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  1. #501
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    We got our invitation the attend an information on PC today yay! We'll be attending the session in July, just after my birthday

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saffronsunshine View Post
    Wow! I can imagine all the excitement of wanting to run out and buy all the baby stuff. I attended the info night for Adoption tonight and I already want to set up a nursery.

    It was a 3 hour drive there and 3 hours on the way back but it was really worth it. They said only 11 adoptions were finalised in 2016 and there were at least 20 couples in the room... I think a lot of people were considering Perm Care after the stats. But I'm hopeful - perm care doesn't suit our situation and I'm realistic that it could be several years before I'm a mama. I'm in this for the long haul and willing to wait it out.

    Just a quick update - but I've been keeping up with all the comments. It's so great being able to share this journey with others!
    Saffronsunshine, would you mind me asking why you think PC isn't for you? Apologies if too personal and please feel free not to answer!

  3. #503
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    Hello to you all, I haven't dropped in here for a while but have been following along. I am so pleased to see this thread active again. I am doing my final IVF cycle of our last frozen embryo later this year and then will be moving on to adoption and permanent care (probably a dual application). We have already attended both information sessions and I am feeling positive that this is the right way forward for us. I have been feeling like a bit of a stalker on this thread and so just wanted to say hello and let you all know I am here. It has been encouraging reading all of your stories and I have been enjoying the positivity from this thread I am sure I will be joining in more once we move forward in the process probably early next year which will be 6 months after our final transfer.

  4. #504
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    Hi all,

    So – I have been receiving and reading updates on this thread for well over a year now. Adoption is something that has always been in my heart ever since I was a young child, and has become much closer to being a reality in recent times. My husband and I married in December 2014 – I was pretty certain I would return from our honeymoon pregnant – and for the first 6-8 months after the wedding, convinced myself I was late almost every month, could have taken out shares in pregnancy testers and every month after that negative test, with almost 100% predictability I would have that visit from Aunt Flo the very next day. This was very confusing for me, as I had actually fallen pregnant previously whilst on the pill and transitioning to the implanon. I was in a serious relationship at that time but also in high school and did not continue with the pregnancy, as hard as it was, but always thought I would have plenty of time in the future to create that family I had always wanted.

    We went to the Dr’s and complained about our lack of pregnancy – to which we were told we were young (31 and 32) and to wait the full 12 months of trying – but I already knew there was something amiss. We returned at 12 months and were told to wait another 6 months – all preliminary tests looked fine, including hubby’s swimmers. I waited maybe two, and went back in and demanded a referral. Our initial referral was to a local IVF clinic and I made the appointment. When the nurse called to confirm the appointment, she advised me of the cost just to see the FS for the first time – I almost died, we didn’t have that kind of money! I was initially told there was no point seeing a FS publicly due to the wait, but had in the meantime spoken to others who had been through the royal womens as a public patient and went back and demanded a referral to them. Our wait was only a matter of weeks, not months-years as we were told. Anyway, those tests revealed that I was fine, and hubby’s swimmers were lacking in numbers, shape and speed/direction. We had more tests to rule out any other issues with me, and hubby’s third test showed less than 1% good swimmers – with every test/screen the results got worse. It was now almost 18 months since I was certain I would have that positive result with little effort or time, and we were both angry and upset that we had “waited” when we both knew there was an issue.

    We talked about our options – IVF vs Adoption vs Perm Care. We were both interested in adoption and did quite a lot of research. We decided we would try IVF first and hopefully have a baby that way, and adopt our second. If the IVF did not work, we would then move to adoption.

    Then came the cost of IVF. I researched and researched the idea of accessing super for this, planned an overseas trip as a last hurrah for December and decided we would get the funds and start our IVF journey in 2017. Money in our account and ready to go, it is late October and we head to my Mother’s for dinner. Whilst eating she casually asks if I had heard that one of my cousins had given birth to another child. I asked “was this one living with her mum (my aunt) too?”. (Birth mum has drug/alcohol/family violence issues as well as an acquired brain injury caused by a stroke – caused by the drugs)… To which Mum responded no, my Aunt already had her 14yo and 2yo grandchildren (siblings to new baby) as well as her 35yo adult son living with her in a 2 bedroom flat. She did not have the space or capacity to care for another baby. She only knew the baby existed as once born she received a call from the hospital to ask could she take him (no one knew about the pregnancy). She had told her daughter, the birth mum, to give the little bubba up for adoption but she refused, and so he went into emergency foster care after a few weeks in hospital and that is where he was now. I turned to my husband and said in a half joking way “hey, free baby”… Mum said that wasn’t such a stupid idea.. Of course they (DHHS) prefer kids to be with family where possible. We went to bed, having only spoken briefly about it – neither of us wanting to commit to our true thoughts or feelings.

