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  1. #11
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    hi

    bourbon, i too worked in health but i ended up dropping down to 3 and 4 days per week for a lot of the ivf journey, luckliy my bosses were ok with the whole ivf thing but i had been here for some time...my DH was "reasonably" supportive of this, but towards the end (2 years in ivf) i was getting to the point of thinking i need to go even less cos i was wasnt coping....by this point DH also was making comments like "its hard for me too" etc "i dont want to work full time either u know etc etc" and it really hurt cos men dont have to expereince the physical effects of the drugs and the 7am scans and BT's and EPU's and juggle all that so i was pretty cheesed at his comments and it felt really unsupportive cos i was always in tears, always cranky and not myself and those comments made me feel like i was wuss and should cope with a m/c FT work infertility long travel to work (longer than him) and a demanding job ....work was sometimes a good distraction but yep it can be hard to start a new job and then need time off....i guess one option is looking for something with arvo or night shifts as thats not likely to interfere with appts etc.......

  2. #12
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    We dont have to do personals here but i feel like it today:

    Nikki - it would be great if i could be self employed and chose when and how much i wanted to work. A friend of mine is a hairdresser and after having a baby just does some work from home. It always amazes me how people still comment like you arent working hard enough or should have a 'real' job or something! I really feel like asking them if theyve been through ivf themselves or know much about it but of course i bite my tongue. It is true we only need to make ourselves and DH happy and stuff the rest of them.

    Sandra - Youre lucky you have an understanding boss, i think that makes all the difference. I worked in health as my last job and while the doctors were great my boss was not. Made my life hell. Why cant they be more understanding? I never slacked off and only had one day off the whole year! Owell good riddance to them..

    Soclose - thats so true as if ivf isnt hard enough emotionally and physically without us also having the financial side of it to worry about. If only it didnt cost so darn much!!
    And yes i cant see a new boss who doesnt even know us being all that understanding..

    Baldies - thats great that your boss approached you and offered you work. When i quit the doctors told me how much they would miss me and did everything they could to help and were so understanding of my situation. I was employed by the hospital though not them. One even sent me a present thanking me for all my hard work. Its true we invest so much into making the ivf work we havent got much left for anything else at this stage in our lives.

    Lilybaby - thanks, i thought of this thread because ive been feeling anxious and frustrated. I want to work and bring in money but ivf comes #1. Im so glad you were able to get long service leave would do you the world of good i think. It is amazing how 'well meaning friends' know the ups and downs and emotional stress were under but still ask when we are getting a new job!
    Lets face it this is all so we can have a family so if we have to be selfish and only think of ivf to get that then so be it.

    Tnt - sorry you are in the situation where you have to work and have no choice in the matter. Let us know how the job interview goes i hope it all works out. Ive been tempted to go for interviews while ive got nothing to lose and just be upfront in the interview and say "look im a great worker blah blah.. however because of a personal situation this is whats happening take it or leave it lol"

    Plsjust - hey buddy! I also keep thinking can i do the brochure thing. Have you heard of Homecare? Its much much better than avon ( i have contacted both of them) as you make much more money and dont have to pay for brochures etc like with avon. Also no selling just drop brochure then pick up money deliver goods. I soooooo want to give it a go but once the ivf starts again in a month i honestly wonder how ill manage to pound the pavement every day.

    Jfblady - its hard when our dh's dont fully understand. Mine has finally started acting more supportive but occasionally if someone says to us "so when are you getting a new job" like recently DH said "she doesnt want to work" he was acting jokey but it hurt my feelings and made me feel like i was just being lazy.
    I dont see how the actual ivf process is exactly the same for them when we have to do the bloods, scans, epu, et, organising of schedules to fit it all in, worrying, physical and emotional side effects....
    Of course i understand they are limited in what they can do but some understanding goes a huge way. Would be good if we were 'in it together' more too like when people comment and look at me re; work, why cant DH answer or 'stick up for me' and what we are doing for a family together.

    Ok thats my two bobs worth ...........

  3. #13
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    Pretty much all of the books or online material I've read said that you should be as relaxed as possible during IVF to maximise your chances. So if I could afford to not work during IVF I wouldn't! We had a good look at our finances though and I need to work during it (since I'm paying for it) and babies aren't free either. That and our private health cover only got upgraded in June last year to cover maternity and ART so we have the 12 month wait period. My boss is understanding and lets me take flexi days or sick leave whenever I need it but I try to minimise my time away from work. Scans and blood tests come before I start for the day. The girls I work with have taken to reminding me to take my cotton ball off I haven't remembered by 9am. They don't actually know what's happening but I'm pretty sure they can guess.

    If I didn't have an understanding boss or had limited leave options... I'm pretty sure I would have either quit or wouldn't be doing IVF right now. Yay for a workplace that promotes "work life balance" and means it!

  4. #14
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    i find it amazing that you guys have been able to work through IVF...and think that it is great some of you have chosen p/t or to not work in order to support your ivf dream.

    I found it hard enough with my 5 year old and being a sahm and doing IVF.

    I guess i was lucky as DH wanted me to stay at home and give DS, him and IVF my attention.

    Still, i don't think he gets the full impact of what IVF is like...and pregnancy either some days

    I say, go with your heart....if you can get some temp work that is week by week....maybe do it between cycles....but when you are cycling, i really think, if you can, staying at home and relaxing and "making a home for you/partner/bubby" is the best way forward.

    I think its like the sahm v working mum....its what suits the individual...nt one size fit all.

    As for the comments....they will continue forever...once you have bubby (cause you will get the,) you'll get comments on everything you do!

