have had a very interesting read - thank u!
Just thought i'd share my story. DH was diagnosed with hodgkins 3 years ago. Married for 1 year we were advised to get some sperm frozen before he began chemo the following week. We had just been discussing beginning our family and i was crushed to learn we would never fall preg naturally. While DH was having chemo i began IVF and fell pregnant on my second ICSI. I now have a gorgeous 20 month DS and DH's health is great (remission 2 years).
We are back on the IVF train to conceive #2 and I have my final BT tomorrow after a FET using an embryo from the same cycle as my son.
DH can't change what he eats, drinks, does etc as we only have what we froze 3 years ago. It can actually be frustrating at times as my husband literally doesn't have to and can't do anything for our IVF journey. It is all me tho fertilty wise i'm all good!
Just thought i'd share as a bit of a different situation again.
and re the laws discussion - i can definately see the pros and cons but it would be a shame if it stopped as many guys donating and resulting in even more waiting time/restricted choice for infertile couples.
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09-05-2010 20:50 #31Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
10-05-2010 06:24 #32
MrsL, just wanted to wish you good luck with your BT today!
PennyPC, re: testing. We have had numerous sperm analysis and several DNA fragmentation tests often several months apart for comparison. (DNA frag improved to normal range over couple of months), but little change in motility or morphology...although DH hasn't been tested again for almost a year now.
The only difference is we had a TUNEL and 80HdG assay instead of a SCASA (but I think both examine DNA fragmentation) and the 80HdG looks at the origin of the DNA fragmentation.
We also had karyotype testing (bt) for both of us to look for genetic issues.
Last edited by Starf1sh; 10-05-2010 at 06:26.
10-05-2010 08:07 #33
TNT, you are absolutely right....EVERYONE should have the right to choose! We should all be entitled to make our own choices...as individuals, as parents, as adults...
But what about choice for the children? Remembering that children will grow up into adults themselves...
Just a thought that I wanted to throw your way.
10-05-2010 08:50 #34
There is never a right or wrong decision when it comes to these matters it also depends on the child some might not be able to cope with info like that others might i personally think its something that you have to play by ear ..i have tossed back and forth on what we will do
That said DH found out that he was fathered by another man when he was young it took him a very long time to deal and process that information it wasnt until his late 20's that he decided to move on and get past that information and he often said he wishes he never knew cause i tore him up and confussed him as a child he now has a relationship with both of them and calls them both dad, however they both dont know that he has a relationship with them cause he chooses to protect both of there feels
10-05-2010 09:22 #35
I remember watching a dvd about 4 years ago from our clinic interviewing children from sperm donors. They were all brought up knowing all along about their background & how they were created and they were all very well adjusted young people who loved their father. When asked whether they would pursue finding out about their donor it was interesting that most of the boys said they would not bother as it wasn’t a huge issue for them. They said that they have a dad and left it at that. The girls were more curious about their donors physical info and interests/skills etc and some said they did meet their donors once just to satisfy them with that “missing link” on who they are. From memory I don’t think any of them maintained a further relationship with their donor.
When asked about the time that they found out they were conceived through donor sperm they all answered that they couldn’t remember the exact moment because they were so young and it was just something that they knew about all along. It was not a shock to them, as I imagine it would be if they were told later on in childhood when they are older.
I firmly believe it comes down to the attitude, life skills & maturity of the parents. Among other things...being honest, showing sensitivity, lots and lots of love and of course trust.
10-05-2010 18:18 #36Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Miranda NSW
Not again people on other site have told us we have to tell what about the right of the children.
Dude we arent telling our children. We are shredding the evidence, there will be NOTHING to tell. How are the kids going to find out?? No one in the family is telling them.
The counsellor through our clinic fully supports us NOT telling the children. She said its up to us. End of story.
10-05-2010 18:36 #37
YY I agree... currently considering my sister being an egg donor our plan is to always let the children know right from the beginning that Aunty helped make them.... It will be engrained in who they are......
TNT Come down off the ceiling... nobody is telling you what to do... when you put somthing like that out there you need to expect some differing opinions... if you dont want those opinions then play your cards close to your chest and dont let the dicsussion influence you. I think all discussion has been very diplomatic and I find a great help to read everbodys point of view...
11-05-2010 08:01 #38
TNT - I get where you coming from ...but i dont think YinYang is trying to tell us what to do i think it did come across harshish but these posts sometimes dont come across as you mean them in your head ..i think she was just saying that she saw a doc and the kids that were interview were well adjusted
YinYang - On the flip side i did see a UK doc on donor etc and there was this couple who had there first son while doing IVF and using a sperm donor and and second one naturally so the mother always thought that in the back of her head that maybe the first son was natural too so they did dna tests but turned out that the son was from the donor sperm and he wished he never knew and also i have personally experience with my DH so i have to respect that he knows how he feels and what it feels like so as a person that doesnt have to deal with that internal issue i cant guess or speculate how one might react
Lilypily - I'm so hoping you get your bubba soon ..we considered using DH's brothers sperm but DH said that he would feel funny everytime they were in the room together knowning deep down that his brother is the father ...but DH's are differant to us ladies and we have differant thoughts and feelings
11-05-2010 08:32 #39
TNT, you seemed upset on your post…I hope that was not a reflection of my post. I don’t ever mean to upset anyone. We need to remember that the use of donor gametes is a major issue and raises all sorts of strong emotions and opinions. Its not like we are just discussing grandma’s secret scones recipe!…this is genetics we are talking about here, its important stuff!! While its not THE most important thing its still very important to everyone…this issue is not a light one! So we all have strong views on it. But I think if you are comfortable, secure and confident in your morals, viewoint and decision then it doesn’t make a rats difference what anyone on here has to say. A public forum is designed to allow for discussion and people are going to have different views & opinions to you, they might say things you dont like.…but that’s life!! There are many wonderful ladies here on bubhub from who I have learnt a lot from by reading their posts, its fantastic that we can feel free to share our emotions, views, opinions, support etc….on the flip side there are many posts which do absolutely nothing for me, so I just move on.
Anyway, sorry if I have upset anyone. The post about that dvd was just that I thought it might be interesting. Any info or exposure about this topic to learn from should be a good thing, I think?
TNT, personally, it doesn’t matter or affect me one little bit what you decide to do for your family. At the end of the day we have to do what we think is best for us. All I can do is wish you all the very best of luck.
And good luck for everyone wherever you are on this difficult journey!
P.s. TNT, As a 36 yr old woman having gone through what i have i quite enjoyed being called a "dude"
Last edited by YinYang; 11-05-2010 at 08:43.
11-05-2010 12:03 #40
My DH found out he was adopted at the age of 36. Both his parents (who brought him up) had passed on and took the secret to the grave. It was his half sister that found him later in life. It was a very tough year for him and is still challenging as he has no idea who his dad is. He would like to know. He is just curious. Wants nothing else other than to know medical information for things that might run in the family. He now has a relationship with his biological mother but that has taken a lot of time. From our point of view secrets nearly and I say nearly always come out. Wether it be a different blood group or somthing like that. The good intentions of never ever telling could lead to problems later, even when you have passed on and the adult remains without answers to questions. My DH wants to know why they never told him, even on their death bed. He just wants to know why they kept it from him. I guess they didnt want him to feel any different or be treated any different. His sister (who he grew up with) actually found out without realising as when she got married it said on the birth certificite that she was the "first" born. When in fact they knew she was second. She didnt put it together and just assumed that first born girl. Anyway...........
Emma... thanks so much... I hope I get a bubba soon as well. Glad your pregnancy is going well.
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