    Waking up in the morning, we had the discussion that we had avoided the night before. We had both made up our minds, and asked Mum to call her sister (my aunt, the baby’s grandmother) and run it past her. Whilst it would not ultimately be up to her, we wanted to make sure we were not stepping on anyone’s toes. Then came the three weeks from hell when we on a number of occasions dealt with DHHS absolute incompetence and proof that they have a very serious lack of adequate staffing to deal with work load. They thought our address was the other side of the state, so we would not be close enough for Birth Mum to visit initially, so didn’t put our police checks through. I waited every day for that result, and wasn’t until I rang and got hold of a team leader (I rang every day lol) that I found out there weren’t even started. Thankfully the Team Leader lived not so far from us – and realised the error/issue. Then came meeting the little man – it had to be arranged via DHHS, via the foster care agency and via the foster carer. We were promised a visit but it never happened. We should have had the little man with us as soon as police checks and house inspection were done, however because the next court date was only a week away, they decided to hold off and just wait for that as it would be less paperwork… Grrrrrr!!!!!!

    Court date came around – we were told to prepare for the little ones arrival, but nothing is definite until the magistrate makes the order. I had just finished my work rotation (2 days, 2 nights – 12 hours each) at 7am Friday morning. I shot home for a quick 1 hr nap, and then dressed and in the car to the other side of the city for court. Here I saw my cousin (birth mum) for the first time since we were kids. What I was presented with was pretty shocking. Mum and hubby were with me and we had full support of my aunt (grandma for baby). Of course his case was last to be heard, and without even entering the court room ourselves, we were parents. I cried for my cousin who would be leaving that day empty handed – she is in no way fit to be a mum, but at the same time I cant even imagine her pain of having her babies taken from her. So my cousin left with her advocate worker, and we waited for the order to be complete. We then had to drive to another part of the city and were meant to be meeting the foster carer. Foster carer has no car today, so more delays whilst DHHS go and pick baby up. We eventually meet the most beautiful 6 week old baby boy in a mcdonalds carpark of all places. He was literally passed to us with two changes of clothes, some formula, a bottle and two dummies and a few nappies. That’s it!

    We took turns at riding in the back seat to croon over the little fellow, and so with no sleep for the last 24 hours, so began our life as parents.

    Isn’t it crazy how things turn out in the end. Little man has been with us for almost 7 months now. It’s certainly not all smooth sailing though. His birth mum is meant to see him twice a week, and has to confirm her contacts by 9:30 the morning of. The reality is she only see’s him every few visits. We have had a number of court cases as BM (birth mum) didn’t want to agree to the DHHS orders. Visits were meant to be reduced at the last date, but she and her lawyers finally agreed so everything else was left as is. She is still not making most visits and has not completed any of the other requirements for DHHS such as drug tests etc. She has until September to do so – and we go back to court again. The new legislation says all children of his age should have permanency within 12 months but the court and legal systems are far from ideal so it will be a matter of wait and see. We also face other issues such as no birth certificate, and no solution to that in the near future due to the lack of cooperation of the bio father.

    In the meantime we have the most amazing, sweet, cute and darling little boy who knows only us as Mum and Dad. He got his first tooth a few days ago, and he grows and changes every day. Because he is in kinship care with us – I had no parental leave – so only had 5 weeks off to bond with him before heading back to work. Hubby has had to put his own business on hold to be stay at home dad. Mum (Gran) helps out one night a week and hubby’s Mum visits and watches him during the day for us when she can. We have visits with his full brother (2yo) and half-brother (14yo) and Nan (maternal grandmother) every few weeks, and this little baby has brought that side of our family back together. Visits with bio mum when they do go ahead are hard – right now I am her hero – I stopped her little boy from going into foster care with strangers – and am caring for him now. She still has hopes of having him in her custody which is almost impossible – and eventually I will have to give evidence against her in court, in the best interest of baby boy. This is hard – as despite BM’s issues, she is still sweet and kind, and I genuinely have empathy for her and her situation. Visits are tough, as she cannot read his cues or settle him when he gets upset – and then of course he just wants us…

    We still have the money for one full IVF cycle in the bank – but I’m not sure I want to use it anymore. Baby boy’s 14yo half brother has gone to live with his Dad… 2yo full brother still lives with his grandmother – but as you know – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and bio mum’s issues come from her family. It’s not the worst situation for the 2yo but it’s not the most ideal either. We are biding our time until we have some sort of permanency for our little one before we make too much of a noise about the 2yo. I don’t wish to take him from my aunt (his Nan) but he is our little ones full brother – and so I also feel a responsibility to him and his wellbeing and best interest also. We will see how we go.