  5. #15
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    i worked during IVF had to do something to take my mind off it

    i think for most of us its not a choice to stay at home or not we just do what we have to

    now that I am preg lost job and staying at home is driving me crazy waiting

    i think it would have been worse waiting for the BFP and being at home

  6. #16
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    Hi everyone

    Great thread! I also work in Health, and i am also one of the fortunate ones with a very flexible boss (actually, its more that he lacks the ability to say "no", so it works for me nicely!). I don't have the option of not working, as we are slaves to the mortgage, but even if I did, I would probably keep working. My work is an important part of my life, and I figure I've sacrificed enough already, I'm NOT giving up my profession as well. IVF has taken over so much of my life, that I think if I didn't work, it would take over completely. It also keeps my mind off it. Of course, I do take a couple of days off around AF time and when my pregnancy test is due.

    I think somewhere along our IVF roller coaster, I decided that I wouldn't put my life on hold waiting for IVF to be successful....it could happen this cycle, but on the other hand, it could never happen. And we can not be on a single income indefinitely.....it is not realistic for us.

    It is such a personal choice, and this works for me and DH, and that is all that matters.

  7. #17
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    We are just starting down the IVF path but I have to say that I dont have the option of not working. I worked full time whilst preg with DD and then went back to work when she was 10 1/2 months. I was only able to have so much time off because I worked so hard before having her.

    Anyhow I went back to work full time and just TTC itself has me stressed and I just applied to go part time. I wanted 3 days a week but I ended up with 3 1/2. I have also told my boss what we are going to be doing but being the only woman in the department (IT) Im just not sure he knows what to say/do..... which works for me cause so far he has been suportive (and he has just had his first bub).

    We also have a good work/life balance program and so I know they pretty much have to support me.

    I would love to be able to stay home and relax but I also think working does give me something else to think about and the money will help pay for the IVF.....

    I would love to be a SAHM (or soon to be mum) so if any of you are able to do it I say enjoy it and forget what others say....they are probally jealous....I know I am, but saying that Im sure they dont want your IVF issues......

  8. #18
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    Well i thought i had a job that could fit in with IVF, i got soo excited because lets face it we really need the $$$ but its just too hard at the moment.
    Found out the job would be 6am starts meaning id have to get up around 4am to do my ivf injections, then it is inside a fridge all day wrapping meat (um think im meant to stay warm!) and on my feet all day. Not to mention if i did get UTD how am i going to stand the sight of meat!
    The boss had done ivf so she would have been understanding but not sure how much so when im going to need to leave my shift to get blood tests, u/s etc done on a regular basis.
    I ended up turning it down.

  9. #19
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    I'm lucky enough to have a great boss who had to have fertility testing when he and his wife had kids, so he sort of understands what I'm going through (I'm only in the early testing stages atm to figure out what's up), so he's great when I tell him I need a day off for an appointment (I also live a 3hr drive from my FS, so I really do need the whole day!).

    But my job (I work in government) is one that needs to be covered if I'm not there, and the girl who is my back up HATES me. I've been working at my job for 7 years, and she's been there for 2, and for some reason she just hates me and always has. She's very rude (ignore me when I speak) and a whole other things, but my supervisor takes care of asking her to cover for me when I need time off, so its not much of an issue. However, last week I was waiting for AF to arrive before I booked appointments for the following week (a CD 2-6 scan, and a HSG), and because I was waiting for AF I didn't know exactly what day I needed off. But I'd warned my supervisor ahead of time and told him why, and he was cool with it. But this girl comes up to me and very rudely asks what day I'm having off because she wanted to plan her schedule. I can understand why she asked, so explained to her that I was waiting on hearing back about an appointment, but would let her know as soon as I did. She kept pushing and pushing and eventually I told her it was for medical reasons (in other words, back off! ) and she stomped out when she realised I didn't have any answers for her.

    But I can definitely understand why some girls quit working during such a stressful time. Its certainly crossed my mind but unfortunately we're not in a position to be able to do that at the moment.

    Great thread idea Bourbon

  10. #20
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    Wishingonastar - OMG what a biartch! I hate working with girls like that. I have also had a workmate who acted cold and nasty and i knew she was talking behind my back and being kind of nice to my face. I didnt understand it because id never done anything to her. It got so bad (i was so unhappy there because of her actions) that i found another job. That new job was GREAT but unfortunately when mining went bust we all got made redundant. I was so stressed out it affected my cycle and i didnt have AF for 6 months. That was before i started TTC.
    There is always at least ONE nasty girl in the office i think. Sometimes its better if you can only work with men.
    Good on you for sticking up for yourself and not giving in and telling her what your appts are for. She probably really wants to know because shes either curious, wants to gossip or wants to know why you get time off.
    My friend had a nasty workmate also who would literally turn her back on her when she was talking. I dont understand why women can be so nasty. We spend most our lives at work why not all get along and be supportive and kind.
    My ivf that failed i was under soooo much pressure and doing sooo much unpaid overtime and getting treated like dirt. When i got the bfn i was in tears at the final straw when my boss demanded even more from me that i quit and im so glad i did.
    Its so hard not having the extra money and we are only just getting by but if i get a bfp soon out of it it will be worth it.
    This cycle coming up ill be on so many new drugs (synarel, puregon, clexane, prednisone, oestrogen patches, progesterone, aspirin..) that im glad im not working because ill probably feel lousy.
    I hope you get your BFP soon and leave work behind you to be a mummy. Im glad your boss is being kind and understanding though, its not like we asked for this after all.
    Goodluck


 

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