling. Go easy on yourself
09-06-2010 14:56 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Eboniesmum - i am so sorry that you have to go through this. what a heartbreaking thing to experience.
i have not suffered a eptopic pregnancy but i couldnt not reply to you. i found that talking about my miscarriage and the resulting feelings helped me through...and of course time.
please be kind and gentle to yourself
09-06-2010 16:59 #4
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy last September and the doctor also had to take my right tube. It was an awful time and I felt so sad, angry and lost, just like you. After I got out of hospital I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone for a few days and my husband was really good about fielding calls from people. Stay in bed if that's what you need to do. Cry if you need to. Scream if you need to. As the others have said, be kind to yourself and just let whatever feelings come.All I can say is that it does eventually get better in time.
09-06-2010 18:37 #5
Thankyou everyone, your support means alot xx
21-06-2010 11:57 #6
Hi all, well it's been 2 weeks now and i still feel no better, still cry all the time, still angry about alot of things, still in pain, still confused........seen the dr on friday and was told it would be best if i didn't try for a baby again until the end of the year which broke my heart.....i have 2 beautiful children who i love very much but it still hurts that i can't have another one now. I'm worried that the longer i wait the more likely it is my chances of becoming pregnant lessen due to my endometriosis and the fact i now only have 1 tube and possibly only 1 ovary......the dr's at the hospital can't tell me if they took it or not, 1 dr said no another said i think so and another said i dont know.....arghhhhhhhhhhhh
Anyway i'm having a really bad day today which is probably why i posted here again.
21-06-2010 13:54 #7
Eboniesmum, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had a cornual ectopic pregnancy in August 2008 and although the rawness of it does go I never stopped crying about it. Reading your post I have tears in my eyes again! I am so glad I had my son because if I didn't want to get up and get back to normal for his sake I don't know what would have happenned.
I had the right tube and the corner of my uterus removed. Because I now have a scar on my uterus it made future pregnancies a whole new issue and automatically "high risk".
I had 2 miscarriages before I had my son and although they tore my heart out I have to say that the ectopic was the worst. The physical pain from the operation (mine was operated on at around 7 weeks and had not ruptured) along with the pain of knowing that baby was healthy just in the wrong place was unbearable. Somehow the fact that the miscarriages happenned naturally made them slightly easier to cope with than this baby who had a heartbeat and still had to be cut out of me.
I couldn't even think of trying again for a long time, even though my age had me thinking my clock was ticking! We started trying around mid-late 2009 and are expecting our second healthy son next month. It only took us 3 cycles to concieve which I was amazed and overjoyed with as I thought it would be harder.
Did the doctors give a reason why you have to wait until the end of the year to try again? I'd be doing alot of reading up on it if you really want to try sooner, but remember we're nearly in month 7, it's not too far away!
21-06-2010 15:07 #8
Thanks and sorry for your loss too, such a horrible thing to go through.
I am the same, glad i have my 2 kids to make me want to get up and keep going
I have been told my next pregnancy will be "high risk" and that i'll need scans and blood tests as soon as i know i'm pregnant and then every 3 days until they are happy things are going well. I was also told i may need a c-section for future bubs.
I am so glad i found someone who feels the same as i do, i was beginning to feel horrible for thinking like i was. I have had a miscarriage aswell and i totally agree the ectopic was worse and for all the reasons you have said, what you have written is exactly what i would of written if asked to describe how i feel because it is truly how i feel. I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that the baby was still healthy, heart beating and all just in the wrong place, i felt like i had a forced abortion even though i know i had to have the surgery, miscarriage was definately easier to cope with knowing it was natural. I found on wikipedia i think it was an article about ectopic pregnancies and it showed a baby in it's sac and the ruptured tube next to it, the pregnancy was at 6 weeks like mine, was a horrible thing to see but at the same time it was good for me to help me understand a few things.
I don't really want to think about trying yet, i'm scared that this will happen again. I keep thinking my clock is ticking too, i never wanted to have kids after 30 and i'll be 30 next April but oh well. Wow thats quick to fall pregnant, hope it's quick for me when i start trying again, i think a long drawn out attempt at trying will only make things worse for me. I have endo so it took 14 months to conceive my ds and then only 7 months to conceive the bub i just lost.
They said i needed to let my body heal and get my cycle back in order. I don't think i'm emotionally ready to start trying right now so it's probably a good thing i wait. I have been looking at stuff on the internet and i might go to the library to see if they have books on ectopic pregnancies. Yeah it's not far till the end of the year which is good. Will probably start trying again in november.
Thanks and good luck with everything next month
Last edited by Eboniesmum; 21-06-2010 at 15:11.
21-06-2010 15:22 #9
i am so sorry. I had an ectopic pregnancy 8 weeks ago now. it is such a horrible thing to go through, but in no way are you alone.
I had immense pain and bleeding at 7 weeks. I was rushed in for emergency surgery and they said it was very close to bursting. they took my baby and my right tube.
I completly agree about feeling like it was taken from you. I still feel like it was my body that failed the baby. but it wasnt and i hate not knowing why.
I was feeling in pain, really upset and down too. it is a trauma as well because it is hard coming close to the pearly gates too! It is not something that you can get over quickly as it is a complex thing. I started seeing a psycologist last week as i was worried about ttc again (but soooo wanting a baby) and also i seemed to not be able to get myself ''up''. it is helping and i am glad i am taking the time out to do it. my physical pain heeled and i kind of expected for the emotional pain to heal as well. it will but i am being easier on myself now and i find talking about it to someone impartial helpful. i was beginning to blame myself and feel like i could not talk about it to my family as i felt i was letting them down too. but i now realise that is not the case and they are worried too.
I got af back after 6 weeks, and my dr said that we could start trying after that. so here we are at ovulation and it is hard, but i felt like i have kept moving a bit.
luvinmybub- congratulations! I am so pleased to hear that you are having a baby after ectopic. it gives me hope. all the best
i hope i have not written complete jumble. i am mid juggle but i wanted to write. pm me if you want to chat xxxx
21-06-2010 15:34 #10
I'm soo sorry this happend!! I haven't had a ectopic but I had a missed m/c and D&C with compliacations. I found it impossible to function the one and only thing that kept me going was knowing as soon as I was better I would try again.
I now have a beautiful 9 month on DD.
I know my story is totally different but the pain off loss is still the same
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