    In the meantime we still toy with the idea of adoption/PC for our second child – wether it be our little ones brother or another child altogether. My IVF money sits in my account, as a just incase – but I am hoping we don’t have to use it and one day when everything is done and dusted and signed on the dotted line we will be able to use it to take our little one (and possibly a biological or non biological sibling) on a trip to Disneyland!

    Anyway, I just jumped online to find the phone number to properly register for the PC/adoption info sessions – might as well get them out of the way so they are at least ticked off. Thought I would share my story. Has been a crazy 6-7 months – lots of ups – heaps of downs – much more controversial than what some of you will experience – but our PC story just the same – even if it is still in progress. Wish us and the worlds most beautiful little man luck!

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to erin993 For This Useful Post:

    dani251  (15-05-2017),JustJaq  (14-05-2017),Saffronsunshine  (14-05-2017)

  6. #505
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    Wow @erin993 what a journey you have had! Thanks for sharing xo

  7. #506
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    Default Local Infant Adoption in Victoria

    .
    Last edited by ShannyAnny; 13-05-2017 at 09:11. Reason: Duplicate post

  8. #507
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    Quote Originally Posted by erin993 View Post
    Hi all,

    So – I have been receiving and reading updates on this thread for well over a year now. Adoption is something that has always been in my heart ever since I was a young child, and has become much closer to being a reality in recent times. My husband and I married in December 2014 – I was pretty certain I would return from our honeymoon pregnant – and for the first 6-8 months after the wedding, convinced myself I was late almost every month, could have taken out shares in pregnancy testers and every month after that negative test, with almost 100% predictability I would have that visit from Aunt Flo the very next day. This was very confusing for me, as I had actually fallen pregnant previously whilst on the pill and transitioning to the implanon. I was in a serious relationship at that time but also in high school and did not continue with the pregnancy, as hard as it was, but always thought I would have plenty of time in the future to create that family I had always wanted.

    We went to the Dr’s and complained about our lack of pregnancy – to which we were told we were young (31 and 32) and to wait the full 12 months of trying – but I already knew there was something amiss. We returned at 12 months and were told to wait another 6 months – all preliminary tests looked fine, including hubby’s swimmers. I waited maybe two, and went back in and demanded a referral. Our initial referral was to a local IVF clinic and I made the appointment. When the nurse called to confirm the appointment, she advised me of the cost just to see the FS for the first time – I almost died, we didn’t have that kind of money! I was initially told there was no point seeing a FS publicly due to the wait, but had in the meantime spoken to others who had been through the royal womens as a public patient and went back and demanded a referral to them. Our wait was only a matter of weeks, not months-years as we were told. Anyway, those tests revealed that I was fine, and hubby’s swimmers were lacking in numbers, shape and speed/direction. We had more tests to rule out any other issues with me, and hubby’s third test showed less than 1% good swimmers – with every test/screen the results got worse. It was now almost 18 months since I was certain I would have that positive result with little effort or time, and we were both angry and upset that we had “waited” when we both knew there was an issue.

    We talked about our options – IVF vs Adoption vs Perm Care. We were both interested in adoption and did quite a lot of research. We decided we would try IVF first and hopefully have a baby that way, and adopt our second. If the IVF did not work, we would then move to adoption.

    Then came the cost of IVF. I researched and researched the idea of accessing super for this, planned an overseas trip as a last hurrah for December and decided we would get the funds and start our IVF journey in 2017. Money in our account and ready to go, it is late October and we head to my Mother’s for dinner. Whilst eating she casually asks if I had heard that one of my cousins had given birth to another child. I asked “was this one living with her mum (my aunt) too?”. (Birth mum has drug/alcohol/family violence issues as well as an acquired brain injury caused by a stroke – caused by the drugs)… To which Mum responded no, my Aunt already had her 14yo and 2yo grandchildren (siblings to new baby) as well as her 35yo adult son living with her in a 2 bedroom flat. She did not have the space or capacity to care for another baby. She only knew the baby existed as once born she received a call from the hospital to ask could she take him (no one knew about the pregnancy). She had told her daughter, the birth mum, to give the little bubba up for adoption but she refused, and so he went into emergency foster care after a few weeks in hospital and that is where he was now. I turned to my husband and said in a half joking way “hey, free baby”… Mum said that wasn’t such a stupid idea.. Of course they (DHHS) prefer kids to be with family where possible. We went to bed, having only spoken briefly about it – neither of us wanting to commit to our true thoughts or feelings.

