Yep, all is shared around here - including getting up to the kids in the night. DH loves to cook - i usually only end up cooking 1 or 2 meals a week and one of those is always of the slow cooker variety when we both work late. The only chore I am possesive of is the washing - I am a bit obsessive about caring for our clothes and am not willing to let DH near the washing machine...
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10-07-2010 21:18 #111
10-07-2010 22:01 #112
To all those ladies who have said 'Why do you put up with it' in response to posters who have said their partners don't do much.... I'd love to know what you suggest?
You can't make an adult do anything they don't choose to do. You can ask, you can even demand, but if it still doesn't happen your only choice is to leave, and if someone is a good person who loves you, gives you emotional support, makes you laugh, keeps you happy....why on earth would you do that because they don't clean up enough? To me that would be crazy, especially if a family is involved.
So any ideas as to how you can 'not put up with it' I would love to hear.
In case you hadn't guessed my DP doesn't do a lot. He will do chores if I write him a specific list and ask him to do it, but usually only about 60% of the things on the list get done. The twist with us is I am the breadwinner, out working long hours while he is at home (he's an artists - so he is working but it isn't bringing in anything). Then I get home and cook, tidy up, deal with mail/bills etc, tidy kitchen, do a wash .....it would be so nice to get home to some of that at least done since I am exhausted from putting a roof over our heads, worrying about our finances etc.
But all I can do is ask, and ask, and ask. I have tried just not doing it, but then I live in filth which effects my ability to function at work, which is important since it is supporting us right now. My latest thing is making him pay for a cleaner once a fortnight out of the little money he has so I don't have to do the big jobs. I am hoping that he resent paying so much he learns to do it himself to save the money 3 months later no joy with that though, but at least it's a little pressure off me.
Would love any other suggestions... Yes, he takes me for granted a little, but he is also a lovely, lovely guy who is always there for me in every other way.
10-07-2010 22:11 #113love my kidlets
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
jellyblush whats the plan once you have a baby though? will he be a SAHD and still not help?
my husband has changed 2 nappies all up between our 4 children.. woken up maybe a handful of times at night and ONLY if im already awake with another child.. he's shocking BUT i am a SAHM. imo this is my job & i love every second so i dont resent that at all. im lucky to not have to work. but for you to work THEN go home and do everything just doesnt seem fair at all.. i would never expect that of my husband.
why wont your husband help? genuine question
10-07-2010 22:15 #114
I would leave because to me it wouldn't show him as a nice person. If he loved and respected me he wouldn't tratvme like his maid. So yes if my DH didn't help I'd ask him to and explain how it makes me feel and if he didn't make an effort then it would show how little he cared. Regardless of how 'nice' he was.
10-07-2010 22:31 #115
Thanks for your responses ladies...
i would never expect that of my husband.
why wont your husband help? genuine question
So yes if my DH didn't help I'd ask him to and explain how it makes me feel and if he didn't make an effort then it would show how little he cared.
10-07-2010 23:31 #116Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
For me I would not have been attracted to someone who does nothing much in the first place.
I don't believe in being taken for granted, or living in filth if I don't do anything, I guess its a personal standard we set for ourselves.
We teach people how we want to be treated.
10-07-2010 23:45 #117
I would never ever expect my dp to go to work then come home and do everything while I was making cakes/painting.., and if he expected the same of me(or used me in the same way because he failed to make an effort or really try) then I wouldn't stick around. Because getting a free ride to me doesn't equate to an equal partnership or worthwhile relationship. It would be an indication to me that while I struggled with everyday life, DP was living a life of leisure on the back of someone elses hard work. TO ME that kind of system wouldn't work. I need to know that we will both jump head first into the 'things that need to be done' so we can enjoy TOGETHER the things that 'want to be done' and I wouldn't have it any other way!! And I certainly wouldn't set that as the norm for DD
24-07-2010 23:10 #118
I have to admit my fiance IS AWESOME!!! From 12 weeks into my pregnancy he has done everything... apparently my job is to look after the baby... I was put on bed rest at 12 weeks as well... and he has been ever so helpful. Considering he works 2 jobs, had never done the cooking or washing or anything else he has grown by leaps and bounds
25-07-2010 23:14 #119Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
My hubby dose all the clothes washing and cooks dinner everynight. he is very helpful around the house. i do the rest wash dishes,make beds,vacume and mop the floors.
31-07-2010 20:58 #120
Those of you with husbands/partners that help, do they have to be TOLD? Were they always like this or did you have to 'train' them? I am over feeling like a single parent. My partner thinks that if he helps sometimes that's enough he doesn't understand that I need help every day/night, but we have the same argument/conversation every single night cos it's always me getting the kids ready for bed, me doing the dishes (weather it's me who cooked or him) me cleaning the kitchen, me putting clothes away, me dealing with Skye's sleep problems (his idea of helping with that is yelling from the couch 'go to bed!') me that gets the kids' snacks/lunchs ready for kinder and daycare, while he lies on the couch. OMFG!!!
Last edited by mum2bubba; 31-07-2010 at 21:01.
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