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  1. #1
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    Default advice wanted: how to announce to infertile family members?

    I haven't posted around these parts for ages, but I feel so worried about this and would really appreciate the POV of others- especially people who have gone through fertility problems.....

    Well, I am 10 weeks pregnant with my 2nd bubba. We are overjoyed. The time is coming to tell family members. The thing is that my DH's brother and his wife have been going through infertility troubles for 5 years or so. We started trying after they did and now have an almost 2 year old, and another on the way. They live overseas, so we see them very irregularly, but when we do it is clear how much pain they are going through. My SIL has some major issues with me (understandably) being able to have babies and her not, and has been a ~leetle~ unpleasant to me in the past about it all.

    So how can we tell them in the best way for them? Is there anything we can do or say to make it easier? Should we just go full steam ahead and announce, be happy and leave it to them to sort out their own issues? I don't know!!! HELP!

  2. #2
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    Hi Eath mother,
    I have not been in this exact position, But did go though my sister inlaw being dificult with the family after learning that we were having a girl, just the second girl of 10 grandkids. she has issues with her dad not paying her boys attenion and only paying her twin sisters little girl attenion. its a family thing. and unfortinately if your sister in law has not been nice to you it's her issue not yours. You will have to tell them because if someone else lets it slip, she won't be happy. Maybe if you tell her that you feel for there situation and wished that they were telling you happy news instead of this way it might be a bit better. but once you have told them, let them deal with it and be happy for you. unfortunitly we can't control the emotions of others.
    I do feel for you.

  3. #3
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    I agree, it has to be done, I think deep down, she will be sad and probably annoyed about it, but there is nothing you can do about that, and it shouldnt stop your joy.

    I had to tell my sister in law that we are expecting our third, when they have been trying for number two for 4 years...I felt bad, she took it well, on the outside, but I know deep down she is not happy, and I dont have the best relationship with her anyway.

    Good luck

  4. #4
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    I would tell them first and I would tell them on their own.

    Telling them first means they won't find out about it from someone else and telling them on their own means they won't have to hide their sadness in front of other people - not to say they won't be happy for you, but they will feel sad for their own circumstances.

    We went through a 6yr emotional rollercoaster ttc and every time someone announced they were pg it was just another kick in the guts for us that we couldn't (I was always happy for those announcing this exciting news, but deep down very sad and wondering why it wasn't happening to us).

    It is very nice that you are thinking of their feeling's and I'm sure they will appreciate it, that is what is needed when someone is infertile - support and understanding.

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    Thanks for these lovely, thoughtful responses. I think we will call them this Sunday. I will get DH to tell his brother I think, and just see how it unfolds from there .

    The thing is that realistically, they must be expecting this news at some time. They know we have always intended to have 3 kids, so they must think it is getting to be time for the next one to come along. Having said that it is inevitably a "kick in the guts", and won't be easy for them to hear. Argh!!


 

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