    Waking up in the morning, we had the discussion that we had avoided the night before. We had both made up our minds, and asked Mum to call her sister (my aunt, the baby’s grandmother) and run it past her. Whilst it would not ultimately be up to her, we wanted to make sure we were not stepping on anyone’s toes. Then came the three weeks from hell when we on a number of occasions dealt with DHHS absolute incompetence and proof that they have a very serious lack of adequate staffing to deal with work load. They thought our address was the other side of the state, so we would not be close enough for Birth Mum to visit initially, so didn’t put our police checks through. I waited every day for that result, and wasn’t until I rang and got hold of a team leader (I rang every day lol) that I found out there weren’t even started. Thankfully the Team Leader lived not so far from us – and realised the error/issue. Then came meeting the little man – it had to be arranged via DHHS, via the foster care agency and via the foster carer. We were promised a visit but it never happened. We should have had the little man with us as soon as police checks and house inspection were done, however because the next court date was only a week away, they decided to hold off and just wait for that as it would be less paperwork… Grrrrrr!!!!!!

    Court date came around – we were told to prepare for the little ones arrival, but nothing is definite until the magistrate makes the order. I had just finished my work rotation (2 days, 2 nights – 12 hours each) at 7am Friday morning. I shot home for a quick 1 hr nap, and then dressed and in the car to the other side of the city for court. Here I saw my cousin (birth mum) for the first time since we were kids. What I was presented with was pretty shocking. Mum and hubby were with me and we had full support of my aunt (grandma for baby). Of course his case was last to be heard, and without even entering the court room ourselves, we were parents. I cried for my cousin who would be leaving that day empty handed – she is in no way fit to be a mum, but at the same time I cant even imagine her pain of having her babies taken from her. So my cousin left with her advocate worker, and we waited for the order to be complete. We then had to drive to another part of the city and were meant to be meeting the foster carer. Foster carer has no car today, so more delays whilst DHHS go and pick baby up. We eventually meet the most beautiful 6 week old baby boy in a mcdonalds carpark of all places. He was literally passed to us with two changes of clothes, some formula, a bottle and two dummies and a few nappies. That’s it!

    We took turns at riding in the back seat to croon over the little fellow, and so with no sleep for the last 24 hours, so began our life as parents.

    Isn’t it crazy how things turn out in the end. Little man has been with us for almost 7 months now. It’s certainly not all smooth sailing though. His birth mum is meant to see him twice a week, and has to confirm her contacts by 9:30 the morning of. The reality is she only see’s him every few visits. We have had a number of court cases as BM (birth mum) didn’t want to agree to the DHHS orders. Visits were meant to be reduced at the last date, but she and her lawyers finally agreed so everything else was left as is. She is still not making most visits and has not completed any of the other requirements for DHHS such as drug tests etc. She has until September to do so – and we go back to court again. The new legislation says all children of his age should have permanency within 12 months but the court and legal systems are far from ideal so it will be a matter of wait and see. We also face other issues such as no birth certificate, and no solution to that in the near future due to the lack of cooperation of the bio father.

    In the meantime we have the most amazing, sweet, cute and darling little boy who knows only us as Mum and Dad. He got his first tooth a few days ago, and he grows and changes every day. Because he is in kinship care with us – I had no parental leave – so only had 5 weeks off to bond with him before heading back to work. Hubby has had to put his own business on hold to be stay at home dad. Mum (Gran) helps out one night a week and hubby’s Mum visits and watches him during the day for us when she can. We have visits with his full brother (2yo) and half-brother (14yo) and Nan (maternal grandmother) every few weeks, and this little baby has brought that side of our family back together. Visits with bio mum when they do go ahead are hard – right now I am her hero – I stopped her little boy from going into foster care with strangers – and am caring for him now. She still has hopes of having him in her custody which is almost impossible – and eventually I will have to give evidence against her in court, in the best interest of baby boy. This is hard – as despite BM’s issues, she is still sweet and kind, and I genuinely have empathy for her and her situation. Visits are tough, as she cannot read his cues or settle him when he gets upset – and then of course he just wants us…

    We still have the money for one full IVF cycle in the bank – but I’m not sure I want to use it anymore. Baby boy’s 14yo half brother has gone to live with his Dad… 2yo full brother still lives with his grandmother – but as you know – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and bio mum’s issues come from her family. It’s not the worst situation for the 2yo but it’s not the most ideal either. We are biding our time until we have some sort of permanency for our little one before we make too much of a noise about the 2yo. I don’t wish to take him from my aunt (his Nan) but he is our little ones full brother – and so I also feel a responsibility to him and his wellbeing and best interest also. We will see how we go.

