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  1. #421
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    Default Local Infant Adoption in Victoria

    Hi girls, I'm going to go back & read from the start of this thread properly tomoro - it just appeared in front of my eyes tonite & I wonder if it's a sign.

    I'm almost 42 & have been doing IVF the past couple of years. We may be getting close to the end of the line with IVF as I have issues with my endometrial lining & am now seeing an FS in Brisbane (I live in Melbourne) in the hope he can work a last miracle. I'm praying he can but I've had some bad news again today after a myriad of drugs my lining is still rubbish. And I can't honestly see us going the surrogacy route.

    My DP & I have talked about adoption almost since we started IVF. We both knew we wanted a family- regardless of how that family is created. And I'm starting to feel that adoption may be our last chance at a family.

    I feel so hopeless about everything at the moment & everything I hear about adoption is that it's too hard, takes too long, and very frustrating.

    My almost 42, my DP is 35, were both nurses & have flexible work options. I know u have to be done with IVF for 6 months before they'll even consider doing anything with you regarding adoption. But is there any point in hoping that adoption could really be a real & viable option for us??

    I'd appreciate your thoughts/ opinions.

  2. #422
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie74 View Post
    Hi girls, I'm going to go back & read from the start of this thread properly tomoro - it just appeared in front of my eyes tonite & I wonder if it's a sign.

    I'm almost 42 & have been doing IVF the past couple of years. We may be getting close to the end of the line with IVF as I have issues with my endometrial lining & am now seeing an FS in Brisbane (I live in Melbourne) in the hope he can work a last miracle. I'm praying he can but I've had some bad news again today after a myriad of drugs my lining is still rubbish. And I can't honestly see us going the surrogacy route.

    My DP & I have talked about adoption almost since we started IVF. We both knew we wanted a family- regardless of how that family is created. And I'm starting to feel that adoption may be our last chance at a family.

    I feel so hopeless about everything at the moment & everything I hear about adoption is that it's too hard, takes too long, and very frustrating.

    My almost 42, my DP is 35, were both nurses & have flexible work options. I know u have to be done with IVF for 6 months before they'll even consider doing anything with you regarding adoption. But is there any point in hoping that adoption could really be a real & viable option for us??

    I'd appreciate your thoughts/ opinions.
    Hi Charlie,
    I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle. I too went through similar and it's truly a tough gig 😔
    Just wanted to let you know that I am living breathing proof that adoption is not a hopeless dream. We have two adopted (locally) girls aged 3 years and 8 months and our family dream came true through adoption.
    Wishing you all the very best.
    Cheers, Macks

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    Charlie74  (17-10-2016)

  4. #423
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    Quote Originally Posted by Macks View Post
    Hi Charlie,
    I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle. I too went through similar and it's truly a tough gig
    Just wanted to let you know that I am living breathing proof that adoption is not a hopeless dream. We have two adopted (locally) girls aged 3 years and 8 months and our family dream came true through adoption.
    Wishing you all the very best.
    Cheers, Macks
    That's amazing to hear @Macks.. And worth all the struggles in the end I'm sure. Congratulations to you.

    I'm sure this has been asked but does age matter?? I thought I read somewhere once that you can only be a certain amount of years older than any child you adopt?

  5. #424
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    Through all the training and interviews we went through an age cut off was never mentioned but I may be wrong.

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  7. #425
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    Hi Charlie74,
    As I'm writing this I am having breakfast with my 7 month old daughter, she has been with us 2 months and is the light of our lives. I am 38 and DH is 41. As I understand there is no age cut off for local adoption, however it may be a factor that birth parents take into account when considering a family. Having said that, we know why our daughters birth parents chose us and age was not one of their reasons.
    You are correct that you need to have stopped IVF 6 months before applying for adoption, but prior to that are information and training sessions. If you contact adoption and permanent care they will have a longer discussion with you about where your at.
    I wish you all the best with your journey to parenthood.
    Walhalla

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    Charlie74  (18-10-2016)

  9. #426
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    Default Local Infant Adoption in Victoria

    Thanks for your replies girls. Your stories are fantastic to read.

    Do u think if I ring up I'll be able to ask some basic questions just so that we can have an idea of whether it's worth pursuing adoption? Most of them really have been covered In here but it would be good to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak, basically I want to be sure:
    1. there's not a cut off that im close to hitting being almost 42
    2. We're choosing to move into my partners parents home in Feb so that we can build a new home- will that go against us bcos it may be for 18-24mths
    3. We're not married, been together 3yrs and plan to get married but it seems like from a previous poster earlier this year that it might be difficult to prove a 'defacto' relationship. Although the previous poster didn't actually say why it was so difficult... But it has me worried!
    4. More info on what is required if someone has previously had a serious health issue. My DP had a very serious health issue almost 4 yrs ago so I'm guessing they'll want the 3 specialists thing done.. I'm wondering exactly what that involves.

    I'm hoping I can actually talk to someone & get some answers just so we can know whether it's worth going to an info session at least.