    In the meantime we still toy with the idea of adoption/PC for our second child – wether it be our little ones brother or another child altogether. My IVF money sits in my account, as a just incase – but I am hoping we don’t have to use it and one day when everything is done and dusted and signed on the dotted line we will be able to use it to take our little one (and possibly a biological or non biological sibling) on a trip to Disneyland!

    Anyway, I just jumped online to find the phone number to properly register for the PC/adoption info sessions – might as well get them out of the way so they are at least ticked off. Thought I would share my story. Has been a crazy 6-7 months – lots of ups – heaps of downs – much more controversial than what some of you will experience – but our PC story just the same – even if it is still in progress. Wish us and the worlds most beautiful little man luck!
    Thank you so much for sharing, I just finished reading this and have tears in my eyes - it's so beautiful that you have given your little man a safe and loving home.

  9. #508
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShannyAnny View Post
    Hello to you all, I haven't dropped in here for a while but have been following along. I am so pleased to see this thread active again. I am doing my final IVF cycle of our last frozen embryo later this year and then will be moving on to adoption and permanent care (probably a dual application). We have already attended both information sessions and I am feeling positive that this is the right way forward for us. I have been feeling like a bit of a stalker on this thread and so just wanted to say hello and let you all know I am here. It has been encouraging reading all of your stories and I have been enjoying the positivity from this thread I am sure I will be joining in more once we move forward in the process probably early next year which will be 6 months after our final transfer.
    It's nice to have you here Shannyanny! I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, it must be hard. Hubby and I struggled with getting pregnant and found out I am the one with the issues. We decided not to go through IVF, just our personal decision as I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to handle it if it didn't work. We are attending the info session for PC in July and will look at applying for both PC and adoption. This thread has honestly been a lifesaver, not a lot of people understand our decision so it's nice to speak with people who do!

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to TahliB For This Useful Post:

    ShannyAnny  (15-05-2017)

  11. #509
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    Hello everyone!
    Just thought I'd touch base again after some time as I receive each and every one of your comments. I am so proud to have begun this thread in 2010 on the precipice of the biggest journey of our lives and am so happy that, 7 years on, it continues to give people information, support, comfort and a listening ear! My goal posting on here was to reach out for advice at a time when there (and still is) very little "emotional" information in particular about Infant Adoption in Victoria...Im sad to hear that there still isnt a local adoption support group in this state, but am happy that this thread goes some way to offer the advice that sometimes social workers are simply not able to give!
    Just an update on us, we are blissfully in love with our 2 girls, half sisters who came to us through the Infant Adoption program...our eldest has just started school at 5 years old and our youngest is 3.5years old....they are truly the love of our lives.
    The journey you are on is a tired, lonely, painfully slow and often frustrating one, but I guarantee every second, every form, every info night, every tear will be worth it if you are blessed with a baby...I continue to wish you all the very best in your journey's and hope that it is a positive one for each and every one of you...there is lots of hope and joy to be had and believe me, the wait WILL be worth it.
    Much love,
    Gosia

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Gosia1976 For This Useful Post:

    Mave  (19-05-2017),ShannyAnny  (15-05-2017)

  13. #510
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gosia1976 View Post
    Hello everyone!
    Just thought I'd touch base again after some time as I receive each and every one of your comments. I am so proud to have begun this thread in 2010 on the precipice of the biggest journey of our lives and am so happy that, 7 years on, it continues to give people information, support, comfort and a listening ear! My goal posting on here was to reach out for advice at a time when there (and still is) very little "emotional" information in particular about Infant Adoption in Victoria...Im sad to hear that there still isnt a local adoption support group in this state, but am happy that this thread goes some way to offer the advice that sometimes social workers are simply not able to give!
    Just an update on us, we are blissfully in love with our 2 girls, half sisters who came to us through the Infant Adoption program...our eldest has just started school at 5 years old and our youngest is 3.5years old....they are truly the love of our lives.
    The journey you are on is a tired, lonely, painfully slow and often frustrating one, but I guarantee every second, every form, every info night, every tear will be worth it if you are blessed with a baby...I continue to wish you all the very best in your journey's and hope that it is a positive one for each and every one of you...there is lots of hope and joy to be had and believe me, the wait WILL be worth it.
    Much love,
    Gosia
    Thank you! It's been so great to read the journeys over the years and it was actually this thread that made me get my butt into gear and to finally apply for the adoption info night after years of considering it. You've created a legacy and I'm sure this thread will be impacting lives for years to come.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Saffronsunshine For This Useful Post:

    Mave  (19-05-2017)


 

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