    Also, if your comfortable answering, for those of you who have successfully adopted.. I know that obviously now you wouldn't change a thing.. But Beforehand, before your children were right I front of you to love- did you ever worry that maybe you wouldn't bond with them? That you would always feel like they were someone else's child? Or that you wouldn't really feel like their mum?? Did you call yourself 'mum/mummy' straight away from the minute that you held your newly adopted baby? Or did it take some time & adjusting to get to that place psychologically?

    These are the things I've started thinking about.. Does everyone feel like that or think those kind of things when they start seriously considering adoption. I guess I'm only just really coming to terms with the fact that IVF isn't working for us, & adoption is now looking like a real option to at least try pursuing. Do they maybe cover all this kind of stuff at the info sessions?
    Last edited by Charlie74; 22-10-2016 at 15:02.

  10. #427
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    Default answers

    Hi Charlie74,

    My husband and I are also going through the adoption process and so I thought I would answer some of your questions given we have some similar history.

    From memory, yes there is a cut off for age. However it has something to do with the difference between the primary caregiver and the child. I am close to 40 and I remember worrying that I was getting too old, however I rung and asked, and it came up during one of the info sessions that no, it was fine. I'm not 100% sure if the age difference wasn't allowed to be more than 50 years or 45 years. I think it might have been 50, but please check.

    Your second question about moving house. I don;t think that would be an issue. Especially if it will take 2 years max. We have been going through the process to be registered and we are now almost 2 years in and still are not registered. It is a very long and slow process to be aware of that. During one of the first info sessions we went to, they said it would take a year to become registered from the date of that info session. Very wrong.

    Your third question about being in a de facto relationship, I'm sorry I can't help you there. We're married, so I'm not sure what is required to prove a de facto relationship.

    As for your fourth question about health issues, both my hubby and I have those. My husband had cancer (not sure if this is as serious or more serious than your partner) and I have a blood condition that has prevented me from carrying my babies to full term. In both cases, all that was required was providing doctors letters to say that my husband is in the clear (cancer removed and treatment followed through, no more signs of the cancer) and I needed a letter from my doctors about my condition. They then had there doctors look at it to see whether this would affect my ability to parent - which it doesn't.

    You also asked about becoming a mum. I can't answer that, as we are not there yet. However I can tell you a few things about finding out more information:
    1, call your local adoption agency. Here is the link to find your closest one:
    http://www.dhs.vic.gov.au/for-indivi...s-contact-list. When we called our local agency, the lady was lovely and answered most of our questions.

    2, go to the info session. Heaps of information about the process and where to start.

    3, the training days are the best. They are two full days (at least ours was) of information about everything. During these days, we had a successful couple come and talk to us about their experience - so you can hear first hand about becoming parents and you can ask them questions. Also, during these training days, they spend a lot of time explaining the emotional journey for you (as adoptive parents) the child and the birth parents. It really is a valuable and enlightening experience.

    I hope this helps. We've also been through the IVF journey. We were lucky to fall pregnant twice, but as I explained I have a blood condition which prevents me from carrying to full term - so I lost my babies half way through both pregnancies. So far this hasn't really come up in the process (apart from explaining our infertility and providing evidence around stopping IVF treatments) but I am beginning to wonder about the conversations that will be around this -in terms of our mental health, and whether we will be deemed mentally fit to proceed. I feel we are, but I'm not sure what they will be judging that on...

    Best of luck with your journey!!!

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  12. #428
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    Thanks heaps @adorelgc, that's a huge amount of information you've given me. I really appreciate it.

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    Hello everyone. I've just spent most of my Sunday afternoon reading through this entire thread and it's been so interesting and inspiring. I have just reached the end of the road with ivf and have decided it's not worth pursuing any longer after a recent final failed donor cycle in South Africa.

    I'm 39 in a month and my fiancé is 36. We have been living together for just over two years and are both in agreement that the next step for us is adoption. He has triplets to a previous marriage however they live interstate with their mother.

    I'm trying to work out of adoption will be a viable option for us also. My concerns are;

    Getting the required report from my fertility specialist. Should this come from Australia or could I ask the South African specialist to write it? My FS in Melbourne is kind of not my specialist anymore so I'm wondering if he's help.

    What sort of documents do you need to provide to show de facto status for two years. Dp was living with me in my own apartment so no lease and no bills in his name. He changed his address but I thinks that's it. We've been in our current property for over a year and his name is on that lease.

    Has anyone fostered while they waited and went through the adoption process. Would this look favourably on you or just cause more confusion/issues.

    We are both in good health, no bmi issues or mental health issues so at least those things could be a positive.

    I'm excited to leave ivf behind and focus on new opportunities and I look forward to reading along with everyone else here. I'm in south east Melbourne.

  14. #430
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    Hi Caesar

    I'm in Qld, but my partner and I are defacto, successfully adopted and are on the prospective adoptive parent list again - in the wait for the last few months. Feel super anxious just waiting....most of the time I try not to think about it.

    Stat decs family and friends, joint accounts, our own stat dec giving the history of our relationship were what we used to prove our relationship.

    I knew the minute I saw our child that this child was mine. It was not a mind meld though and our bonding took months. Totally worth it.

    Good luck! It's worth it in the end.

    Penny

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